Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.
Showing posts with label Found Footage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Found Footage. Show all posts

Friday, October 24, 2014

HOPE I DIE BEFORE I GET OLD






The Taking aka The Taking Of Deborah Logan (2014) 

Yeah, yeah, I know it's way too late for me (and even later for The Who) but I'm not too old to remember how I felt when I was a young whippersnapper like you. I was never going to be 21, then I was never going to be 30, then 35... and so on. I was going to party like it was 1999 because surely there wasn't going to be any years past that, right? But age is a bitch and so am I. The endless whining I do about the many ways my body and mind are conspiring against me should give you an idea of how old I feel. But it's inevitable, and so is disease.

I don't usually do this, but this found-footage movie actually has a few nuggets in it that, although the story is predictable and my Horror Movie Worksheet (patent pending) was mostly filled about 20 minutes in, there's still some interesting twists and a freaking sweet scene toward the end. Thus I'm suggesting if you want to check this out, it is currently streaming on Netflix (Who has it marked as a 2015 film so hey, you'll be time travelling too!) so to avoid spoilers, you know what to do.


Usually movies (unless they're Catholic possession movies of course) try to inform you that most who act possessed may have a type of mental illness. This movie takes a bit of a different direction. In this case, it's Alzheimer's. Here's the official short synopsis: Mia Medina (Michelle Ang) has finally found the perfect subject for her PhD thesis film on Alzheimer’s Disease. For the next several months, cameras will record the everyday life of mother Deborah Logan (Jill Larson, who would get a bloody Academy Award for her performance if the stupid voters didn't ignore horror films) and her daughter Sarah (Anne Ramsay). 

But as the days progress, strange things begin to happen around Deborah that are not consistent with any findings about Alzheimer’s. It becomes apparent that there’s something besides Alzheimer’s that has taken control of Deborah’s life. It’s an evil that is far worse than the debilitating disease with which she was first diagnosed.

Alzheimer patients really ARE possessed, they just don't remember it <rim shot>. That was the hubby's so don't throw popcorn at me, please. 

Just from the brief synopsis I bet you could write most of the movie down too. And you'd be right - up to a point. This movie, vastly superior to much-hyped movies like The Devil Inside seems to try harder to make a good story instead of just a bunch of camera shots bouncing around to give you a headache and try to make a couple of scares.



Sarah has allowed a team from Roanoke University (a real place in Virginia) to document the decline of her mother who lives in Exuma, VA (a fake town - the film was actually made in North Carolina) who had been diagnosed with Stage One Alzheimer's. There's Mia and two men for her crew. Sarah has allowed this because the bills are piling up and the University has promised money to the family if they allow the cameras in their house.

The movie starts by saying that this film includes a partly edited medical documentary, outtakes, and surveillance footage from the scenes of the crime. Starts 10/12/13.

They meet with daughter and mother, who is resistant although she had agreed - we then get a summary of the disease and the posit that it destroys whole families and not just the person.



Our first inkling that something is up when one of the guys shooting 'B' roll footage catches Deborah playing with snakes. During the inevitable camera setup montage Deborah become agitated and slams doors - but he can't find where she went. At night one camera shows her in the kitchen - one second she's standing on the floor, the next second on a counter, no break in time signature.

She freaks out over a missing garden tool - after attacking the men and running around the house they find her upstairs, clawing at her own throat and drawing blood. Examination at the hospital shows that she is now in stage two and is degrading fast.

This is more than enough for one of the guys, who's Catholic. He hangs a cross on the window in his room, only to turn and see Deborah staring at him - and the window flies open, the cross disappearing. She talks to herself in the mirror and stares out the window at night in an empty, dark room, convinced someone is trying to get in. They mic Deborah and try to interview her and there's another freakout and another visit to the hospital. She now has a red, scaly infection all over her back. During a hospital test, she rips the skin off of her own arm.

But this movie tried a bit harder than the typical is-this-woman-suffering-from-illness-or-is-she-possessed kind of movie. There's a mystery involved too which her daughter and the documentary crew soon find out is pretty horrific.


When Deborah was a young mother, her husband died unexpectedly. To support her and her child, she ran a professional switchboard in her home to take messages for people for a fee. Don't laugh, we had one in my home town too... I SAID QUIT LAUGHING! Back to the present - one night she leaves her bed and they find her naked trying to work a number on the board - and it's ringing very loudly. They figure this must have something to do with her behavior. This comes up because she kept logs of every call for every client - but one is missing. 

