Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

FLOTSAM AND JETSAM PART FIVE AND FINALE




Maplewoods aka Operation: Nazi Zombies (2003)

First of all, I have no idea why it was originally called Maplewoods. Second, I don't know why they changed it to ONZ because there isn't a single damn Nazi in the whole movie. Oh the whole thing was supposed to be the FAULT of Nazis, but that's still a big stretch for a big retch of a movie.

Sorry, but after watching horrid after horrid movies made by Brain Damage, and knowing that this film is basically an ego trip of one David Stewart III who - now dig this - made this piece of garbage, he also acted in it, was the set director, composed music, operated a camera and designed costumes. Sorry David, you are no Tom Savini and this is the sorry ass proof of that.

As usual, the CIA, not having America's best interests at heart, conspire with the Army Chemical Corps to recreate a Nazi experiment to make soldiers keep on keepin' on even after they're dead. Nice. No retirement for our brave boys - crack that whip you bureaucratic ticks. Hmm, I think I'm in desperate need of a nap.



Anywho, of course everything goes to hell and so they send in Special Forces to clean up the mess - which just makes a bigger mess as zombies attack and more and more BECOME zombies so, you know, more mess... and we have to live through this for 87 minutes. Sigh. That's about it. It's bad, it's cheap and it's not as advertised. And I'm done.