Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Friday, March 1, 2013

BAD HORROR BRIEFLY STATED





The Dread (2007)

Tommy, can you hear me? Can you feel me near you? You are all mostly probably too young to remember this but the makers of this movie decided to rip it off anyway. Except his name is Alex and instead of being a pinball wizard he's an early video game wizard. So he's 8 and hearing voices. They tell him to kill his parents. Somehow he manages to do that while still playing his video game. No explanation, no backstory, no telling who's talking to him.

Years later a woman loses her mother and finds out she was adopted and her brother is - say it with me - Alex. She visits him where he's lived in a catatonic state in a hospital all his life. They've just tried a new therapy - letting him play that same video game which he does 'always playing clean'. Sorry.

So he kills right and left with the bad guy from the video game without moving. Slash, scream, whine, run, slash, bad effects, slash. So sister kills brother. And inherits his pinball - sorry, video game skills. End.