Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Saturday, January 26, 2013


Beyond Bedlam aka Nightscare (1994) UK

At first glance I saw the name Elizabeth Hurley and thought no way am I seeing a movie with Hugh Grant's model girlfriend trying to act. Then I saw the claim on the Nightscare cover: 'The Best Horror Film Since Hellraiser'. Ah hell no! The only way on Earth that could happen is if it was released one second after Hellraiser and no other films were made since...

Needless to say my sense of masochism took over and I gave this film a whirl. It is yet another candidate for the Lifetime channel... IF they include some explanation as to what the hell this film is about. I mean really, I've seen a whole lot of movies and I can usually piece them together but this was such a mish mash of imagery and stupidity that I just gave up and waited for it to end somehow. This is the 'official' movie outline:

Dr. Stephanie Lyell works for Neurological Research, and is testing a seemingly safe personality-altering drug on Marc Gilmour a notorious Serial Killer. But when a pair of bizarre suicides occur at Dr. Lyell's apartment complex, Homicide Detective Terry Hamilton connects the mysterious deaths to the drug's diabolical side effects on Gilmour. Only after they too begin to experience horrible dreams and hallucinations do Terry and Stephanie realize they are trapped in Gilmour's nightmarish world, from which there is no hope of escape.

So did you understand any of that? It of course doesn't mention that the only reason the detective is involved in the first place is that Hurley's character Stephanie ATTACKS HIM AND FORCIBLY INJECTS HIM WITH HER EXPERIMENTAL DRUG. Wow, what a bitch. We get disjointed scenes of a whole bunch of nothing that means nothing before finally they 'kill' the psycho in the dream they're supposedly stuck in. Since it's Gilmour's dream in the first place, wouldn't that mean they were stuck there forever? You know what, I really don't care. This was a massive waste of film.