A BLOODY BREAK WITH THE HISTORY OF BLOODY GORE AND A BLOODY BLAST AT YOUNG BLOODY FILMMAKERS AND THEIR BLOODY CGI! (CAUTION: THERE! WILL! BE! BLOOD!!!)







Where Was I?

As I've promised (several times), a review of the opus Kill Bill Volumes 1 and 2 is coming. It's not a blow-by-blow review (or else it would be a small book), but a critical view of what I thought was great, good, iffy, horrible, and downright stupid about the two movies. 

"NOW GO HOME TO YOUR MOTHER!"

I had to wait on the review for just a bit, because I found out that it was not presented as Quentin Tarantino wanted it to be (the censors got at it between the showing at the Cannes Film Festival in 2003, and what audiences saw afterward in theaters). So that changed my perspective about certain things, but there were still plenty of points that I thought were just bloody awful so...

Speaking of blood.

Nightmare On Elm Street

While working on the damned thing, I got off on a tangent, as I always do. I wasn't feeling well (natch), the dictation software was giving me fits (either I had stopped speaking English or it decided that it preferred Klingon), and even the hubby was giving some unsolicited advice that, though usually welcome, at that moment just made me want to chuck the whole thing. Which is why you're not reading it yet.

Speaking of blood.


I actually MADE my hubby sit and watch the infamous nightclub katana sword fight scene from Kill Bill 1. There were so many of the different elements (good, bad, stupid, etc.) in just that one sequence I thought he'd enjoy it... nope. I did get the chance to show him that Quentin apparently thought that human blood in the body is kept at an extremely high pressure, like a fire hose, so something like losing an arm (or a head) can cause a spray equal to kids breaking open a fire hydrant on a hot day. But I digress about digressing.

Speaking of blood.

NOT from Kill Bill...

So I wondered - with this two-movie opus, did Tarantino break any records with the use of fake blood? I decided to look around. Now my "findings" are not all inclusive of course - you probably know of a particularly bloody film that seemed to uses gallons of the stuff - all those produced before CGI of course. AND there is great debate on the amounts used so this contest may be invalid altogether but that never stopped me before.

Speaking of blood.


How much do I hate CGI? Let's put it this way: After watching one heavily CGI'd zombie movie (no it was not World War Z) I read a comment by a parent who said, basically, "Finally! A zombie movie I can let my children watch that is not just blood and guts." And there's your answer.

Speaking of blood.

...except maybe this guy.

Waaay back in the old days (she said drawing up her shawl and knitting needles) people died usually without much fuss, maybe a blood spot on the clothes, and the requisite drip of blood from the corner of the mouth. Blood meant death, no matter how small the amount. Character has a bloody nose? Gonna die. Blood when they cough or sneeze? Gonna die. I'm surprised they didn't try to convince their audiences that women actually were gonna die a little each month (actually that's not far off from the truth)...

Speaking of blood.

Audiences changed - which meant that the horror genre (where most of the blood was spilled) had to change. They wanted more - and more realistic. Enter the great makeup and special effects geniuses that made horror just so, so awful (which means they made it lots of fun to watch): 


Rick Baker. In my opinion, he made the absolute best werewolf I have ever seen (and the scene of a man morphing to werewolf) in An American Werewolf In London (1981) - it has not been done better, even with all the so-called advances. And I loved the poor, ever decaying friend Jack. This is an early picture of Baker making the original 'Baby' from It's Alive. His credits are way too numerous to count, his talent huge, and his fans, lots and lots (sorry to be so technical).

Greg Nictero. He and his eeeevil minions did such a wonderful job on the Evil Dead series. He formed the K.N.B. EFX Group which has worked on hundreds of projects - and no CGI, so there! And you can't mention Nictero without...

Tom Savini. He is the epitome of special effects (and the sexiest man ever born). He is known as the Godfather of Gore, The Sultan Of Splatter, The Come To My Bedroom And I'll Show... whoops, sorry. Ignore that last one. Starting as a makeup artist (that sounds really tame - it's not) he eventually branched out to acting, directing, producing, even doing stunts. 

The picture above is an early one of his work on the original Jason Voorhees for Friday The 13th. But back to special effects: Savini's 'process' is so revered, he runs the 'Tom Savini's Special Make-Up Effects Program' in Pennsylvania. His age may be greater than even mine (blush) but he is just one of those guys who'll be handsome when they're 1,000 years old - I'll wait.

