WELL, AT LEAST THIS MOVIE DOESN'T HAVE HITLER'S HEAD IN A JAR... OH DAMMIT!!!

Nazis At The Center Of The Earth aka SS Troopers (2012) Straight To DVD

The Asylum Presents. Never in movie history can just three words cause such dread and disgust. What's almost worse (almost) is that the director of this film knew it, spoke freely about how awful it was, and basically shrugged, collected his paycheck, and went home. Nice. For this movie they admit they had a script on the run, so to speak, two weeks to shoot, and less than $200,000 to do it with. We are not going to be looking at a cinematic marvel here.

So, having had TWO movies with heads in jars just this year, ONE of them Hitler I thought (because sometimes the brain synapses DO connect) "Meh, there's no way they could stoop so low as to have THAT happen again." But, apparently, my brain did all that work for nothing, and stoop they did.

Shoots the same guy twice, nobody cares...

A group of researchers are studying the decline of the glaciers and it's ALL YOUR FAU... umm wait, that was another movie, sorry. We begin in 1945 Germany because apparently that's the only year in history that anyone has any interest in Germany (sorry). A handful of overweight actors in ill fitting uniforms stumble out of the back of a truck. Nobody worries about trivial details like accents or proper German or anything like that. I mean, one of them says a sentence to the guy who's supposed to be playing Joseph Mengele and he replies with gibberish that a two-year-old German baby would laugh at.

When a pressure cooker is carried out of the back of the truck, I had a strange tingle go down the back of my neck but I ignored it and carried on as the movie shows (very briefly, time is money and money they ain't got) that they're transporting their canned goods... somewhere. Sigh.

Mengele, being the super shit-kicking doctor he is, grabs a freaking rocket launcher and blows a tank to kingdom come - but isn't through with that, as we see him shooting generic soldiers who are running in the dark THROUGH THE EXPLODED TANK. He's a crack shot and gets all he aims at (One of them twice!) as we hear the famous Foley screams... but fun is fun and done is done and he finally gets on the motherführer plane... wait, he's STILL shooting the same soldiers from the moving plane! 

Those little plastic models are
fireproof, waterproof, bullshit proof...

This guy is a real badass! He even dispatches a very VERY fast foot soldier who's grabbed onto the moving plane. Wow. For a heart-stopping final kickass moment the plane is shot by another of those sneaky silent-in-the-dark tanks... and flies right through the explosion! Oh the humanity!

We fast forward to a supposed outpost called Niflheim Station at Antarctica (otherwise known as Asylum studios in California). They're taking core samples - it's all very technical so the movie doesn't have to explain it to you. And they don't have to explain why they're freezing but can't see their breath when they talk. Just shut up about it, will you? Huh? Oh sorry, must be the massive DUH reverberating in my ears. I think I've suffered permanent damage from this movie.

She didn't feel that when she stepped on it???

Taking core samples is really metal. Wait, I said that wrong. While taking a core sample, TWO INCHES DOWN they hit metal. In very VERY fake snow that is so loose, the 'scientist' just brushes it away with her hand to expose a green metal plate with a swastika on it. Funny, I'm starting to feel very, very drunk, yet I haven't had even a sip. This is NOT a movie to do a drinking game with either. You'd die in the first 15 minutes. Must be that massive DUH in my ears, it's making me dizzy.

They only have two seconds to look at this hiding green plate, however, before three Nazis in ghost whisperer gear... no, I'm sorry, I'm thinking of the chick in the Insidious movies. Three Nazis in gas masks show up and take the two idiots for whatever reason. I dunno.

But the biggest pfffft of the whole movie is expecting us to believe that Jake Busey is a scientist. Nah, just kidding - a little. THE BIGGEST is that there is a whole Naziland under the ground at Antartica, with it's own air, heating, theme park... wait, scratch that last one. The city gleams as apparently pollution has been eliminated in the Nazi world. And Jake Busey is not only a scientist, HE'S A NAZI SCIENTIST. Somehow that makes more sense.

