Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

HULU SNOOZE PART HUIT




Psycho Ward (2007) Canada

This cheap, inaccurate (as far as movie rules go), piece of garbage barely deserves a mention. So why am I mentioning it? 'Cause I wasted 90 minutes on this Canadian piece of garbage, that's why. It's cheap, there's virtually no story line, the gore is a big yawn and the.. ugh, let's just get this over with, shall we?

A group of idiots say they want to explore an abandoned mental hospital. Well, there's plenty of those in Canada - Grave Encounters 1 and 2 used a Canadian asylum, why not? Umm, they got kind of confused (or didn't have the money, the whole thing was shot for 50,000 - that's Canadian dollars) because what they're actually in is a PRISON - in fact many times they refer to the place as a prison - whoops. That's not the only whoops:
  • One of the girls' panties changes colors scene to scene from pink to black
  • The adult in the group discovers the bodies have been put one to a cell (See? Prison.) and he's got to get the keys from one body. I guess he took too long because the 'body' had to take a real big breath as he takes the keys out
  • We have a Gallagher moment as the killer uses a sledgehammer on one girl's head - but when her body is found, her head is intact

Yes folks, this is not a paranormal psych ward experience - this is a cheap CHEAP ripoff of Leatherface, a big fat guy who uses carpentry tools (apparently he does some work on the side) to kill off the students. But by the time you realize that this is all there is, you're just cheering each death as meaning you're almost done with this boring non-story.