Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Saturday, March 9, 2013


A disturbing trend in the past couple of years is taking fairy tales and telling them over and over and over and over... in a string of movies that are basically copies of each other with slight variations such as how gory they can get, how stupid, or how boring. I'll give the television show Grimm a pass since it is actually a kind of neat idea to have a descendant of the Grimm family fight fictitious creepy characters (having it filmed in Portland, Oregon is also a big plus).

But to take the same stories over and over and just keep churning them out was never a good idea and is just getting worse. Do you know how many Hansel and Gretel movies have come out just in the past few years? How many Red Riding Hood movies? Cinderella? Snow White?

C'mon Dee Wallace - you're too good for this!
As long as Hollywood (and especially The Asylum) can use these public domain tales to churn out dumb ass movies, the longer it will take good writers to get their scripts filmed - if there are any left. Good writers have got to be out there somewhere. And c'mon The Asylum aren't you tired of being known as the ripoff masters? We get the (I hear terrible) movie of Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Then Hansel and Gretel: (The colon is very big this year) Witch Hunters. So of course The Asylum had to answer back with Abe Lincoln vs. Zombies and Hansel and Gretel... apparently they couldn't even think of anything good to vs. this film with.

I mean I was told horrible stories when I was little but at least they were original. Nasty, but original. Maybe I should put some of them into script form, call up The Asylum and start making some easy cash...