Trying to calm her down, she instead growls and pants like a dog and is totally out of it. This time the doctor has to come to the house (who does that?). They figure out that what she's been repeating over and over is something about a 'fifth' in French. She doesn't speak French.



The number she keeps trying, 337 belongs to a pediatrician named Desjardins, who killed four young teenagers, ate part of the bodies, carved snakes in their foreheads, and had venom injected in their blood. He was never found.

Another documentary (on him this time) says he did this because he was performing a  Monacan blood ritual for a simple reason - he was dying. But he needed five victims and never got the fifth - so he's dead right? Nobody knows. When they ask Deborah about this, she mumbles that he was murdered - then proceeds to throw up dirt while they scramble for yet another ambulance.



Movie rendition - I  couldn't find a source...
Okay, a brief break from the action. There is a Monacan Tribe in Va. The Monacan tribe is one of several Native American tribes recognized by the Commonwealth of Virginia in the United States. The Monacan Tribe has not been recognized as an Indian tribe by the federal government. They are located primarily in Amherst County, Virginia near Lynchburg, Virginia.

I did a fair bit of digging and found no data on either blood or snake rituals pertaining to this tribe. This includes their official website as well as wiki and a couple of, uh, unsavory places. The only blood rituals I could find were: The blood rituals in Shi’ite Muslim festival of Ashura; The Aztecs blood offering to the Sun God; And the practice of some in India where the people donate blood as a way to remember politicians who have died. Now how about snakes?


In America some of the Native American tribes give reverence to the rattlesnake as grandfather and king of snakes who is able to give fair winds or cause tempest. Among the Hopi of Arizona the serpent figures largely in one of the dances. The rattlesnake was worshipped in the Natchez temple of the sun and the Aztec deity Quetzalcoatl was a feathered serpent-god. In many MesoAmerican cultures, the serpent was regarded as a portal between two worlds. That's... about it for Native Americans.

Back to our poor Deborah. To further piss off whatever they've pissed off, they put a camera in her hospital room and declare she has split personality disorder. Her neighbor Harris, who's been very clingy, has to be dragged out of her room.

That night while the crew argue about what to do, Harris shows up with a shotgun and starts shooting up their cars. When the cops show up, he either is or just acts drunk. That's enough for the Catholic boy - he bails.



Back at the hospital Deborah wanders out of bed, goes to the pediatric wing, grabs a girl and takes her to an abandoned part of the hospital. Okay, they're supposed to be in Exuma, pop. 0 because there IS no Exuma - except in the Bahamas, a street in NC (where this was actually filmed) and MO. Cripes. But they're still presenting it as a super small town and THEY have an abandoned hospital, at least in part? Geez.

They find her and the kid staring at a wall, take the kid and strap the Deborah down (which they should have done in the first place). Deborah is now in full 'possession' mode with screaming, drooling, etc.

Now we're at day 60? Really? They're still filming. Now Harris sneaks into her room and lets her loose. They obviously have had some sort of relationship. She asks him to kill her which horrifies him. He grabs a pillow, and puts it over her face. The whole room shakes, the camera fuzzes (of course) and the TV comes off the wall and smashes Harris in the head. Cute. But he's still alive and tells Sarah that Deborah killed Dejardins with the spade she kept freaking out over 'cause Sarah was supposed to be the fifth victim. He helped bury the SOB alive.


The 'expert' on rituals says that fire is cleansing so off they all go into the woods at night and start to dig but they only find that freaking spade. In horror they realize that Deborah dug the body up first and has hidden it in the house. This house has almost more attics than rooms, I swear. They see a man-shaped wet spot in the ceiling and go up into it.

They find a sack and look in it - yup, there's a body. When they go to burn it, the sack is suddenly filled with snakes. They try to burn it anyway... As it starts to burn the camera frizzes again and a blast shoves them across the room, putting out the fire.

Meanwhile Deborah breaks out of her restraints and leaves the hospital with the same girl (there for cancer) she took the first time, ripping out a security guard's neck with her teeth to get free. So now everybody's going to Monacan Mountain, where the dead guy (now Deborah) is supposedly going to complete the ritual to live forever. Two police officers drive them up as far as they can get.