So they work at, uh, what was that station's name - oh, the Niflheim (Mist World being one of the English translations). I guess they were attempting to be cute by naming it after the Norse Mythology of the land of the ice and snow from the midnight sun where the hot springs flow, the hammer of the gods will drive our ships to new lands, to fight the horde, singing and crying: Valhalla, I am coming!

On we sweep with threshing oar, Our only goal will be the western shore... Umm, wait. Woof, I am going nuts from this movie... <Sorry Led Zeppelin>

Anywho, they leave there to find their mates and slide down this previously not-seen-for-plot-reasons hole at the instruction of their soon-to-be-saluting-everyone idiot scientist (Jake Busey). They find a brilliant... computer image. Nice work for the time spent I guess. The ones already captured have discovered that while Mengele somehow has not aged a single day and looks exactly the same, his men need fresh skin over their junk (no, not THAT junk - I hope) to keep sort of human looking. This is the absolute WORST makeup ever devised. These guys look like they've been interrupted from a day at the spa in the middle of a cucumber facial.

Jake Busey, not to be out-DUH'D by this movie, pretends he's seeing the city for the first time and proclaims that this must be Agharta, the subterranean world. Huh? Agharta is a place that all Buddhists believe in. They also believe that this Subterranean World has millions of inhabitants and many cities, all under the supreme domination of the subterranean world capital, Shamballah. And Busey would know that there's no way this was even close. Sigh.

They (the idiots in this movie) wander around the city apparently undetected. They approach an airplane hanger (recycled from the beginning of the movie) and one of the victims-to-be mutters, "Why does this look familiar?" Since they never explain that, just chalk it up to the movie messing with you 'cause they know it's the same building used over and over.

Steampunk Mengele

So. They're captured and Busey explains that for ten years he's been working for the Nazis in Les Schwab land. Oh, I'm sorry, that's Neuschwabenland, or New Swabia, an area of Antarctica. Mengele says (to cover the fact that in 'real life' his bones were discovered in the '70's) that most of his bones were replaced (pffft) and so since he had arthritis he don't got it no more, he can peel the skin off his skull when he wants to (which is a great trick for the ladies), and he don't age no more. That's... the stupidest thing I've heard all year.

We're very limber...

Favorite line in the movie? Oh, there's so many... but I liked when Mengele talks to one of the victims, proclaiming him a Jew to which the guy answers, "No, I'm not religious." Pfffft... like that erases your heritage or something. That would be like pointing at me and saying "You're Cherokee." and me responding, "No, I don't dance around the fire in full ceremonial dress." 

Mengele says that the best of 20th century engineering came from Germany. Hmm, let's see... there's the Volkswagon, Mercedes-Benz, BMW, Audi, Porche, TV Remotes (better versions, not original ones), the first home video game console (THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!), cruise ships (hopefully not the ones with the backed up toilets), the Enigma machine (you wanna know what it is, look it up yourself), atomic bomb, assault rifles (The Sturmgewehr 44), the clarinet (I had one once, loved that thing until someone stole it), 

DEEEEEP BREATH

I had a metal one - only the
mouthpiece could be removed...

the bicycle, the typewriter, the computer mouse, vinyl records, movable type (such as the one which made the Gutenberg Bible), Henry J. Heinz tomato ketchup and fifty six other things, the fax machine, aspirin, the submarine, morphine, the elevator, adhesive tape, blue jeans, Ferdinand Graf von Zeppelin, inventor of the airship named after him in the land of the ice and snow from the midnight sun where the hot springs flow... whoops, sorry about that. I was drifting off...

Have the ability to create an underground city,
but not a doorway tall enough for men to walk
through without stooping over - and oh yeah, I do
believe your flag is.. just wrong Herr Mengele...

So what is all this torturous nonsense about? Oh yeah, I was trying to forget but...

Musha ring dum a doo dum a da
Whack for my daddy-o
Whack for my daddy-o
There's Hitler in the jar-o

Sigh again. Yup, we've got another abomination but this time they ripped off Robot Chicken:

Pretty close...

Am I stalling 'cause I don't want to do the rest of this movie? You bet your sweet ass!

