THE MOVIE TITLE SAYS ODD, NOT STUPID AND CONTRIVED - SHEESH!

Odd Thomas (2013)

Odd Thomas is a book by Dean Koontz. Some people refer to him, rather unfairly, as the poor man's Stephen King. While some of his books do seem to have a lack of, I don't want to say imagination because there's plenty of that. I guess people believe that he is more of a writer for the masses, and not for those who appreciate a good scare. 

Personally, I own several of his books, and have read them many times. My favorite one is called Lightning. It's an older one, and I wish they could make a movie out of it, but at the same time I don't want them to try because I know they'd screw it up.

Lightning has just about everything. You have horror, romance, Nazis, time travel, consequences of changing events in the past, as well as the future, and just about anything else you can think of. This is a great book. I just don't want to see it on the big screen starring Brad Pitt and a bunch of CGI effects.

But let's get back to Odd Thomas. That is his actual name. He explains that his family has told him several versions of how he got that name, from it being an error, to it being the name of a distant relative. Looking at my first name, I am completely in tune with how he feels. 

It's not a lot of fun to go through life constantly having to repeat and re-repeat your name and spell it at least once every time you meet someone. And yet, celebrities think it is just wonderful to name their progeny something very, very strange with impossible spelling that their child is destined to repeat endlessly throughout its life.

Odd Thomas can see dead people. No, he's not the grown-up boy from The Sixth Sense and there is no Bruce Willis here. Odd Thomas not only sees dead people, but because, according to the rules of this book, they cannot speak, somehow he is able to discern how they died and who killed them.



Odd Thomas lives in a small California town. He works as a short order cook. The love of his life is a waitress who works there, named Stormy. He also is not passive about his ability. In fact, a phrase from the book was adapted to be the catchphrase of the movie poster. Something to the effect of I may see dead people, but then by God, I do something about it. Something like that. 

In other words, when he meets up with a dead person and sees a vision in his head of how they died and who killed them, he goes after the murderer. He does not have a weapon. In this movie, apparently, neither does anyone who he goes up against. Massive duh. In one case, he tells the killer he knows he has a bit of the victim's blood in his pocket. Then he knocks him into a swimming pool. So much for the evidence...



What he does, at least in this movie, is beat the crap out of and subdue the alleged murderer until the police arrive. In real life, this action alone would get him thrown in prison. But for the sake of this movie, he is looked on as a hero, if a little odd. Pun intended.

Now it gets weirder. Apparently, the fact that Odd can see dead people and find criminals isn't enough. There are creatures following certain people around called bodachs. These horrid gravity-defying creatures apparently follow around those, either to whom calamity is to happen, or who is about to cause calamity. Hey, I don't make this up. I just write it down. This word bodach is simply a fancy way according to wiki of saying bogeyman.



At this point, as he sometimes does, my husband walked by and saw the scene where these creatures are following someone. He immediately and correctly said that this was an awful lot like the short-lived series Dead Like Me. In that particular show, people who had died, but not crossed over, were given jobs like regular people. In their extra time they are given assignments on small sticky notes of who is about to die. 

They get a name and a time and that's it. But, strange small nasty creatures called gravelings, always seem to show up just before the person dies to make sure events come together right so that the death happens, right on schedule.

So the bodachs are this movie's way of warning you that something bad is about to happen. With movies like Paranormal Activity, and other movies of the same ilk, they use a cheap sound effect that sounds like rumbling to let you know something bad is about to happen. Here it's bodachs. 

One day while he's flipping burgers, Odd happens to notice a strange man whose hair looks like it is made of mold. And there are a butt load of bodachs, following him around. Since this movie is 100 minutes long, it takes a while to get around to the point. We get a little background on the monsters, mostly that if you pretend not to see them, they won't bother you. If they know you can see them, you're in a world of hurt. Why? Because the movie says so.

So one night, Odd is walking home, which seems very dangerous because by now the whole town must know that with this guy there are no secrets, and even though this is a very small town, apparently it's the murder capital of the world. Anywho, he's walking home when he is accosted by a ghostly apparition of a bowling team. The whole team. This time, something is very wrong. Besides the fact that he talks to dead people because they are yelling at him. Dead people do not speak according to this book and this movie.

