Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Sunday, May 26, 2013


Sideshow (2000)

People have been gawking at those with physical differences since the 16th century. In today's more 'politically correct' society, a 'freak show' as they were known are pretty much frowned upon, if not outright banned. Probably why they called this movie Sideshow when it was about people of different natures. Way back when, those with tattoos or ultra thin/fat people were considered 'freaks'. Now we call them 'rednecks'. Okay, okay people no hate letters, that was a joke. My hubby has his share of tats, and I am no curvy beauty myself and have absolutely no prejudices towards anyone so calm down.

In the US, a popular sideshow is still alive and well on Coney Island. Here's their own description: The last traditional 10-in-1 continuous sideshow performing in a circus or amusement context includes a cast of live professional performers, many at the top of their field. Located in the home of sideshow culture, in an official New York City Landmark with its own sideshow pedigree, and offering traditional shows and Sideshow School, our facility is to sideshow culture what the Actor’s Studio is to American acting: we are the International Center of Sideshow Arts.

This work takes place in our facility, Sideshows by the Seashore. It represent the origins of American Theater, starting with PT Barnum in 1842, and continuing through the mid-20th c. changes to entertainment culture with Houdini, Ringling Bros and Ripley’s Believe-It-or-Not and is also the home of the American Sideshow Hall of Fame. The Sideshow is one of our oldest and most important programs and of of the 15-20 different artistic programs we produce, it is the most visible, most egalitarian, and most memorable for visitors to Coney Island.

Although we are a family friendly show, we also have a reputation for encouraging new directions and trends in our field: this year’s cast will consist of 10 performers, several of which are new to our stage and several visiting artists. In the past, the world's foremost sword swallowers and fire eaters have worked in our cast, and we’re excited to welcome group of assertive young "born different" performers this summer who think the talented and handicapped have as much right to be rock stars on stage as doctors and lawyers. As such, we will be hosting a number of guest performers: Lil’ Miss Firefly, “the Midget of Mischief”, who stands 27” tall but has a big list of credits to her name, including touring with Ozzy Osbourne, Marilyn Manson, Justin Timberlake and others; and Mat Fraser, the worlds foremost international spokesman for the disability rights community, MC of London’s Special Olympics, and producer of “Thalidomide! The Musical”. In addition to guests, our core cast will include several new and emerging performers of note, including The Original Gumby (contortionist), Ray Valenz (MC and human blockhead), Betty Bloomerz (Sword Swallower), Rush (stretchable-skinned boy), Angelica (fire eater), and Serpentina (Snake Charmer).

This movie is about five teenagers who don't have any sense and a whole lot of prejudice. The whole point of the movie is, of course, that each one gets what's coming to them. There are no names here, except maybe Phil Fondacaro as the 'Ringmaster' of the show. Being a little person, the most aggressive (read jerk) teenager seals his fate by picking the man up like a child and bouncing him around. Sigh. Yes, it's going to be Just. That. Boring.

It's not a 100% loss though. There are actually some halfway decent special effects as the fre... um, I mean sideshow folks show their special talents. We have the inside-out woman (just as gross as it sounds), a woman who can digest anything (it's the WAY she does it that is, uh, just gross), a conjoined twin that reminded me of Kuato from Total Recall (the GOOD one, in 1990) and others that showed creativity - too bad the story had to be so... stupid. You guess in about five minutes what's going to be the fate of each one and sure enough... it takes about 90 minutes for us to get to the end. Yikes.