Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Friday, March 15, 2013


Monster Brawl (2011) Canada

Anyone like wrestling? I used to watch Oregon's own late night Portland Wrestling just about every Saturday. It was silly as hell but it was fun. I've even attended (small) wrestling events and found myself yelling along with everyone at the wrestlers, the referee, the concession workers (just kidding). It was fun. It was silly. Yeah, it was kind of dumb too. But hey, I've watched a ton of cartoons and wrestling is just one yuk short of a cartoon. As is this movie.

You can't take seriously a movie of the Undead vs. the Creatures, featuring Dave Foley and Art Hindle as the announcers, an unseen Lance Henriksen as the narrator (and the guy making comments like 'BODY SLAM' as if this were a video game, of which he's been a voice in several) and appearances by Jimmy Hart, Herb Dean and Kevin Nash, a monster of a guy himself at 6' 10" and 328 pounds.

On the 'Undead' camp we have the Mummy, Lady Vampire, Zombie Man and Frankenstein. Representing the 'Creature' camp is Cyclops, Witch Bitch, Swamp Gut and Werewolf. All are performing on a pay-per-view event in a cursed cemetery (it says graveyard but those are by Churches and can't be cursed). Before fighting a statistic chart is presented for each, uh, wrestler.

Is it tasteful? Pffffft... c'mon people. It's stupid and we all know it but it was still a bit of fun - especially with Dave Foley (who I've always loved in Kids In The Hall) making statements like 'It's all fun and games until somebody loses their eye,' and the fact he has to kill his co-announcer 'cause... well, find out for yourself if you've got the time, want to watch something totally brainless and have a bit of fun.

Who wins? That would be cheating and besides it (gulp) looks like they're setting up for a sequel. Let's hope not 'cause fun is fun and done is done. Very, very done.