Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Monday, April 8, 2013

HULU SNOOZE PART CINQ





Room 6 (2006)

I wanted to like this movie, I really did. I love Jerry O'Connell despite his seeming lack of good roles to play (but hey, I could watch Sliders for days - or Crossing Jordan). And Christine Taylor - one could forgive her 'Marsha Marsha Marsha!' days if you could forget she married Ben Stiller. I personally don't know why Shane Brolly gets top billing here since his screen time is under 10 minutes - oh well. And what the hell is Room 6? You're not going to know - just a warning. But the story was a bit different.

The premise basically is that Amy and Nick, being movie stupid, get in a wreck with a pickup truck. Her boyfriend and the sister of the truck's driver are taken in separate ambulances which then disappear off the face of the earth. They have been taken to a hospital that no longer exists. A paranormal kind of movie, right? I wish. Yeah, the paranormal was kind of there I guess, but this snorefest droned on and on about guilt, sin, payment for said sins while not telling us what the hell anybody DID, and on and on....

To save you 94 minutes of your life - nothing of what you see after the accident happens. Period. Apparently Marsha-Marsha-Marsha (Okay, okay, Amy) pulled the plug on dear ole' dad when she was little 'cause he asked her to. Uh, okay. And she's racked with guilt. Uh, okay. So this car crash is a perfect test to her... uh... her... uh. Huh. What the hell is the test for?

There are endless scenes where she and the other driver (Jerry O'Connell) search and finally discover that their loved ones have been taken to the hospital of the damned and she has to rescue her boyfriend. If it never happened that would be why there wasn't a hosp.... uh.... why Jerry's character, uh... ya know what? Skip it. It sucked but made a very simple drinking game. As with all my drinking games, please use soda so that you will merely become bloated and not die of alcohol poisoning.

Take a big drink if:
  • Amy screams
  • Anyone says a sentence with the words 'you're one of us' in it
Oh and just in case you want to make a horror film sometime in the future here's a tip: If something isn't scary the first time, it's not going to be scary if you show it 2, 4, 20, 1000 times. Stop it with the damn flashbacks. Just move on, would you please?