Speaking of blood.


Dick Smith. This is getting too long (natch) but I'd be an idiot not to include at least Dick Smith, the reason why people cowered (or just plain vomited) during The Exorcist, watched a freaking HEAD explode in Scanners, and, despite all the titles Tom Savini has rightfully gathered for himself, it is Smith who is considered the Godfather Of Modern-Day Special Effects Makeup. His work didn't just include horror, but Taxi Driver, Little Big Man, The Godfather and countless others... the guy is just freaking sweet.

Speaking of blood.

See how easy it is to become distracted? I am typing this by hand 'cause I thought it'd be short - now I'll be moaning and wrapping my wrists, and gulping down the pain pills for the rest of the week.

Speaking of blood.

SO. Who is the champion of Most Fake Blood Used In A Single Movie? I was wondering if it was Kill Bill (considering the people with gallons of high pressure blood in 'em, and Uma slices up an awful lot) but I remembered a couple of earlier movies so I'm just doing A COUPLE of movies and how much fake blood was used. If my pick for 'Most Blood' is incorrect, please send a message - I am pleased to look things up and if I'm wrong, I have no problem with saying so. SO.

Speaking of blood.

The Shining (1980): I'm leaving Stephen King out of this one (Why not, Family Could Brick did... hmm? What was that? Oh, that's how my freaking dictation software kept insisting on spelling Stanley Kubrick, which is why I'm typing today.), which sucks 'cause it's King's story - please read the book, especially now that the book Dr. Sleep (the sequel) is out which, as far as I've gotten in it, is just soooo cool. But despite the movie's many flaws and conspiracy theories it had a doozy of a fake blood scene. A couple hundred gallons of the stuff sounds wild enough.

Speaking of blood.

But Family Could Brick insisted that the first two takes weren't 'real' enough and insisted on a third. So mop up the muck and try again, right? Nope. Each take took so long to set up that before Family Could Brick was satisfied, a WHOLE YEAR had gone by... and it was bloody but still extremely flawed. Check out the video of it - not only is the elevator... strange, but the mechanism that both propped open the door and made the blood shoot out from floor to ceiling quite clearly flops onto the floor. So much for dissin' old Stephen, huh Could Brick?

Speaking of blood.

In 1984's A Nightmare On Elm Street, a Wes Craven masterpiece and a starting point for several now-famous actors and actresses (the bedroom scene is shown above), the total amount of fake blood used for the movie (which was shot in 30 days) was over 500 gallons. According to sources that is. If you know of a different number, do tell.

Speaking of blood.


1992, a not-quite-world-famous-yet Peter Jackson made a little film in New Zealand (actually he made quite a few but I digress times infinity), called Braindead (Dead Alive for those lucky enough to see it in the States). It was dismissed as just a gross-out for the sake of being gross... until LOTR. THEN all of a sudden it became a 'cult classic'. Hmm. Being about nasty zombies from a bite spread by a Sumatran Rat-Monkey, the movie has since become discussed and debated (excuse me) to death.

Who the hell cares about if they used the same cemetery from The Frighteners (another Jackson film) or if the priest says 'ass' or 'arse'? I wanted to know how much fake blood was used. The amount passes up anything made up to then or since, even if I went with the low estimate of 5,000 gallons to the whopping post-production estimate of 20,000 gallons. That's... quite a mess. But fun. 

In one of the last scenes of DA, Lionel (our hero) uses a plain, one blade lawnmower as a zombie dismemberment machine. It is said that the lawnmower sprayed out five gallons of fake blood per second. Believe what you want, I'm just glad they kept the mess mostly to one room (okay, set).

Speaking of blood.

So Kill Bill (2003 and 2004), pales in comparison (pun intended) using only a couple hundred of gallons. Huh. So who's the winner? Depends on who you believe.

...umm, this is Ash in Evil Dead 2 by the way...

There are sites that claim (and I'm not buying it 'cause I've seen both movies) that the reboot of Evil Dead (2013) kicks ass for the Lord on a much greater scale than Braindead, using 'over 50,000 gallons' of fake blood. Uh huh. But this same source also claimed that Braindead only used 1,000 gallons. Not. Even. Close.

Speaking of blood.