These people are soon-to-be-departed since obviously they are not dead yet. They also are able to lift him up and carry him around. This freaks him out. That must have been hard to do, considering that he sees dead people every day. They are faceless, but the bowling shirts are very obvious. So apparently in the afterlife, people get to dress like Charlie Sheen. Dammit.

So although the movie hasn't even gone 10 minutes, already they're breaking their own rules. These faceless bowling enthusiasts are trying to get Odd Thomas away from some sort of danger. However, as they are carrying him off, they are being shot, one by one. How do dead people get shot? Well, they're not dead yet. So what are they? Already, this movie has changed its rules and now we are just as clueless as apparently Odd is.

From here the movie starts sliding into the valley of incredible movie coincidences. Something is being set up, and now Odd must play detective to find out who this strange man is and why so many monsters are not only following him, but beginning to gather in this small but very violent town.

And, of course, since Odd is the star of the show, he manages to find clues and suspects that the police don't seem to be able to locate. That doesn't make the police look very competent. Willem Dafoe plays a detective, but takes a backseat to a 20-something fry cook who can follow dead people and monsters around.



The fact that all of these bodachs are now gathering in town, not following any one specific person, but showing up everywhere, tells Odd that something big is about to happen. He just doesn't know what yet. And he won't be finding out any time soon, because this movie is 100 freaking minutes long.

To save you, my dear readers, from a huge page of incredible coincidences coming together, let's sum up. The whole idea, was to have a massacre at a local shopping mall. This is a small town. Somehow they can support huge shopping mall? Oh well, if I looked for logic, this review would be a hell of a lot longer.

Still being in the realm of incredible coincidences, there is a slow reveal of the plot. Odd finds out that the bodachs have been pretending not to see him, but actually can. Apparently, they have not killed him thus far because they believe they can use him. Massive duh. Odd finds out that not only is one of the police officers involved in this plot, but apparently several are involved.

The plan is incredibly flawed however. They have a van full of explosives, how the hell did they get hold of that? This is post-9/11 time were talking about here. That many explosives being gathered would surely set off alarms in all kinds of different places with all kinds of different government departments.

This is their plan and I'm not kidding. The three cops, who apparently were in cahoots with the mold-head guy, are dressed in black gear, complete with Kevlar vests. They are wearing black masks. The idea is for them to first kill all mall security personnel, who conveniently all happen to be in one place, then use their automatic weapons to open fire on the food court at the mall. 

Because of recent events, this was a little uncomfortable to watch. After taking out as many people as they can, their plan was to go off somewhere private, strip down to their police uniforms, and come back out and somehow save the day from themselves. Okay, that's… stupid. Plus, if they're playing hero inside the mall, who is going to set off the explosives in the truck that is parked inside the parking garage?

This leaves Odd to not only stop these three trained police officers from killing people inside the mall, using only a pistol against automatic weapons, but then he must run to the garage and get the explosives away from the mall. All within the space of a minute or two. The officers, of course, get off quite a few shots before Odd takes them down. 

Apparently, the movie is telling us that they could not hear a small pistol being fired over the sound of their automatic weapons. Bodachs are there any huge quantities, just waiting for all the carnage, so they can??? It's never really established what the monsters are there for except to facilitate the death of those they showed up for. What do they do with these people or their spirits as the movie goes, afterwards? Dunno.



And, of course, since Odd is the major good guy in this movie, even though he is shot several times, he not only manages to take out the three trained gunmen, but get to the garage, hotwire the truck, and drive it out to a conveniently located culvert and let it explode, harmlessly spreading fire along the empty canal.

So Odd and his girlfriend, Stormy, spend the next several days doing what couples in love do. They dance, they laugh - well, he laughs anyway, they sleep in, watch movies, eat junk food, and generally just enjoy each other's company.



