Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Monday, January 28, 2013

SNOOZEFEST: THE FINAL, FINAL CHAPTER






Milo (1998)


This movie was so badly conceived, written, acted and filmed that most of my notes say 'I'M SOOOOO BORED!' This movie wouldn't even MAKE it on the Lifetime channel - this chick and her whimpering for 90 minutes was 89 3/4 minutes too long. And they can't make up their mind - is Milo a permanent child? A demon? A drowned kid his doctor dad brought back as a zombie? A clone (his dad did abortions, lots of raw material)? A combination of all of the above?

Trouble is, even though Milo kills a girl and wounds another, supposedly drowns, then comes back 16 years later to finish off the other four girls in the group he likes (I'd hate to see what he does to people he doesn't), it is so drawn out, whiny, and dull that there was absolutely nothing to write about - except for how boring it is. 

The poster says 'Remember, Jason and Freddy were kids once too.' Yeah, but they grew up... hell one grew up AFTER he was dead so that's pretty talented... they were both interesting psychos. This is just some kid (or little person, bad makeup makes it kind of hard to tell) with a scalpel and a lisp riding a bicycle throughout a dull dull dull movie.