Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Friday, May 3, 2013

ONE ZOMBIE OVER THE LINE PART ONE




One Zombie Over The Line Sweet Readers
One Zombie Over The Line
Sittin' Here Watchin' Some Netflix Movies
One Zombie Over The Line

Before I delve into the several complicated foreign movie reviews, the horror movies that were more like soap operas with a scattered scare here and there and some outright turkeys that should never have seen daylight I thought I'd go through my 'list' on Netflix and get rid of some of those zombie movies that have been on the top since, well, since I got the service in the first place.

Imagine my embarrassment when I found out that only a couple of the top ten were actually ZOMBIE movies. Oops. Well, the list got shorter anyway - and I saved myself a good days worth of movies. What was I thinking with some of those choices? Oh yeah, I wasn't. But I did find three halfway decent zombie B movies that I'm not ashamed of putting on my review site. One was even almost good - it was certainly different than the the norm... 


Dead Season (2012)

We start with the same blanket cover story of a virus that has spread world-wide, taking '57 weeks' to decimate the population and turn the world to garbage. Since the story's summation said it was about two survivors who discover an island with 'unrelenting horror', the fact that they had a kid with them pretty much told me he was going to be munch food pretty quickly. He was. Our two characters, Elvis and Tweeter (I wonder if she had a hashtag?) meet up by accident but through a contact of his CB radio (dunno how they made that work) he gets a boat for transportation to a 'safe' island. 

As these things go, that's a major duh. There's NEVER a safe place if a virus has managed to spread 'world wide'. But they're pretty lucky - these zombies are kind of aggresive but they're also 'Romero' zombies (shamblers). In fact, I think this is one of the few times I've heard the zombies described as 'walkers' outside of The Walking Dead. Hmm... It's also suspicious that TWO actors in here were also in the 2007 Transformers movie...

So they get to the island and of course first thing they're attacked by a whole mess of zombies. Like I said, major duh. They are then rescued by an army-like crew who run a closed compound in a way that was suspiciously beginning to sound like the setup in season three of The Walking Dead - the town of Woodbury run by the Governor. Uh, well I guess it was inevitable - people copied Romero's stuff for decades.

But of course this 'safe' place, like every other scenario, has major problems. One, it's not very utopian - in fact it's kind of like a work camp - everyone must be deemed 'useful' to live there. And if you're not? Ah, that's the (small) twist of this movie. I got it right away 'cause hey, it's my job and besides, the first thing they were offered when they got there was 'jerkey'... I mean c'mon, it's been over a year, where do they think it came from? They soon find out that people who are asses don't change just 'cause there's an apocalypse. In fact, they thrive on it.

And as you probably guessed too... if you're not a contributor, you're just - meat. Tweeter finds some tapes and notes and you think she's going to find out something very shocking but nah, it's just the last doc they had who was trying to determine if a bite meant instant infection or if the rest of the 'meat' could be salvaged. Hey, if we're talking cannibalism, meat is meat unless it's gone bad, right? So basically it's a 'how to' on salvaging meat from those who were going to die anyway. Just one small problem (besides the fact it's humans they're eating). If the meat is infected and someone eats it, dies and rises, they're not gonna be 'Romero' zombies. In other words, they're not 'walkers', they're 'runners' and extremely aggressive. Again major duh.

After Elvis (he was a medic) is forced to 'salvage' meat off a man deemed unusable to the camp in any other capacity, and Tweeter finds out that being a woman in the ZA is a major drag, they both want to get out. Their leader (I keep wanting to call him the Governor) has a teenage daughter and, in one of those unreal change of hearts wants them to escape but take her with them so she'll have a better chance. She's 17 and has been kept locked in her room. She thinks he's a jerk (well, yeah) but he probably realized she's baby fodder for his hoard of horny bastards.

In the end, after some major bloodshed and decent zombie gore for a low-budget movie, the three manage to get to a boat and take off for better shores as the gov - I mean the leader watches his daughter go. He's been bitten but has not yet turned and so it's kind of sad - not. And where the hell are they going to go? Oh, right. We don't care.