Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Friday, April 19, 2013

PLUNGED RIGHT IN BUT SHOULD HAVE CHECKED THE SUCK FACTOR FIRST




Deep Cove aka Fear Island (2009) Canada Made For TV

Trying to get back into the swing of things I decided to pick the very first movie on my waaay too long queue of movies to watch and it was this one. Usually when you watch a movie on Netflix, if there are several reviews that are really high (They rate 1 to 5 stars.) there are sometimes others that accuse those of leaving the high reviews of being people who either worked on or spent money on the film trying to boost views. 

I don't know why they'd bother but eh, who cares. I never had much concern about that one way or another but after this movie I kind of have to wonder. The first few reviews (the most 'helpful' according to Netflix) were solid 5's even though the more recent reviews were much lower. And then I watched this horrid thing.

I'm not even going to go into the whole 'who got killed when and how' list because this film is so not worth the bother. Suffice it to say that six college kids screw around in a cabin on an island accompanied by a 'stowaway' and only one gets out alive. This girl is in the hospital telling this horrid story to a sympathetic female doctor and a hardened male detective. As the girl drones on and her story starts to go sideways, the doctor hardens towards her while the detective for whatever reason starts to soften. I have no idea what that's supposed to mean and I don't care.

It's your typical revenge type scenario of rich kids getting their comeuppance for past wrongdoings with an assortment of creeps you can't wait to die. They've got money, privilege, and not a single one deserves anything they have. That alone is enough reason for them to die in any horror movie.

To say the ending is a surprise twist would be an insult to anyone but the most novice of horror movie watchers. If you've even seen a couple of these the ending will just make you roll your eyes and check how much of your life is now gone (95 minutes) but hey, at least it wasn't released in the US so chances are good you'll never know how close you came to a really stupid movie.