Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013


The Bucks County Massacre (2012)

Okay filmmakers, let's review what the definition of 'massacre' is: A massacre is an incident where some group is killed by another, and the perpetrating party are perceived to be in total control of force while the victimized party is perceived to be helpless and/or innocent with regard to any legitimate offense.

In other words you 'gee let's make another found footage movie with shaky cameras giving the audience a violent headache' hacks, YOU are massacring US. We are forced to sit for over an HOUR of shaky footage of somebody's birthday party, waiting for something to happen BESIDES twenty-somethings getting drunk, fooling around and being insensitive jerks. When the first girl goes missing, it's almost a relief. Since we know (because you tell us incessantly) that everybody died, we know that as soon as the last one gets whacked, we can go home.

So what the hell is killing these people (besides their own stupidity at running around in the dark I mean)? We get a sketchy look toward the end of the movie of some really emaciated looking idiot in torn clothes. In reviews I saw the word 'vampire' used once or twice. If so, I'm sorry but I gotta say it. One vampire decimates a whole bunch of people one at a time AND IT IS STILL A BETTER LOVE STORY THAN TWILIGHT. Thank you very much for that, I almost feel better.

Besides the screaming (lots and lots of screaming) there isn't much dialogue and zero plot - except of course the death of these idiots. And thank you very much another bloody headache.