But you know, these movies cannot have happy endings. It's the law. There's a knock at the door. It's Willem Defoe, also getting over his injuries, at the door with his wife. They gently tell Odd that it's time. The audience gets clues that something is not right with the time Odd has spent with his girlfriend. She has not said one word. And, remember the rules for this movie. Yes, his girlfriend had been present at the mall and had been killed. They are telling Odd that her body has been released and the funeral is today.

The film did not do well. It says it has a 93 minute running time (pffft...), a budget of $27 million, and a whole butt load of legal problems. But its biggest problem was the amount that was so contrived. POD tattoos on the bad guys meant 'Prince Of Darkness'? Pfft... c'mon guys. Could you be ANY lamer? For me, P.O.D will ALWAYS mean the music group (Payable On Death)... yeah, that ages me, but so what?

Coming up... Disc Three of our Pure Terror Horror Movie Marathon... aren't you excited?

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FROM BOOK TO MOVIE

Phantoms (1998)

Some like to say that Dean Koontz is the poor man's Stephen King, whatever that means. If they're trying to say he's trying to be like billion-volume selling author King, well duh, who wouldn't? Yes, Koontz's books tend to be a bit more, simplistic, and maybe not as long as Stephen King novels (some which go well over 1,000 pages) but he does has some good stories. If you're going to read one, I would personally suggest Lightning - it manages to mix horror, sci fi and some romance with good results. I don't think I'd want to see them attempt to make it into a movie though. Like this one shouldn't have been.

Phantoms is a story he wrote in 1983 that in 1998, for whatever reason, they decided to try to put on the big screen. It immediately got panned for trying to 'copy' movies like 'The Blob' and 'The Thing' but it really didn't - it's just the ideas in the movie aren't that original. But hey, when you're looking at a movie that got Ben Affleck and Peter O'Toole of all people to star in it, you want to check it out.

Sisters Lisa (Rose McGowan, later to find fame in Grindhouse films) and Jenny (Joanna Going who I owe an apology to, thinking through the whole movie I was watching Jamie Gertz of The Lost Boys - oops.) are taking a break at the small town of Snowfield, Colorado. It is getting on winter time, and this is a resort town, but when they get there, there's not a soul about. Literally. 

Arriving home where Jenny has her medical practice (always handy and convenient to have a doctor in these movies) they make the horrifying discovery of finding the body of her housekeeper. They immediately go to the Sheriff's office, only to find the body of a deputy. They are surprised there by Sheriff Bryce Hammond (Ben Affleck) and two of his deputies, one nice, one a short step from pedophilomania (I made that word up, seems to fit). The three were out of town and he had been on the phone with the deputy when the line went dead (as did the deputy I guess).

The five cautiously look around the main street of town. Everyone (except for a couple of bodies) is just - gone without a trace. And obviously in a heartbeat. In the motel they find one room empty except for a huge pile of metal on the bed: watches, rings, earrings, other jewelry and, more disturbing, metal things that would normally be found INSIDE a body, such as a pacemaker. The only clue is a lipstick-written note on a mirror that simply says 'Dr. Flyte The Ancient Evil'. The Sheriff manages to get that much out in a radio transmission before everything goes dark - then light - then dark. They figure that the 'it', whatever it is must be playing with them.

A voice calls out to them from the outside, sort of the sound of a woman screaming. The nice but dumb deputy runs out to the street - and then there were four. Something weird flying around tries to get to the others, but the other deputy Stu and Sheriff put about 50 bullet

s in it. Why and why didn't they need to reload? The script said so, I guess. Was it dead? Uh, what do you think? The obviously sick in the head deputy (played with gusto by Liev Schrieber, a face you've seen a lot if you don't recognize the name) gets a few more smarmy remarks in before the 'dead' flying thing bursts into the motel and eats his face, spitting out his glasses. And now there's three.

Then the movie stalls - badly. We have to endure the 'kidnapping' of Professor Flyte (Peter O'Toole sadly misused) by the FBI, the Army moving in (don't they always) and the long explanation made short that long ago Flyte had written an article for his university about an 'Ancient Evil' for which he was 'politely' kicked out. He now writes for a tabloid. We have to wait (or if you're like me with the fast forward button and close captioning you can speed past this part) for everybody to get their... stuff together and get to the town of Snowfield. 