They catch up to them as the child keeps chanting over and over "Don't hurt him. He's a nice man. He's going to wash me in the river." Deborah says nothing - until they try to cuff her. Then she spits venom on them all and the camera fuzzes again. One cop's face is burned and he has to be taken back down the mountain while the others go after the crazed woman and sick child. 

They find a building up there - it's now down to Sara, Mia, and the female cop. The cop is quickly killed. As the two woman search in the caves, we go to night vision for our final showdown. They follow the sound of the little girl's screams.



Eat your freaking heart out Freddy Kruger!
Oh, if you can't tell, this is Deborah
consuming the little girl whole...
And we get the following: Fight, light, scream, dark, blood, fight, look, gun, dark, scream, fuzz, light, crying, fight, and then THE COOLEST SICKEST SCENE I HAVE WITNESSED ALL YEAR!!! I don't care if this was a prosthetic or CGI, it was just sooo freaking sweet!



She could fit two Big Macs in that thing...
But the ending has to be drawn out a bit more so Sarah pleads with Deborah, then shoots her (That's kind of contradictory, isn't it?), and tries desperately to get the kid away from her. As the mother's head continues to do... IMPOSSIBLE things, Sarah manages to drug her enough to subdue her and all is well... the girl is saved, the mother not deemed to be fit for trial (two deaths, several wounding/poisonings, kidnapping) and is obviously not going to live much longer anyway.



It's okay, she's a ginger so she
didn't have a soul anyway... <rim shot>
Our movie ends at the happy birthday of the girl with cancer, who miraculously has made a complete recovery against all odds. When asked by a news reporter (because the whole world came to a halt and absolutely nothing else was happening that day) what she planned to do with her life she slyly says, "It's a secret." She then looks at the camera. Okay, so it's a flawed ending, 'cause there still wasn't a fifth (unless they're counting Deborah but she's not dead yet and she wasn't sacrificed like the other girls) but hey, they tried.



                        

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

WHY THE FREAKING HELL DID THEY EVEN BOTHER MAKING THIS MOVIE AND IN WHAT WORLD DID THEY THINK THIS COULD HAPPEN IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM... OH WAIT A MINUTE, THAT'S THE OTHER FOUND FOOTAGE MOVIE NAMED EVIDENCE THAT WAS MADE ABOUT THE SAME TIME... NO, NO IT'S NOT... YES IT IS YOU IDIOT, CAN'T YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE... NO IT IS NOT, THIS ONE HAS RADHA MITCHELL... OH, WELL OKAY THEN...




Evidence (2013)

That's right terrible movie fans - TWO found footage movies named 'Evidence' were made pretty damned close together and both sucked. THIS one had Radha Mitchell in it, a strong character actress that I usually like very much in everything she does. Unfortunately, in this movie, she does nothing but hold her boobs together to make sure she has cleavage showing. I'm not kidding. Look at the movie poster. That's pretty much her pose through much of this movie.


The 'found footage' aspect revolves around the ridiculous story of a massacre at some decrepit auto body shop in the middle of the desert in Nevada. At the beginning of the movies there's a really cool shot that has the whole scene frozen in 3D (no it's not really but it looked cool) as cops, SWAT, whatever, bagged burned up body parts and other detritus. 


...and one person must have their
hands to their face in horror at all
times... take turns, it's only fair...
It's Detective Burquez' (Really? We're going to call her that? Whatever...) job (played with one expression by Radha) to examine the footage from the victim's cameras that somehow was left behind and still watchable (DOESN'T THAT TELL YOU THE WHOLE STORY RIGHT THERE YOU IDIOTS? IT'S PRETTY BAD WHEN MY HORROR MOVIE WORKSHEET PATENT PENDING IS FILLED OUT BEFORE THE CREDITS FINISH UP) to determine what killed...


...that's right, play nice - it's your turn...
We have a dysfunctional couple (natch), the girl's BFF (natch again), a young kid going to Vegas to be a magician's apprentice (Wait, that's a thing?), a Russian ballet dancer (Say that again?), a paranoid woman clutching a bag (Uh huh), and the driver. That's it. Oh wait, no it's not - the driver has to pick up one more passenger in this out of way place clear out in the desert, uh, uh oh..... wait a second, I can't hold this in...

DDDDDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!


"Okay, this time it's aliens, I swear!"
I'm so sorry about that. Anywho, Radha has help - the "emotionally damaged detective" who's supposed to be on leave but insists on helping. Oh yeah, and the video "expert". I  have a serious question. No, really - it's deadly serious. Why? Why did they? Why did they have? Why did they have a video expert? Why did they have a video expert to manipulate the film so they could watch it when he clearly had to take all his direction from the EDD (emotionally damaged detective played by Stephen Moyer) because for some reason he's an expert but knows nothing about what he's doing? Sigh.


Well, at least we know she probably didn't do it...
So these three sit in a room watching this damaged footage and Radha's job seems to be to jump to a conclusion at regular intervals during the movie and run out and give a press conference. No, really - that's about it.


Wow, his gum's still wet!
I'm doing this review in an angry mood and that's not good, but I dare you to try to watch this movie in a good mood. It can't be done. It's so contrived, obvious AND impossible you wonder why they wasted the film. AND you wonder if you should have watched the OTHER 'Evidence' movie instead. No. No you shouldn't have. You should have taken your kids out for ice cream and screw the movies.


This is known as a 'Psycho Selfie'...
Okay let's recap briefly. A girl dreams of the ultimate film role. Together with the boyfriend she has just publicly humiliated by refusing his marriage proposal, her BFF, a young Asian kid, a Russian ballet dancer, and the unknown psycho woman and oblivious bus driver, all are on their way to Vegas - after they pick up one more passenger. But they've been on this dirt road for two hours now... uh oh, here it comes again...

DDDDDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I am SO sorry about that. The young man offers to show his skills to the rest and does a move I recognized instantly. Now I don't watch talent shows. I missed the rise of Pentatonix as a terrific a capella group, and a certain young man (who turned out to be almost 40) who won a contest for this performance, which I'm including because it is the only entertaining thing about this review and I'm so, so sorry about that:




See the neck drop? That's what the kid did in the movie. Now this fellow, Kenichi Ebina does teach classes so I'm not accusing the kid of copying anybody - it was one of the few interesting parts of the movie (even if it lasted only three seconds).

Okay, everybody's at the abandoned whatever and there's a psycho in a welder's helmet, apron, and the looooongest acetylene torch hose I've seen in my life. This psycho took that torch EVERYWHERE. Most of the rest of the movie is watching this very bad hand held horror movie unfold (with constant interruptions of the bad film plus the EDD barking orders at the 'expert').

Suddenly they find that some of the footage that only they are supposed to have has been leaked onto YouTube. Uh huh. Now their game changes - it's a race against time before.... <YAWWWN> the rest of the footage appears to the public when they don't know who did the crime...

If I told you who that was, you'd shrug and say, "So?" And I wouldn't blame you. And I very much doubt YouTube would allow a snuff film on their site. Animal abuse, sure. Underage girls being abused, maybe. Shokushu Goukan (looking this up is not advised) possibly, at least for a short period of time. But snuff films? Especially for a crime currently being investigated by police? Pfffft.



Sunday, April 6, 2014

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY DUH REGARDLESS OF RACE, COLOR OR NATIONALITY


Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014)

A major bed malfunction (see next entry) means I haven't had time to get my stuff together enough to get it up here despite having great dictating software now. I don't mind editing it for misspellings and punctuation either - it kind of soothes the Grammar Nazi in me.

I have a duel for worst movie seen this year so far between two very duh movies coming up that I will be reviewing with Miss Mayhem (her knees are shaking but she wants to try, so be nice), but I was being lazy yesterday (4/5) afternoon, so I picked this one out of all the bad movies I have a list of because I figured I could just watch it and not even bother to review it.

When this movie came out, the previews stated that this was a Paranormal Activity movie for Hispanics. I thought that was a pretty racist statement. Nevertheless, I decided to give it a look. You know what? We got ripped off. No, seriously, we all get the short end of the stick on this one. I've sat through PA 1 through 1,000 and they were so incredibly boring with their endless camera pan views through rooms of houses, just to have a brief flurry of activity within the last 10 minutes.

This particular movie not only had a story, it had action, interesting ideas, and a lot better special effects. What the hell? Did these people just make a halfway decent movie, get frustrated because they couldn't find a market for it, and so lumped in with all the other Paranormal Activity movies just to get an audience?