Am I being totally obsessive about my love of red, messy, squishy, pulpy gore in my movies? Lets have a couple of bad examples, shall we? There are no GOOD examples of CGI. First, in the reboot of Fright Night (2011), a woman who has 'turned' exploded in the sunlight right next to Charlie (the, uh, hero) and yet not a drop of blood, guts, skin, clothes, etc. hits him, the lawn, or anything else. WTH? Second, there's been a couple of zombie films (which I refuse to name) in which zombies are blown apart and... evaporate, because there is absolutely not a shred of evidence that they were even there in the first place.

Yup. Give me my pulp, my mess, my icky sticky red stuff. You want CGI? Play video games.


Note: Goddammit now my whole column is blown. I just read (and this is unconfirmed but knowing the Whedonverse it is conceivable) that they used an impossible 200,000 gallons of fake blood in their 2012 movie The Cabin In The Woods. Somebody please write me to tell me this is wrong... still, it was an awesome movie that I faithfully watch several times a month...

DID I MENTION I HAVE A FACEBOOK PAGE?

Warning: Shameless Plug Ahead

Yeah I know, I pretty much trashed Facebook in my previous post, but I AM still using the thing for games mostly. All my 'friends' must be pissed at me about something because those who haven't dumped me aren't talking to me. So I gathered up some 'game friends'.

Sooooo.... in part to get away from some of the games, and to kind of steer people to my blog page, I set up a horror page on Facebook. The name was changed several times since they changed the way they index these stupid things several times, so Miss Murder's Dungeon Of Horror is there because it has three key words in it that might show up on lists. I have a whopping 56 people on it. I don't get it. I looked around for comparisons.

One page had TWO entries from 2012 - that's it. It had 84,000 people on it. WHAAA??? Another was a new page started toward the end of December - it has 3,300 people on it. Again I could count the number of posts on one hand.

I've tried - worked hard on it. I've had movie quizzes, trivia, links to this blog (of course) as well as what movie I've just reviewed, everything I could think of. Fifty-six people. Oh, having more people IS possible - all I have to do is PAY for it. See there's an option where you can 'boost' an entry to have more people see it. 

That means that if you post 10 times a day, your followers will maybe get two or three of them. BUT pay the bucks and MAYBE all 10 posts will show up. MAYBE. If you're willing to spend ten bucks a day FB can promise that MAYBE you can get (in my case) 15-32 more likes. Ten bucks for a maybe.

So this is a shameless plug for anyone who uses Facebook to at least LOOK at my page - you don't have to like it: https://www.facebook.com/dumbandboringmovies .

Yesterday I had a page full of trivia on the original Evil Dead movie, then a note or two on the sequels. Just 'cause I'm a nice person, here they are:

The 1981 Evil Dead was very VERY hard to try to get made and to the public. As an example of what the film was about, in 1978 Sam and Bruce made a 30 minute movie called Within The Woods. With a little searching, you can find it on the internet.

The Evil Dead was made in 1981 by a 22-year-old up and comer named Sam Raimi. It starred a buddy of his, 23-year-old Bruce Campbell. It is a cult classic and is considered the-movie-that-could, since it was so low budget and almost everything was an experiment in trying unconventional movie filming and special effects. It is considered by Stephen King to be on of his favorite movies.

From the original short 'Within The Woods' Sam Raimi kept working on the story and soon it became The Book Of The Dead. The name was soon changed to 'The Evil Dead' although devoted fans soon just started calling it 'Evil Dead'.

Despite the short film Sam Raimi directed (Within The Woods) he still had trouble finding ways to finance the movie (the budget goal was $100,000, or about $320,877.41 today). The film slowly got enough to start, but not without loans, some coming from Bruce Campbell himself. And filming was slow, hard and full of experimentation.

Ted Raimi, Sam's brother, was often used as a body double, known as a 'Fake Shemp'. The term comes from when Shemp Howard of The Three Stooges died suddenly during a film shoot and so a body double was used in some scenes that needed re-shot. The term stuck and is still used today.

On the set of the original Evil Dead, props and effects often were either made up on the spot, or so primitive they were almost laughable. One effect that caused considerable trouble was the contact lenses they used for the 'demon eyes' effect. They were extremely thick, took ten minutes to apply, and could only be worn 15 minutes at a time since they didn't allow the eyes to 'breathe'. Another drawback: There was no seeing through them - when they were worn, the actor/actress was essentially blind. When you see Ash fighting off a weapon-wielding demon, he's really fighting not to get hurt - since they could not see, they could not avoid hitting him and he had to really work to stay out of the way.

