Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Saturday, April 13, 2013


Unknown (2006)

April 10th I reviewed a movie and mentioned the words 'movie reminiscent of' because I could think of at least three other movies exactly like it - the whole 'strangers wake up in a room not knowing how they got there and now have to figure out why or die' kind of thing. And here we go again. Fortunately this movie has a plot - sort of. In a movie with so many 'names' though, one would expect a better crafted story.

We get our warehouse (locked down of course) full of guys who slowly wake up, some in worse shape than others. This movie stars, in part, Jim Caviezel, Greg Kinnear, Joe Pantoliano and Jeremy Sisto as guys who realize that they are in there for a good reason, they just don't know what that is. They DO know that apparently some of them are, and sorry for the vagueness but that's how the movie went, bad guys and some are good guys. They just don't know which is which. A broken cylinder lies on the floor and they realize they have breathed in whatever was in it which supposedly caused their unconsciousness and also temporary amnesia. Some of the guys are worse for wear, broken nose, tied to a chair, shot and handcuffed. But are they the bad guys? No one knows.

A phone rings and I guess it's Caviezel's character (I haven't seen his movies and don't know him so I had to check) who answers it - apparently a kidnapping of a rich businessman has gone down and gone wrong and the rest of the 'gang' is coming back. Now the men have to figure out who is who quickly before they arrive.

So as is typical with these 'strangers in a room' movies they all bicker and mistrust each other although for all they know they could be best friends. A couple die, all seem to have little snippets of memory that isn't conclusive about what exactly happened. Unfortunately, that's where the movie stays for quite a while.

Meanwhile there has been a crime gone wrong and the rest of the 'gang', secretly tailed by the police are making their way back. It appears that among the group is the the kidnapped man, a couple of undercover cops and the rest of the kidnapping gang. Unfortunately once this is established, very little happens. You almost wish it were one of those die-one-at-a-time type scenarios just to get the movie over with.

Finally a few get enough memory that they remember who they are or at least which side they were on. Fights happens and people are shot.

The punchline? Caviezel's character, played as a bad guy, is actually an undercover cop. But when everyone arrives and the good guys are rescued, he looks at the kidnapped guy's wife and realizes he was having an affair with her and actually had arranged the kidnapping in the first place. Duh. That kind of twist was unnecessary and tedious but hey, the movie's over.