To add insult to injury, they do not consider this movie to be part of the Paranormal Activity series. They call this film a spin-off of the Paranormal Activity movies. What a crock! This used some of the same elements as the other PA movies, such as the basic premise of a coven gathering children, particularly firstborn sons, even though none of the movies have really explained what the hell they are collecting them for, and what the hell they're doing with them.

So. We start with a high school graduation in 2012. We see the class valedictorian Oscar give a speech, and we see a boy named Jesse being congratulated by his family on his graduation day. As it is a prerequisite for any of these handheld camera movies, Jesse is given a video camera for his graduation present.

Jesse, as is a tradition with many cultures, lives in a multi-generation household. His mother died giving birth to him, so he lives in an apartment with his father and his grandmother. Directly below him lives a strange woman named Anna. The whole neighborhood makes fun of her because she is so strange, having visitors at all hours, and keeping her windows covered in newspapers. Through the vent system. Jesse can hear moans, screams, and other things going on which he assumes to be something of a sexual nature.



One day he notices valedictorian Oscar visit Anna. Shortly after, Anna is found murdered and the police have no idea who did it. Pretty much the whole neighborhood saw Oscar leave her apartment and so know that he is most likely the culprit, yet not one of them is willing to speak to the police. Curious because I guess he has nothing better to do, Jesse breaks into Anna's apartment to take a look around. 




Together with his friend Hector, they look around her apartment and discover very strange items. Among those items are things obviously used in black magic rituals, as well as pictures of Jessie himself, one current, one as a child, and even a picture of his mother when she was pregnant with him. Understandably, this freaks them out. But they still keep looking. They open up a closet and find a ton of videotapes. Now if you have watched any of the PA movies, you're probably groaning about now because you know exactly what's going to happen.

In previous movies, in case you haven't wasted your time watching these, you know that on these tapes are pieces of the previous movies because this is just one big puzzle, or at least the filmmakers want you to think so. But fortunately, that is let alone. They find a journal. It seems to be filled with weird and mystical things, so they steal it because the duh stuff cannot happen until they start messing around with the supernatural.



Jesse has a girlfriend who helps him and Hector understand some of what is in the spell book. And of course, then they decide to mess around with it. His girlfriend spray paints the mirror black for some reason – she claims it's because it creates a portal from one world to the next – and the three of them sit around this mirror, chant some weird shit, but nothing happens.



If I went through this movie blow-by-blow would be way too long. So let me try to sum things up as they happen. Jesse finds a bite on his arm for no good reason. He finds Oscar hiding in Anna's apartment - there's a convenient trap door that Oscar pops up and comes out. By now his eyes are two black marks (very easy CGI work, not very impressive), and he grabs Jesse telling him that both are marked and Jesse must kill himself before he hurts someone. Oscar runs off, Jesse chases him, Oscar disappears. As Jesse tries to get help, Oscar apparently has jumped off of the roof of a church onto a car and is now dead.

Jesse suddenly gets weird. Actually, since he's a teenage boy, that's kind of hard to tell. Throughout the movie, unfortunately, there are some things that are very stereotypical and not very enlightened. One of those things is, that in Spanish neighborhoods, it is very dangerous to walk about in because of all the street gangs. I don't think they're any more dangerous than any other neighborhood. Jesse meets up with one of those gangs while with Hector. They want his backpack for whatever reason. Why they don't go after the camera – well, how else are they gonna shoot the rest of the movie?

When two of the tough guys attack Jesse, pummeling him while he's on the ground, all of a sudden one flies into a vending machine that sitting out in the middle of nowhere for some reason, and the other practically goes a block as he flies through the air. Hector asks Jesse what he did and Jesse says he barely touched them. This is the beginning of the 'gee isn't possession fun' part where they show that messing with the supernatural is harmless, and can be beneficial. I'm being sarcastic of course.



At least they didn't have one of those stupid Ouija board scenes where they play with it and then tell each other to stop playing with it after they told each other they have to play with it. No, for this one we get a Simon Says game. When they ask it questions, it will flash green for yes, and red for no. I am not kidding. Jesse continues to show supernatural abilities such as being able to do the 'Smooth Criminal' move better than Michael Jackson and his wires, and blowing up air mattresses with one breath.