In The Evil Dead, Ash Williams drives a 1973 Olds Delta 88. This was Sam Raimi's car, bought brand new by his father. He called it 'The Classic'. This soon became Sam's stamp in his films, the car appearing somewhere in just about every movie he made (even if briefly). The last one I personally saw it in was Drag Me To Hell. In the reboot of 'Evil Dead' in 2013, a nod is given to the iconic symbol when in one of the opening scenes the main character, Mia Allen, is found sitting on the rusted body of 'The Classic'. At least they wanted you to think so. It IS an Olds, they even busted the left headlight like in the original ED, but the front is different - the rusted heap she sits on is actually a '74 Olds.

The film was shot in Michigan and Tennessee. Because of budget constraints, this would become home to several of them for a couple of months. While there were phones, the cabin had no plumbing and no heat. The crew consisted almost entirely of Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell's friends and family.

Pain. Bruce Campbell learned all about what being in constant pain was during the filming of The Evil Dead. Besides the constant abuse he suffered from the stunts, when they first started filming, he tripped over a root and severely messed up his ankle. Sam Raimi, wanting the movie to be a good one, liked that Bruce now limped and even poked his injury with a stick, just to make sure he was still in pain. But hey, they were friends, right? Talking about pain... during filming, which included camera angles and last minute inventions of setting up shots, a newbie cameraman accidentally hit Bruce Campbell in the mouth with the camera. He lost several teeth.

Sam Raimi never intended to have an Evil Dead 2. He was done and wanted to go on to other things. Buuut some of those things didn't do too well and since he was offered a 3.6 million ($7,382,440.14 today) dollar budget he kind of... went for it. And so did Bruce.

Just a brief mention of the is/is not sequel to the second Evil Dead. It's been called Evil Dead 3 Army of Darkness, Army of Darkness and Bruce Campbell vs. Army of Darkness. It had a $12 million (about $29 million today) budget. It is more campy and has more comedy than the first two. And Bruce looked sexy as hell in it. It was... groovy.

See? We have fun... <rolls eyes> so if you're ever nearby give it a look...

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MY SUMMATION OF THE HORROR MOVIE BUSINESS OF 2013 - IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT TOUGH, IT WAS TORTURE FOR ME... JUST KIDDING, I LOVE IT...

The Year 2013

This was a big year for the remake/reboot genre. I know, I know, it's not in itself a genre but it should be. We wept (or at least cursed under our breaths) when we saw our past favorites of every genre up on the big screen either chopped up and served to appease the younger masses, or in a bigger piss off, put up exactly as is with just a couple of 3D effects added and a bigger ticket price. Let's face it, 2013 sucked and 2014 isn't looking much brighter. This is what we had this year listed by Country:

United States:
Bad Milo!
Carrie
Curse of Chucky
The Conjuring
Dark Skies
Evil Dead
Hatchett III
The Haunting In Connecticut 2: Ghosts Of Georgia
I Spit On Your Grave 2
It's A Beautiful Day (with Japan)
The Last Exorcism Part II
Texas Chainsaw 3D
V/H/S/2
Warm Bodies
We Are What We Are
Willow Creek
World War Z

Japan:
Arcana

The Complex

It's A Beautiful Day (with US)
Miss Zombie

China:
The Chrysalis
The Deadly Strands
Lift To Hell
Midnight Train
Mysterious Island 2

Hong Kong:
Rigor Mortis
Tales From The Dark 1 & 2

S. Korea:
Horror Stories 2
Killer Toon

Thailand:
Long Weekend
Pee Mak

Other:
Dark Touch                              France/Ireland
Frankenstein's Army                 Netherlands
Mama                                      Canada/Spain


I'd hate to admit just how many of these I've actually seen. I didn't really try to see newer movies until this year and I didn't feel privileged in the slightest. We soooo need some new blood in the horror department it's getting hard to make fun of what is just sad and a repeat of everything else. Now if I was on the Satellite of Love with two faithful robots at my side...

But I'm alone. It seems a lot of other horror reviewers need to put a value on everything, whether it's a thumbs up or down, a number of stars, whatever. I don't do that for a very good reason: It over simplifies the movie. Geez, you watch for anywhere from 90 minutes to 120 minutes and you're just going to be satisfied by saying 'Two and a half stars out of five'? Pffft. You can do that just by reading the title.

I can give you my opinion of some things though, take it or leave it...

