The Haunting Of Whaley House (2012)
I have often kidded that I have a form that I use for bad horror films where I can just fill in the blanks and have my review done before half the movie is over. That would be my horror movie worksheet (patent pending). Hell, I could sell pads of those things in stationary stores. Because anyone could use them, they really could. Okay, let's try an exercise: You have a house with a reputation (doesn't matter what it is), people have heard about it existing... BAM! Based on true events! Now you can make up any shit you want and still have a freaking paranormal oogy boogy movie. See how easy that was?
|The real Whaley house.|
Oh, and glaring errors, don't forget that. Before the movie even really begins, three idiots decide at night to see if breaking a window would piss off the ghosts. It shows the three of them in front of a parked car - one throws a rock and, seeing the ghost, backs up. Only now there's no car. BUT on the positive side, he gets run over. Did you ever notice in these movies that they're always hit and runs?
|Early Whaley family portrait.|
There are several family members who died inside the house but nothing horrible - that was pretty common for the times. In other words, a decent, pretty normal family who served their community. While the film claims no paranormal investigation has ever been allowed, the SOHO organization of San Diego has a monthly offer to investigators for a special night tour, to see if they can find some of the supposed apparitions seen there.
|Oh yeah, that's ALWAYS a good choice...|
The group of young people she hangs with (douches all of them) persuade her to let them in since hey, we need a bunch of idiots to slaughter so... she reluctantly agrees although she feels an 'affinity' to the house (do we see where this is going folks and if you don't you haven't been paying attention to my blog).
Her douche friends also invite some of THEIR douche friends so we have a nice group of douchebags to slaughter - including one adult, an English so-called psychic who is thrilled to be there because 'no one has ever let a paranormal investigator in the house' which as I've already stated is crap.
Now as you've seen, the house itself is pretty normal looking so they had to go out to find a 'spooky' looking house with a big yard and lots of bushes - duh. The action starts right away as a girl who earlier was admitted to the hospital because she 'saw' ghosts comes walking back, hospital gown and all, finds an axe in the yard and proceeds to 'chop' her own throat out. Oh yes my children it's going to be. Just. That. Bad.
And the killings start as the 'evil' Whaley family show up and determine to clean house. All except for our original girl who seems to be left alone. The order and way these idiots die is really not important, the only reason they're interesting is because it means the movie is getting closer to the end. Finally, only the original girl is left alive. For a moment.