As I said, this movie is dissed by it's being referred to as a spin-off rather than as part of the series. Especially since they incorporate this movie into the others. In one scene, Jesse suddenly runs into the black-eyed versions of Katie and Kristi, who of course were abducted in a previous PA movie. Suddenly Jesse sees something extremely scary, but before he can get away it attacks him, knocks him down, and completely possesses them.

At this point, Jesse is becoming violent and mean, because of course I guess one goes with the other, and Oscar tries to find help by contacting a woman named Ali. For some reason, she's the big time expert on demons. And this is getting a lot longer than I planned. So skip ahead, skip ahead - despite Oscar trying to help Jesse, Jesse is kidnapped anyway, by this supposed coven that's been the theme running through all of the PA movies. 

Here they called them 'The Midwives'. Why? I have no freaking idea. The two end up at the house seen in the last PA movie when the grandmother of two girls (already seen earlier) and a boy held her supposed coven meetings. The house is now empty, but just in case, Hector gets help from two more friends. Although they bring a 9mm gun plus a semi-automatic shotgun, they are no match for the women who suddenly come at them in droves.



Despite killing several of them, the coven gets the better of them, and it comes down to Hector all by himself. Jesse, now fully possessed, comes after his former best friend. Hector finds himself in a closet and sees markings of the covens triangular symbol that we have seen through all of these PA movies. Jesse manages to smash his way with his fist into the door and Hector runs. Running away through a doorway, Hector now finds himself in a completely different house. 

This is the house of the two little girls that he is already seen, whose parents have apparently also been taken by demons. Although when we saw the movie they were appeared to have been murdered. I'm getting a bit fuzzy on that. Nevertheless, for whatever reason, as the father tries to attack Hector, the mother kills the father and Hector gets away for some unknown reason. And Jesse is still chasing him. 

The ending is a big letdown. Now we knew from the beginning that Hector was not going to survive so this is not a surprise. However, the ending occurs off camera, which is a bit of a cheat because now we only see this freaking handheld camera shaking everywhere, lots of static interference, Hector screaming, Jesse roaring, and then finally the camera just falls to the ground and everything is quiet. Our last scene is one of the little girls leaning over the camera and pushing the stop button.

Now the reason I decided to do a review of this movie, despite hating the PA series with a passion, was because it had a whole lot more action, and a lot better special effects than all of the PA movies put together. That's what I mean when I said that we got the short end of the stick. 

One particular scene that I was very impressed with, although it did have technical problems, was when Hector, Jesse's grandmother, and his girlfriend tried to exorcise Jesse, but failed. The apartment shakes as if there is an earthquake, the lights go out, and by the time Hector can find the infamous night vision button, we're in total darkness. Hector flashes the camera back and forth, which isn't very exciting, but when he flashes back to the living room, still in night mode, we see the corner of the living room start to suck in on itself, à la Poltergeist. That was pretty cool. 

That particular effect was made even better when all of a sudden the lights come back on, and there is Jesse floating in the air shooting towards them, and destroying the living room by throwing everything around him and then disappearing.

My only problem with this particular effect, although it was the best effect of the movie, was that the lights came back on, but the camera was still able to catch Jesse and the destruction of the living room. The camera was in night vision mode. When the lights came back on, there should have been no picture on that camera at all, just white. But that was a small thing. I say again that this was the best PA movie made thus far, and that I really feel that this should be considered as part of the series and not just dismissed as a spin-off.



Saturday, January 4, 2014

A MOVIE THAT COULD HAVE BEEN GREAT BUT GETS MUCKED UP - BUT - ALSO SHOWING THAT THERE IS HOPE FOR THE MOVIE VIEWERS TO ACTUALLY GET A DECENT, WELL MADE MOVIE - SO THERE!



The Dyatlov Pass Incident aka Devil's Pass (2013) UK/Russia

Listen up faithful readers and movie makers - you both could learn something from this film. The readers learn about a real event that was actually a REAL EVENT in 1959 and movie makers learn that found footage films don't have to be about paranormal idiots running through dark forests with their night vision on. Oh and don't pay attention to the first movie poster - it has nothing to do with anything. Actual photos from the search team are included at the end of this review - they are graphic so be warned.