Worst Title Of The Year: The Haunting In Connecticut 2: Ghosts Of Georgia runs in a close first for the year. Connecticut - Georgia. Could they be further apart? Yes, but then they wouldn't be in the same Country. Massive duh. How does one story connect with the other except for the 'haunting' part? Sheesh.

Second Worst Title Of The Year: The Last Exorcism II. Exqueeze me? Can you repeat that and NOT see something wrong with that title? How can an exorcism be the last if.... <facepalm, reaches for Excedrin>

The Why Exactly Was This A Necessary Movie is a tie between I Spit On Your Grave II (which is a sequel to the REMAKE, not the original) and Texas Chainsaw 3D. And no I DON'T know if they 3D'd the first one or the REMAKE.

The Most Decent Reboot Of A Cult Movie: Evil Dead. I was prepared to hate this film, loving the original three as I do and wondering how you can even have an ED without Bruce, but except for the typical uneven action progression, kind of thin plot and predictable ending, they did a decent job - and thanks Sam for including the iconic Olds Delta 88 for us old people.

The Second Most Decent Reboot Of A Cult Movie: Whether you call this a cult classic or a franchise, this 'award' goes to Curse Of Chucky. I don't know why this was straight to video - they wanted to make Chucky back into a nasty little guy who's whole purpose was to kill instead of being a joke and they did that. Having the main character be handicapped (played actually pretty well by Brad Dourif's own daughter, Fiona) added to the tension and the mayhem. It wasn't a great movie but it didn't deserve the 'toss it in a bin' attitude.

A Movie That Was A Great Movie Once. Once.: Carrie. C'mon guys, we've had the original and best (even though I ripped it up from all the boo boo's in it as part of my review but it was still the best) in 1976, then a Broadway musical in 1988, a sequel called The Rage: Carrie 2 in 1999, a TV remake in 2002 (which they tried to make a series but thank goodness that didn't happen), and now this remake (they're not trying the 'reboot' trick with this one) which is supposed to be 'more faithful to the book'. Hmm. I read the book, the 1976 was pretty close as far as I remember - maybe I'll have to read it again before I attempt to watch this new treatment of the infamous girl with a deadly temper.

Oh yeah, that looks totally real... really.

The Only Two Zombie Movies (in the US) Of The Year Suuuuuuucked: In the number one spot of this two-movie category would have to be World War Z. A combination of Brad Pitt and a ton of CGI nonsense is NOT what we wanted for Max Brooks' famous novel - we wanted gore dammit - rotting flesh, suffering survivors - not a PG13 view of fakier than fake (my word, deal with it) piles of zombies that were... really dumb. Watching Brad Pitt and his single-expression acting was not a treat either. Ick.

The number two spot for this category is Warm Bodies. Again, PG-13 and when a parent gushes how finally she can take her children to see a zombie movie and not worry about the gore and violence we zombie lovers know to stay far far FAR away from this puke-warm treatment that is the Twilight of zombie movies. Besides, this is NOT an original idea - it was done (and done much better) in movies like Fido (2006), and even the stinkers Boy Eats Girl (2005) and A Little Bit Zombie (2012). In other words, bringing a vomit bag to the theater would be a good idea.

Whoops, sorry, wrong mama monster...

Biggest Movie Disappointment: Mama. I had high hopes for this one, being produced by Guillermo del Toro (well, he was an Executive Producer which probably means he looked at the movie and shrugged), and being described by everybody (read people trying to sell tickets) as 'extremely scary and spooky'. Pffft. 

There we go... you can understand my confusion...

When the movie started showing a father on the edge killing his coworkers and wife and taking off with his two girls, driving movie stupid on a snowy road (he was going off to kill them in the woods for some reason) and crashing, saving the girls and finding a cabin and STARTING A FIRE TO WARM THEM UP so he can, I dunno, shoot them without them shivering and ruining his aim, I immediately lost any respect for this film. The effects were... okay. But the ending was soooo obvious that I found myself just impatiently waiting for the credits.

Well that's it for the present - I'm sure I'll have more opinions soon. They seem to attack me whenever I'm trying to do something else (sleep, read, sleep some more) so prepare yourselves.

