Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Monday, May 13, 2013


Dylan's Wake aka Dead Awake (2010)

There are some movies you really want to give good reviews to, but it just seems that after a decent premise and despite some good acting and an interesting progression the whole thing falls apart into such a mish mash of stupidity that any good points it may have had swiftly goes to the minus side. Never mind that it grabs a title that was used for a massive stinker released in 2001 that had Stephen Baldwin as an insomniac who witnesses a murder... and I'll spare you the rest.

We have a sad sack of a guy who had a girl but lost her and now wastes his life away attending to the dead. One day he realizes that the wake he has to prepare is for a high school football player he knew. The place is packed, making him wonder if anyone much less as many as showed up would even care if he were dead. So we go from sad sack to dumbass. The owner of the funeral parlor, an old Irish guy with nothing better to do helps him publish an 'obituary' and prepares a 'wake' for Dylan to see who if anyone will come.

In wanders a crack addict (Rose McGowan, looking permanently confused) who was attracted to his obit and decides to check him out for whatever weird reasons the writer gives her - because it's not made clear in the movie. She's the only one until the parlor is about to close - when in walks his ex-girlfriend with flowers. She whispers something he cannot hear then leaves. He is hopeful to see her again, but also drawn to helping the suffering crack addict at the same time.

So we have three people who are miserable for their own reasons. This may have made for a good movie but of course they muck it up so badly, and make the story so... convenient that you want to gag over the overly sweet deeds of three screwed up people and how stupid do they think we are? Don't answer that.

Dylan's old girlfriend is a nurse - they meet and talk when he brings the crack addict to the hospital after she overdoses. From there one can only wait through endless conversations on life, love and suffering as the three seem to take turns being miserable. The addict tells Dylan that the dead are all around us, that he probably IS dead, he just hasn't accepted it yet.

And finally, after nodding off several times waiting for something, anything interesting to happen, the paper thin story comes out: Dylan, while spending time with his girlfriend was supposed to have picked up his parents at the airport. When he didn't, they took a cab. The cab had been stolen by the addict, looking to make money for drugs. She lost control of the car and crashed. His parents died. Guilt ridden he had dumped his girlfriend. 

So in the end he makes peace, visits his parent's grave and goes off with his girlfriend. The addict watches them leave and wanders to a grave marker she happens to notice. It is her own. Apparently she also had died with his parents in the crash. All her talk of the dead being all around becomes clear as she realizes that SHE was the one that needed to accept her death and she disappears. That's okay, my interest disappeared long before the movie ended.