This was a very ambitious film because it wanted to be creative, mysterious, thoughtful, as well as entertaining. If I have a complaint (and you KNOW I always do) it would be that they took an idea and ran with it but toward the end tried to smash in a bunch of other theories and stuff and mucked it up - but the ending was really cool.

Now if you want to watch this - go do it first 'cause this is full of spoilers. It is streaming on Netflix right now though I'm sure you can find it in other places. It is based on an event that still remains unsolved to this day - the Dyatlov Pass Incident of 1959. Leave it to any government to call nine hikers mysteriously found dead an 'incident'. Dyatlov was the name of the leader of the nine, and the history is something like this (and I'm relying heavily on wiki for this, although I have heard this story before):



A group was formed for a ski trek. The group, led by Igor Dyatlov, consisted of eight men and two women. Most were students or graduates of Ural Polytechnical Institute. They were young, they were experienced, but the way they died is still considered just about impossible. They set out to reach Otorten mountain. One day into the hike, one of the members, a man named Yuri Yudin, became ill and had to return. The remaining nine were never seen alive again.



Now this happens to the best of hikers but the surroundings of the camp and the way they died continues to be hotly debated. Although diaries and cameras were found at the site, it still didn't quite explain what happened. On February 26, the searchers found the abandoned and badly damaged tent half torn down and covered with snow. It was empty, and all the group's belongings and shoes had been left behind. A chain of eight or nine sets of footprints, left by several people who were wearing only socks, a single shoe or were barefoot, could be followed. 


Under a large cedar, the searchers found the remains of a fire, along with the first two bodies, shoeless and dressed only in their underwear. Between the cedar and the camp the searchers found three more corpses, who seemed to have died in poses suggesting that they were attempting to return to the tent. Searching for the remaining four travelers took more than two months. They were finally found on May 4 under four meters of snow in a ravine 75 meters farther into the woods from the cedar tree. These four were better dressed than the others, and there were signs that those who had died first had apparently relinquished their clothes to the others.

A legal inquest started immediately after finding the first five bodies. A medical examination found no injuries which might have led to their deaths, and it was concluded that they had all died of hypothermia. One had a small crack in his skull, but it was not thought to be a fatal wound. An examination of the four bodies which were found in May changed the picture. Three of them had fatal injuries: one major skull damage, and two had major chest fractures. 

The force required to cause such damage would have been extremely high, yet the bodies had no external wounds, as if they were crippled by a high level of pressure. One was missing her tongue and eyes. The dead were only partially dressed. Some of them had only one shoe, while others had no shoes or wore only socks. Some were found wrapped in snips of ripped clothes that seemed to have been cut from those who were already dead.

Journalists reporting on the available parts of the inquest files claim that it states:

  • Six of the group members died of hypothermia and three of fatal injuries.
  • There were no indications of other people nearby apart from the nine travelers on Kholat Syakhl, nor anyone in the surrounding areas.
  • The tent had been ripped open from within.
  • The victims had died 6 to 8 hours after their last meal.
  • Traces from the camp showed that all group members left the camp of their own accord, on foot.
  • To dispel the theory of an attack by the indigenous Mansi people, Dr. Boris Vozrozhdenny stated that the fatal injuries of the three bodies could not have been caused by another human being, "because the force of the blows had been too strong and no soft tissue had been damaged".
  • Forensic radiation tests had shown high doses of radioactive contamination on the clothes of a few victims.
  • Released documents contained no information about the condition of the skiers' internal organs.
The final verdict was that the group members all died because of a "compelling natural force". The inquest ceased officially in May 1959 as a result of the "absence of a guilty party". The files were sent to a secret archive, and the photocopies of the case became available only in the 1990s, with some parts missing.

The sole survivor, Yuri Yudin, after the Dyatlov Pass Incident rose to become an administrator in the Solikamsk Perm region of Russia. He always felt that the Soviet military had probably been responsible in some way. In an interview in 2012 he recalled that he had been asked to identify the owner of everything found at the scene, but had failed to find a match for a piece of cloth that seemed to be of military origin, or for a pair of glasses, a pair of skis and a piece of a ski, leading him to suspect that the military had found the tent before the volunteer rescuers. 

Yudin recalled that the authorities had seemed more interested in why the hikers were in the area in the first place than in how they died. “If they were really killed by a natural force, then there would be no secret, and we would not be talking about this 53 years on,” he observed. But there is still no proof of what really happened. “If I had a chance to ask God just one question, it would be, 'What really happened to my friends that night?’” Yudin said. He died April 27, 2013.