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REMAKE, REBOOT, REDONE, REMODEL, REACQUAINT, READAPT, READDICT, REAFFIRM - GROOVY


Evil Dead (2013)

Never let it be said that I don't like the works of Sam Raimi. How could you NOT like the Raimi family - Sam who, in his youth, finds a young Bruce Campbell to torture in the Evil Dead series, his brother Ted who I had seen previously (and not known they were related) playing a fake Shemp (that's another term I got to learn - it means someone who doubles in a scene for another actor - kind of like a body double or it could be only the appearance of one limb. 

Ted and Sam

It comes from the time of the Three Stooges when Shemp Howard died in the middle of a shoot (no not on camera sicko) and they needed to finish so they used old footage and spliced in 'fake Shemps' where they needed his presence on the set. And last but certainly not least Ivan (he's older than Sam by three years) who, when he's not practicing Osteopathic Medicine, writes screenplays, most notably the Army Of Darkness - also co-writing the comic book published with my fave company Dark Horse Comics.

Now the hubby doesn't understand what the difference between a remake and a reboot is. A REMAKE is like having a house that needs updating, remodeling. So you replace some appliances update the pipes and electrical wiring to code, maybe add new carpets and furniture. But a REBOOT is saying 'okay this house is salvageable but we gotta gut it' and you take it down almost to the frame and when you're done it's the same house but still somewhat different. 

THAT is what this movie is. You have the elements of Evil Dead (Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell are on the credits as Executive Producers) but the movie is NOT your 1981 Evil Dead. It is your GRANDKID'S Evil Dead. Get used to the creaking noises, 'cause it's you. This is a full review so if you don't want spoilers, watch and then come back and read. And we start:

A girl is running in the woods. She thinks she's gotten away but she's caught (I swear one of the guys that catches her is either Sam or Ted - not in the credits though). They tie her up in a basement. Her father answers her questions sadly - her mother is dead, she, in fact, killed her and she's possessed. She denies it until the evil emerges and consequently is set on fire and shot in the face for good measure. That'll teach her.

So our 'twenty-somethings gathered in a isolated cabin to get slaughtered' are shown and by their names I want them dead but I know that's gonna happen so I relax. There's Mia, David, Eric, Olivia and Natalie. Their purpose for isolating themselves in this place? Mia is a recovering addict. Her brother David is reconnecting with her after leaving her to care for their mother who was committed to an asylum, because apparently there's one in every town in America except mine. The others are just... there to provide bodies for the evil we know is already there.

Now they give a whole lot of references that will be familiar to the original Evil Dead fans, the most famous (and most well known) being the 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88 or as Sam calls it 'The Classic' which appears in pretty much every movie he's made. The car was bought new by his father, and how he weaves it in to every movie is kind of funny and kind of sweet. We know it best as Ash's car and see it here, rusted out and sitting on the property by the cabin.

Mia does a mini-ceremony where she dumps the last of her drugs into a deep well (don't worry, no slimy long black haired things climb out) and the friends go into the cabin. Now in this Evil Dead the cabin belongs to Mia and her brother's family - and so are startled when they find the lock broken, the cabin having been used by someone else.

So the long haired dude finds THE BOOK and despite the fact that it is wired shut he cuts it open - and despite the fact that it says LEAVE THIS BOOK ALONE like Alice in Wonderland that's just an invitation for him to not only go through the book but find the words that have been scribbled out and using pencil to shade the letters, reads them out loud. He really should have died first.

So as Mia goes through withdrawal, she's also the first one to get attacked by the forest (interesting rape scene that wasn't as, um, graphic as the original) - so there's no one safe person in the cabin as with the original. If you notice as you watch there are nods to the elements of the other three ED movies: The cabin, the camera in the woods scenes, the 'rape' by the forest, the boiling water (Ash drank boiling water in AoD) the cellar door being bolted but the 'possessed' being able to open it a crack to taunt the others, the fact that the constant rain has washed away their only means of leaving (in ED it was a bridge collapsing) - there's a whole lot of little things and obvious things that make you like this movie despite not having the almighty Bruce be your hero in it.

Mia tries to run off but comes back completely possessed. Oh, in this movie to be 'possessed' not only means the spooky eyes (I'm sure they improved on the nasty contacts the original ED actors had to wear), but their moves become disjointed (lots of cricks and cracks) and of course they have evil voices. After getting hold of the shotgun, she manages to shoot her brother in the shoulder before collapsing. 