Ahem. Let's take a quick look at what Mengele's reading material while he's been down the hole, shall we? Hmm... from left to right (according to Google translate) 1. Gross Ass, Young Lady; 2. I love to do drugs; 3. Thirteen; 4. Eat Babies. Oooh Mengele we know your dirty little secrets now. I think. Sort of. You can thank the movie's German translator Johannes Gotz for those funnies. Or not. So. Hitler in the jar-o now looks like the Humping Robot in Robot Chicken. Sorry, just would much rather be watching cartoons right now.

Dammit, wrong head!

The Hitler robot jumps into his new ship, which is (they want you to believe) about half the size of the Death Star. On the computer screen anyway. Dr. Mengele for some reason starts to rot like a banana in record time and wants a new skin. Wait, if his skin changes why does he still look like himself? Wait, why am I looking for logic?

So we have two main characters that I haven't bothered to name who love each other so they manage to kill Mengele (again) and get away where they attempt to rescue another character I never named from being cut up by Busey while a healing zombie picks at and eats his scabs. You heard me. The two lovers rescue a third friend (Busey took off with his girlfriend) and rips the scab-eaters face off. It wasn't much grosser than watching zombie pimples and scab snacks.

Okay, that's... better?

And since the Nazis are Stormtroopers <rim shot>, they shoot and shoot and shoot and not a single shot comes anywhere near our heroes... whoever they are. Meanwhile Hitler tells his, uh, navigator? to set a course for North America. Hey, why does the navigator look like Data from Star Trek? Never mind. The good guys shoot, the bad guys shoot and miss, and I'm yawning so hard I think I dislocated my jaw. 

The good guys are on the stairs and shove a cart with oxygen tanks on them and since Stormtroopers apparently don't know what 'inflammable' means, they shoot them and blow up. Wow. That's what Luke Skywalker needed - would have saved a lot of time.

Why is this guy pulling the Nazi's borrowed skin off?
He wanted to SAVE FACE! BWAHAHAHAHAAAA...

But Hitler doesn't just want to bomb the world - he wants to bomb it with Ebola (that's... almost eerie). After an interminable amount of time of these guys going around the same corridor over and over again, two are left and find a glider of some sort to get out of the ship with - just as Busey and his girlfriend set off a bomb in one of those last minute gee-I-guess-I'm-human-after-all turnarounds that never happen.

Oh rats, he worked on that computer
image for two whole hours!

The two in the glider land on the ice as the ship crashes because of an itty bitty hole in it (not that sturdy I guess). But Hitler in a jar-o is still coming after them. The girl shouts (like he could hear her inside that robot), "C'mon you bobble-headed zombie Nazi son of a bitch!" Now how many times in your life do you get to say something like that?

Now all we need is a washing
machine... <sorry Robot Chicken>

With a 'we really need to find a way to end this horrid movie' move, they manage to infect Hitler with Ebola. 'Kay. Is our movie over now? Hitler's laser (don't ask) shoots around him, cutting a hole in the ice and plunging him into the depths of the computer... uh, I mean ocean. The two survivors kiss, he gives her a ring (because nothing says 'let's get married' like the slaughter of all your friends), and we have our ending. Not.

We get our credits (Even for the honey wagons! Wow, show-business really IS glamorous!) - oh wait one freaking moment 'cause I just discovered where they spent all their money! They didn't just get honey wagons y'all, they got the Mercedes Benz of honey wagons! Check this ad out: Hollywood Honeywagons - This 10 room honeywagon is not only the biggest in Los Angeles, it's the most well designed in the whole film industry! Each crew restroom has 2 stalls and sink AND each and every room becomes a double. Every other bed turns into a work desk! (5 double rooms!) This trailer houses it's own generator and can work independently! The truck is a four room honeywagon all by itself! You really do have to see it to believe it!

Yeeeaaaaahhhh, I think I'm going to pass on that one.

Anyway, at the end we see Hitler's robot hand deep in the ocean... and it wiggles. Tell you what - if there is a sequel to this movie I will PERSONALLY go to Antarctica (known as Asylum Studios) and burn down the studio for you because I care about my readers THAT MUCH.

Oh, and I think Asylum owes Seth Green and Matthew Senreich an apology. NOW.