Meanwhile, the three are fighting just to survive the night. While Lisa tries to use the bathroom, she hears strange sounds from the pipes and suddenly the creepy and dead Deputy Stu appears and leers at her - but she's allowed to get away. 'Stu' appears again, this time leering at both women saying 'You want to see something?' and the lower half of him is like an octopus and he, uh, morphs into something deadly but still doesn't manage to kill them.

Oh there's backstory on the Sheriff you have to know for the end, sorry. He's a Harvard graduate and FBI candidate but became a small town cop 'cause during a raid he found a kid in the closet with a gun and killed him. The gun was a toy. End of story.

The faster we make this, the faster the movie ends.

Oops, a little backstory on this 'Ancient Enemy' - supposedly for every strange disappearance you've ever heard of in history (think of the Mayans, or the colonists at Roanoke) the culprit behind it is this massive creature living inside the earth, only coming up to 'feed' on the living whenever it wants to and, like flatworms can, learns everything that the things and people it consumes knows. So since there were some religious nuts it apparently ate (I don't like nuts in my food personally), it now believes it is the Devil himself. Enough.

The Army shows up in force and being a movie-army that means they're movie-stupid, getting wiped out almost right away. At least it gets the movie moving again. Professor Flyte is spared, because he is the 'disciple' and must 'write the Gospel'. Oh man, they really shouldn't have tried to make this into a movie, the book went much better. Poor Peter O'Toole. Flyte discovers (Since the thing wants itself studied, I dunno, maybe it hopes it'll die?) that the creature's body is almost identical to petrolatum (oil to us dummies), and theorizes that bacteria bioengineered to break down oil spills (of which they conveniently have a sample) should kill it.

After more movie stalling and longing looks passed between the Sheriff and the Doctor and we start for the fast forward button again, Professor Flyte, also apparently a bioengineer has discovered a way to inject the 'thing' with this bacteria that supposedly multiplies 11 times a minute. I think - does it really matter? They load up some syringes and get guns to shoot them with (Wait, what?) and have the good Professor go out on the street to goad 'it' to show itself. 

He makes a speech, sounding like he's betraying them, but actually he's trying to make 'it' mad (I dunno, maybe it learned anger from us dummies too.) and suddenly in a heartbeat in front of him appear hundreds of people. Just standing. Then they kind of part in the middle and we see the blob - oops, I mean 'it' forming out of the sewer and rise into a huge column reaching toward the sky. They shoot it - it screams with I guess untold numbers of voices and sinks back down to the sewers. So it's gone, right? 

The Professor, a handy chap, says it probably has a nucleus that can survive without the bulk of its body (and unless you didn't pay attention to the backstory you can pretty much write this part yourself). It is most likely still in the sewers. So down goes Sheriff Bryce, who is met with... everyone say it with me... the little boy he had killed in the raid. Anyone who is surprised needs to stop watching movies. 

Anywho, his reluctance to shoot the 'kid' makes 'it' beat the hell out of him, throwing him around like crazy which makes no sense - why not immediately consume him and start growing again? Oh well. Bryce tries to reach for the remaining syringes but the boy picks them up. Bryce points his gun at him. 'Still want to shoot little boys?' it taunts. 'No, this time I'm gonna miss.'

He shoots the syringes, getting the bacteria all over the boy after which we get the head shaking back and forth at a thousand rpm's that movies like to use for dramatic effect but has been used so much we just wait for 'it' to get done. Okay, it's dead. I guess. Flyte thinks it won since it wanted to be known about, and announces he is going to tell the world what happened. Flyte releases a book titled The Ancient Enemy, which is based on his experiences. 

Later, two bar patrons argue about the existence of alien life. Nearby, a Sheriff's deputy starts to laugh. The deputy, (everybody together now) the creepy and dead several times over Stu turns around and asks them, 'Do you want to see something?' Okay that's an outright ripoff of the ending of Twighlight Zone: The Movie, which came out the same year as the book. Oh well, we now know it's over but it's not over but at least there won't be a sequel.