Olivia runs to help her and Mia sits over her and gives her the 'Ash' treatment - yup, thanks Sam for telling movie makers it's perfectly okay to shower your actors with gallons of ooky bloody stuff in the name of horror. Mia gets thrown in the cellar. Olivia soon also becomes possessed (with the cricks and cracks) except she gets the added pleasure of pissing herself. Fun. Oh and then she tries to cut her face off. It's an interesting progression from the originals that reflects the escalation of gore in 'modern' horror. But we still have some classic moments:

When Eric is stabbed with a piece of mirror by his now-dead girlfriend Olivia, David takes out the shard, puts pressure on the wound and... gets out the duct tape. If you can't fix it, duct it. That's a lesson for you kiddies. Anywho, Natalie duhs her way into the cellar 'cause she feels sorry for Mia - pretty soon, she doesn't feel anything. That's a joke people. 

No but really, at this point the new movie gets kind of blase' with lines like 'I can smell your filthy soul.' What, is she not so fresh? The 'demon' is called the Taker Of Souls. Oh now THAT'S original. The ToS has to have five to unleash the Abomination. How many teenagers were there? Oh that's convenient. I wonder if Sam cringed any at those particular changes.

But we get some of the same good stuff like one loses a hand (actually her arm just above the elbow) which unfortunately doesn't help, the book won't burn, there's a nail gun (always a fun toy for shooting your friends with over and over and over...), the idiot who started the whole thing tells David he not only has to kill his sister, but cut her up, burn her or bury her alive, his choice. Nice. 

When he can't set her on fire, out comes the chain saw. But nope, he can't do that either so it's burying her alive. After he does that, we get a silly Rube Goldberg contraption for a home made defibrillator (kids don't try this at home) with a car battery, a switch, a couple of syringes and kapow! But car batteries weren't meant to do this kind of idiotic thing so it goes dead and so does she. 

But wait! In typical horror movie style - today's typical style anyway - she lives! He runs into the cabin to get the car keys and a photo or two - massive duh on his part. But then, they're supposed to be 'cause otherwise we wouldn't have the big finish.

Eric, the long haired hippy idiot who started the whole thing by opening the Book of the Dead and reading from it, is now possessed and stabs David in the throat. To save his sister who's still outside he manages to shoot a gas can with a shotgun making the cabin blow up which happens never anywhere. While he's looking for the shotgun we get this weird sound like an air raid siren for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Kaboom. But that is a massive duh because now five people have been killed (the fifth was when Mia's heart stopped when she got buried alive).

The Abomination is coming. How do we know (besides the dead dudes)? Because it starts raining blood. Even with the blowing chunks in one of the girls faces scene, this is really the only overly bloody scene in this movie. Sam used gallons more of gore than this movie did. Oh well. So the Abomination is here and Mia has to deal with it. Yay. So there's a loooong fight sequence and for some reason more air raid siren noises which are more annoying than suspense-building. Finally out comes the chainsaw.

But first... how come they kind of cheaped out on the Abomination? This is supposed to be the BIG BAD WOLF of the movie and it's... another girl. Whaaa? She's evil looking and gross. So was all the rest of them. So what? Couldn't they have at least made up something... weird? They have the technology. They have the money. They apparently didn't have the imagination.

But back to the fight. Through a series of duh moves and more fighting, the car is tipped over and lands on Mia's... hand. Yup, we've had an arm slicing scene (that was one hell of an electric knife), but now - hmm, trapped hand, chainsaw. Chainsaw, trapped hand. What to do, what to do... But Mia is totally hard core. Not being able to reach the chainsaw she rips her hand off just by tugging it out from under the car. That allows her to grab the chainsaw and splits the Abomination in half. The blood rain stops, Mia staggers off, and what they're now calling the Naturom Demonto (What happened to Book Of The Dead?) slams shut.

And I now know I have to watch ALL the credits to the movies 'cause I missed this the first time: Number one, I think this is one of the few movie that has as much or more blood showing in the credits than in the movie itself; Number two, more air sirens. So next time you hear one there's either going to be a tornado, or an Abomination coming at you; Number three, once again the 'fake shemps' are listed; Number four, you get to hear the original tape recording from the first Evil Dead; Number five, if you wait cleeeear to the end of the credits you get a profile of Bruce Campbell who says 'Groovy' then swings his head to look at you.

One last thing - although the movie was supposed to be set in Michigan (as was the original), it was actually filmed in Muriwai Beach, Woodhill Forest, Woodhill, Auckland, New Zealand. Groovy.

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