                        

WHAT IF A ZOMBIE OUTBREAK COMES AND GOES AND THE AFTERMATH IS THAT SOME PEOPLE NOW HAVE A CONDITION THAT TAKES EXPENSIVE DRUGS TO CONTAIN - BUT THERE SOON IS A SHORTAGE AND THE GOVERNMENT CONTROLS WHO GETS THE TREATMENTS? WHO ARE THE MONSTERS THEN?

The Returned (2013) Spain/Canada

This movie is more of a thinking kind of movie so if you're looking for zombie apocalypses, blood and brains and intestines, and vicious attacks followed by vicious retaliation and lots of chopped off or shot off heads, it's not here. This movie is kind of like an older description of The Walking Dead: 'A bunch of people argue and once in a while a zombie shows up.'

If you want to see this, it's not bad - it's just not that great. The implications are interesting and probably a little too close of a true indication of what would happen if a 'zombie' virus hit the world. In other words, since there's lots of spoilers, if you want to see it first it is currently streaming on Netflix.


Now the movie doesn't show it, but supposedly there's a world-wide infection in the 80's that kills millions. Those working on a cure instead have a medication that must be administered daily to, uh, keep the monster at bay. Some say 'How can you live with having to inject yourself every day?' Pffft. Ask a diabetic. They've been doing it for decades. Man up and listen up.


Those that get the infection but are human because of the treatments are branded The Returned. It is now another excuse for discrimination - those who are among The Returned keep it secret to keep their jobs, their families, their friends.

Since this is just a speculation about what would happen in a world where the 'zombie' disease could be controlled, I'll keep this short, as there really isn't much to it anyway and nothing is surprising or much of a revelation.


Kate (Emily Hampshire) is a doctor who lost her family when she was younger in the initial days of the virus. Her husband Alex (Kris Holden-Ried), a guitar teacher, is one of The Returned - only being so because of attempting to help a man he thought was having a seizure who infected him. In order to keep it all quiet, she gets his dosages on the black market.

As the world turns, the disease stabilizes. That means the number of The Returned has increased considerably. The government (Canadian? Spanish?) says the dosages are in short supply and so they will be controlling them. When a synthetic version seems to have failed, the government starts rounding up The Returned in camps. People without the disease just want them all dead. Their fear and hatred are a constant reminder that anyone different from the norm is going to be discriminated against. That was not a big reveal.

Kate and Alex's "friends" Jacob and Amber invite them to stay with them until things quiet down. What they don't know, and again this is not a big reveal, is Amber is also one of The Returned and their ultimate goal is to get all of the dosages Kate bought on the black market. Kate finds her 'source' murdered and things go downhill fast. Jacob and Amber disappear, leaving only one dose and a 'Whoopsy, sorry we stole your stuff' note.

A fellow doctor gives Kate the last dosages the hospital has - he tries to assure her the synthetic will soon be effective and available. As she's leaving the hospital, she's attacked by the father of a Returned boy she saved at the beginning of the movie. Again, not surprising. All the doses are broken in the process.

She goes home to Alex to find he has rigged himself up in his studio for when he regresses into a zombie. He's securely chained to the wall. But he doesn't want to wait - and she can't stand to see him suffer as he begins to have trouble breathing, starts coughing up blood, etc. She ends up shooting him in the head after a tearful goodbye.

And this is no big reveal, in fact I was expecting it from the beginning. She sees the kind doctor who had given her the medication with GREAT news - the synthetic version now works! She realizes she has killed her husband for nothing. That's a familiar gimmick and so also was no surprise.

Our final scene is Kate in a new house, very pregnant, looking over a whole wall covered with information and the pictures of Jacob and Amber as they start a book tour. She's planning to hunt them down and when she does, they're dead meat. Even if she or her half-zombie baby doesn't eat them.

It's interesting, but not surprising, as the whole movie is themed on human nature and human nature is very predictable, whether from small snow storms (one inch of snow falls and suddenly there's no toilet paper, bread or beer in an entire town), to food shortages, power outages, etc.

We're already animals - it's not that big of a step.





                        

A CAUTIONARY TALE AND YET A POWERFUL AND MOVING MOVIE ABOUT RAPE, DISEASE, AND A ZOMBIE...

