Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Monday, May 13, 2013

LESS THAN ZERO






I used to enjoy a certain reviewer whose name I have sadly lost in the mush that is my brain (much later to be remembered as Joe Bob Briggs), who reveled in reviewing bad movies - in part why I like doing the same thing myself with horror flicks. His reviews weren't just about thumbs up or down, or how many stars or points he'd give a movie - he would count how many breasts one could see in the movie (really funny when the number was an odd one) and what kind of 'Fu' they would use. 

To him, all fighting was 'Fu' fighting: Pillow Fu, Knife fu, Chains and Whips Fu, even Food Fu - you get the idea. I hope. He was hilarious and his reviews usually were centered around movies you'd see in a drive-in. If anyone knows who I'm talking about, feel free to tell me, 'cause I'd like to see if he's still around.

Other than that, I have looked around at other review pages and I notice that people seem to only put what they thought of the movie (good, bad or pure suck) and give it some kind of rating. But what if a movie doesn't even register on your rating scale? On Netflix, the only drawback to their rating system is that if you absolutely hate a movie, it STILL gets one star. That doesn't seem right. Because some movies are less than one star - in fact, some are less than zero.

So dear readers, the following series are movies I have diligently sat through, tried to understand, noticed tons of flaws, and plain believe they were LESS THAN ZERO.