That is the truth as far as can be gleaned from documents and interviews. The movie, while adding a few 'facts' to make the story better, kept most of it as it was. I was instantly interested when I started watching because the five college students were supposed to be from the University of Oregon - although when the leader of the group, Holly, said 'Oregon' I knew instantly she not only wasn't from here, she'd never been here either. Oh well. It IS a UK/Russia film...

Oh and as for 'found footage'? It's supposed to be some hacker finding it and uploading it on the internet, yet there is footage from all the cameras (including one that was destroyed) and it was impossible. If they had made it a movie INCLUDING some found footage that would have made more sense.


And it takes liberties with the story like it isn't insane enough. The movie is called Devil's Pass yet that name is never mentioned. The students said it was called 'The Mountain Of The Dead' but that wasn't true although the Mansi tribes indigenous to the place DID call it 'Dead Mountain' because there was no game there. And there was no indication that the lone survivor went insane and spent time in an asylum. They also interview a woman who was part of the original search team who claims there were eleven bodies plus a 'machine', not nine. Uh huh.

So up they go and things are boring for a while like all found footage movies that start way too early in the story. They finally start their trek. All goes as planned until one morning they find footprints - huge, bare footprints that come out of nowhere and go nowhere. Okay, now I understand why some complained of Blair Witch references - that was dumb. There are a few more duh moments I won't go into, this is getting pretty long but despite the inconsistencies, the little touches they added to make it more 'spooky' and the cramming of different ideas they did toward the end it was still pretty good. 

One sharp viewer caught an important part of the plot though - Helen Hunter remarked that the two who made the footprints can be seen popping up from behind the ridge when one of the hikers tells his friend about a bad acid trip he had in high school. His friend responds with a story of her own but if you look up left from where she's sitting, you'll see the two white figures behind the ridge. Thank you Miss Hunter! Good eye!


One girl dies in an avalanche, which was deliberately set as they heard the explosions. They shoot a flare for help and two men show up - way too fast. While trying to get away from the strangers, one climber is shot dead. The remaining three go to a steel door that two of them had conveniently found that locks from the outside but now is only frozen shut. Once they're in (one gets shot in the process) the two with guns locks them in. They find there is electricity and long tunnels. They also find ruined labs and offices with evidence that this was a military installation and...


Whew. How many conspiracy theories CAN you cram into a movie. Don't get me wrong, it was interesting, weird, sci-fi horror that is rarely made these days but you practically need a scorecard to keep everything straight. My horror movie worksheet (patent pending) was worthless for this movie. We've got the Philadelphia Experiment crammed in here too just for good measure and if you don't pay close attention it is very easy to get lost.


They find a recently killed soldier, some skeletons of people who had been executed (except their bones 'don't look right'), a video camera on one desk that is, inexplicably, the same camera they are still holding (I mean it's the SAME camera), and then out of nowhere two creatures, male and female, appear out of nowhere and attack them. They don't kill them for some reason though. There's a reason for that. They are herded into a small room where they find a long tunnel that, when they throw a rock into it, it disappears. 

They conclude this must be where the Russians had their teleportation experiments (like the Philadelphia Experiment). Stuck with nowhere to go, convinced that if they think hard enough about home, that's where they'll go (yeah and make sure you click your heels three times) they get their courage up and jump into the... whatever it is.


I figured out what comes next by now but since the movie's almost over that's no triumph for me. Their bodies are found face down in the snow by soldiers. Two searchers show up but the soldiers warn them off with guns (sound familiar?). The soldiers take the bodies into the bunker, now full of military men and in working order. One officer looks over the video camera the dead man had and sets it on his desk. They peel their clothes off and hang the bodies on hooks. We get a close up of the two - yup, it's our two last survivors, who had chased their later selves into that room. How do we know? Earlier they had revealed Holly had a tattoo behind her ear - as does the female 'mutant'. 

If they had split this movie in half, or at least made two movies so that they could fill in gaps and plot boo-boos it might have been a super cool movie, instead of just a good movie with some imagination and some good special effects.

The following are actual photos released - the first three are of the climbers themselves - those that follow were taken by the search team upon finding the remains of the climbers. These photos are graphic - please take note.