Contracted (2013)

I wasn't going to do another movie this weekend, but happened to come across this one, and the premise was interesting, so I decided to give it a try. This self-described horror/thriller film is about a young woman who is raped and contracts what she thinks is an STD, but is actually something much worse.

Because I think it's worth a look and I hate to completely describe a movie that someone might want to watch, I just want to warn you that there will be spoilers, so if this interests you at all, go watch it first and then come back.

Our main character is Samantha (Najarra Townsend) who does actually a terrific job in this film, considering that she practically has to carry it herself. There are supplemental characters, of course, but the main focus is on her and what happens to her after a night at a friend's party.

Our first scene is a disturbing one, but thankfully they don't show too much detail. A man is engaging in an act of necrophilia and is obviously an employee in a morgue. He also apparently is what is called an asymptomatic carrier (like Typhoid Mary), since what he spreads does not seem to affect him. Since we do not see any other females in this movie that suffer as Samantha does, apparently either they have died quickly, or she just happens to be the unlucky one who is susceptible to this disease.

Samantha has had a fight with her girlfriend, and decides to attend a friend's party to cheer herself up. Unfortunately, she gets pretty drunk in the process. A man comes in and starts talking to her, putting a drink in her hand, telling her that she had dropped it. She's drunk, so although she doesn't remember having a cup in her hand, she takes it and drinks.

The next thing she knows, she is in a car being raped. This also is a disturbing scene, however, again, they do not show too much detail. She is heard to be saying no and protesting more than a few times, though, impressing upon the audience that this is indeed not consensual.



The next morning she wakes in her own apartment. She is, of course, hung over. She finds that her menstruation has begun, and it is very heavy. She also feels rather sick. And how can she call the police? She's a recovered drug addict, she had been drunk at the party, and after being drugged she doesn't know what the guy looks like or his name.

Thinking it just a regular hangover, she goes in to her job in a restaurant. She becomes even sicker however. The bleeding is heavier, she is now passing blood, and is extremely nauseous. She realizes she needs to see a doctor. Even in this day and age of STDs and the constant education of prevention, she is still embarrassed and repressed in front of her doctor, afraid to tell him exactly how she feels, and also afraid of what he will think of her.



I believe that's pretty much what this movie is about. If the word zombie was not in this movie. I believe the word trauma would be. This woman had been raped. She needs medical attention, but is too embarrassed and that is common. She needs help from her friends and family who either downplay her problems or tell her pretty much that it's her fault. Unfortunately, this also can be common.

Samantha desperately tries to get back together with her girlfriend but it's not working. They also have a subplot (which doesn't mean anything to the movie) of Samantha trying to become a horticulturist and develop a very rare type of flower in order to enter it into a contest of some type.



Samantha is steadily getting sicker. She notices that one eye has gone red, and believes that it is just part of the infection that she has contracted. She can't really eat without becoming sick, sounds are starting to bother her, and yet even now she cannot seem to get the support she needs from her mother, her girlfriend, and others who claim to be her friends.

The movie pretty much focuses on the lack of support and the decline in her health. Soon both eyes are red, she is developing some sort of rash on her mouth, her veins are turning blue, and she has another rash in a rather tender place.



It's interesting that it's not until there's only about 20 minutes left worth of movie that she begins to actually show what we see in movies as 'zombie-like' actions. After arguing with her girlfriend once again, she kills her, she kills one of her other friends, and she tries to have (yes, again) unprotected sex with a male friend. That ends pretty quickly, though, as her insides apparently have begun to rot. Maggots begin pouring out of that very tender place. And one eye has now gone completely white.

Trying to run away from it all, our last scene of the movie is her driving her car while talking on the phone with her mother, when her illness finally overcomes her and she apparently dies. This causes her car to swerve and she gets into an accident. 



Soon, though, we see her head come up, and it is apparent that she is now a complete zombie. Her mother, who had been following her, tries to come up to her, telling her she wants to help (although it's pretty bloody damn late for that). As the screen goes black, we hear her mother scream.

I would call this a good movie. I wouldn't call it a good ZOMBIE movie. But this movie takes the subjects of rape, unprotected sex, illegal drugs, and adds a metaphor-like twist to it. Instead of becoming ill with an STD and dealing with that for the rest of her life or dying from it, she becomes ill with a zombie virus.

The acting as I said in the beginning was very good. Ms. Townsend had to carry most of the movie and she does a very good job. The camera work and sound is good, the special effects were okay (the contacts were a little obvious though) and it doesn't try to put music in there to force us feel the way they want us to feel.

You cannot watch this film without flinching. And although the police continue to look for the man (not because Samantha reported him and they never say why they're looking for him) they don't find him - he's out picking his next female victim.

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HOW ABOUT A ZOMBIE MOVIE? NO? HOW ABOUT TWO ZOMBIE MOVIES? NO? WELL TOUGH - YOU'RE GETTING THREE ZOMBIE MOVIES - WHADDYA GOT TO SAY ABOUT THAT? PART THREE...

Cockneys vs Zombies (2013) UK

Well, faithful readers you've gotten through two of the three zombie movies that I recently viewed. We've had our teen flick, we've had our so-called adult movie. Now it's time for the senior set. Now I had to do a little looking before I started this review because I am the first one to admit that I am geographically ignorant and I never have even considered what the word 'Cockney' meant before.







So to be fair, I looked it up. I knew from watching this movie that it had something to do with living in the East End of London. But I didn't know the whats and whys. And I didn't know why there was a distinction. Now here in the States, I know different sections of the Country are known for their different dialects such as Southern accents, New York accents, etc. 

But as for England, my main frame of reference (and you may laugh if you want to) is the proper British accent of Stewie Griffin and Sir Patrick Stewart (yes, that's right, I'm putting together a cartoon baby with a distinguished actor), and the Cockney accents are the ones I've heard from watching sitcoms on BBC.

That sounds terrible. I know, which is why I looked it up. Basically, the word Cockney can be associated with geographical location, social interactions, and linguistic associations. As far as the area of London goes, it is the East end and while it covers many districts, it is traditionally a residential area which has experienced a growth of industry. In other words, the East Enders are known as a hard-working people.

As far as dialect goes, I think we've all heard both the so-called proper British accents, as opposed to Cockney accents. Those who speak with Cockney accents are more likely to use a particular type of slang. It is said that some of that slang originates from Yiddish words, others can be combinations of words. 

I did learn one word of slang I'd never heard used before, because it's peppered all through this movie, and that is the word Muppet. Were not talking Kermit the Frog or Cookie Monster, but apparently in Cockney slang a Muppet is a person who consistently does stupid things.

Okay, enough lessons for today. Our movie is another British zombie film comedy, which centers on a group of young Cockneys who work to rescue a group of elderly people from danger as a zombie apocalypse overtakes Eastern London. They give a quick back story to their ZA: a 17th-century graveyard is discovered, ordered sealed by King Charles II. As workers break it open, they are greeted by ravenous zombies who bite them, and off we go.

We have brothers Terry and Andy who are desperate because their grandfather is about to lose his retirement home. Apparently the whole area is being demolished in order to develop expensive properties. The only way the brothers can figure to raise enough money quickly is to do what their grandfather used to do when he was young and a gangster - rob a bank. Unfortunately, Terry and Andy don't have it all together. They do gather a team which includes their cousin Katy, friend  Davey, and Mickey who is their source of weaponry.

Even if you're a zombie you're on one team...

They have a sub subplot going on which gets things a little complicated and confusing. The developers who are planning to demolish the center to make their new buildings have a boss who is planning to embezzle all the money and take off running. He apparently has a partner on the inside; a woman who works at the bank.




Okay, this is a little too much to try to stuff into a zombie comedy. We have the seniors story, the development's embezzlement story, and the brothers story. It makes things hard to follow; not because it is too difficult, but because there is simply too much going on at once to keep track of the story progression.

...or the other.

Terry and Andy and their gang go to rob the bank expecting a modest payoff. But when they grab the money and run, taking the woman that was part of the embezzlement plan with them, and who thinks that this is the boss' way of cleaning out the bank, the would-be robbers are shocked to find that they are staring at $2.5 million.




The movie, then cuts away and goes back to the retirement home. Interestingly, when the zombies attack, it's the employees that end up getting eaten, since the senior citizens seem to have much better survival skills.

Of course, it helps that these are 'Romero' zombies which means that even the most feeble among them can use their walkers and get away clean since even THEY move faster than these zombies do. The senior citizens are not going to go down without a fight. They grab anything they can find whether it be a lamp a cane or just anything heavy and they swing away. It's interesting that the staff, who were much younger, were the first to die, and hardly put up any kind of fight, and yet here we have senior citizens who are beating the crap out of the zombies.

So the zombie apocalypse, at least for East London, is in full swing. Already things are crashed, smashed, wrecked, dead, chewed on, etc. The boys in their van are now trying to get back to their grandfather but have to go through all these obstacles. At the same time, the senior citizens seem to be doing all right for themselves. I don't believe they've lost a single person yet.

Since I'm always such a picky person when it comes to accuracy, continuity, etc. I have to point out one little boo-boo: Everything and everyone is in ruins, on fire, or dead. But, the light rail is still running. You think they would at least have halted filming until it went by instead of having it go through their shot. I just thought that was kind of funny. 

They did have one scene that was a little daring. Very few zombie movies will approach the subject of what to do in the case of a zombie baby. Off the top of my head right now. I can only think about three movies and one of those I can't remember the title of but the two that did was George Romero's Day of the Dead, and Peter Jackson's Braindead a.k.a. Dead Alive. 

The third movie was throw away and I can't remember the title, but I know the mother had the baby before she died so they thought it would be fine until… If I remember right, they drop-kicked that sucker. Here we have a zombie mother pushing a pram as they call them in England. I believe. The treatment of this zombie baby, because of course it is one, was the same; it's drop-kicked into oblivion.

I also found it interesting that the difference between the group of young bank robbers and the group of senior citizens in the senior center is that the young ones could not stop bickering among themselves and so several were killed because they weren't paying attention. The senior citizens worked well together and as I said, I don't believe a single one of them has been killed as of yet.

The most violent one of the young ones which would be Mickey (they give his excuse as he was a veteran who was wounded in the head and now has a steel plate), the one with a huge arsenal. After he is bitten (like I said, among the young ones several die because they do not pay attention) and has died, the remaining ones of the group raid his arsenal and arm themselves to the teeth.

One of the major problems I had with this movie besides having too much going on in a simple, or what was supposed to be simple, zombie comedy, was the CGI work. When are they going to learn that if something explodes and a spray of blood, but none of it hits the ground or the people standing right there that it is faker than any cartoon? 




In the rare cases of gore in this movie, that was a major problem. In other instances where they could have shown better gore, they actually performed the deeds (for example, cutting off the head), off camera. That is some major cheating. It's not the only movie to do this. In fact, the first zombie movie of the three I've reviewed today, Dead Before Dawn, when a zemon was run over repeatedly, that was not shown. At most, what we got to see was a severed leg. Major cheating.

Since most of London is pretty much gone, and obviously the money is no longer an issue, survival becomes the main topic of the movie. The grandfather in the senior center is still the smartest guy in the movie. If any of them live. It will be because of him.

As has happened in several zombie movies, the main objective when the old people get together with the failed bank robbers is to get to a boat, assuming that they can find an island or somewhere else where zombies will not be. As these movies usually step into the land of incredible coincidences, they find a boat ready to go right away. All board the boat and they prepared to move away from the dock, when they discover that no one has bothered to unchain the boat. 

Now someone must sacrifice themselves by going back on land and releasing the chain. The grandfather of the failed bank robbers, the most useful person in the movie, volunteers. He brings an automatic weapon with him because he is not stupid, and one of his grandsons decides to join him. They spray the oncoming zombies with countless rounds as they release the chain and somehow, because this movie is going to have a happy ending even if it kills us, they both somehow manage to get back on the boat.

Our final scene is the remaining young ones and all the seniors from the retirement home. Now where they go, and if they are safe is left open. However, the grandfather makes his final statement, which is that they will take back East London for themselves. I believe him.

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