THREE MASSIVE MANIACS AND A REALLY NICE GUY - ALL SQUISHED INTO A SEVEN FOOT, THREE HUNDRED PLUS POUNDS MAN...






Kane/See No Evil 1/See No Evil 2 (1992, 2006, 2014)

Do I really have to say 'Watch out, there's spoilers!' at the beginning of each review? If I do, I quit. I mean really, if you want 'The kills were nasty, the ending satisfying and I give it three out of five' go somewhere else. I mean it. Leave. NOW.

Don't be disheartened young ones, this won't be a huge review of the life of Glenn "Kane" Jacobs. Just the basics: He was born in Spain, has been married since 1995, began his career in the WWE in 1992, is best known as "Kane", and in the horror movie world as "Jacob Goodnight".

If you've ever seen him as Kane, you know he looks like a nightmare. Towering over his opponents he has been known to smash everyone and everything in sight (in the WWE). To call him a nice guy out of the ring is not saying that the wrestling is fake. I know the score on that. 


They may have "stories" they make up for drama, but the moves and the routines takes strength, coordination, caution, and lots and lots of practice. THAT is not fake. One wrong landing, one wrong execution of a move, and a wrestler's career can be over in a second, if not his life. People have died in the ring, most notoriously Owen Hart, who died due to a mechanical malfunction in 1999.

They take very strict measures to insure the safety of wrestlers, and training in order for their time in the ring to be safe and precise. So in that way, no, wrestling is not fake. The drama may be, but the men pay for their fame with a lot of injuries during their careers.

See No Evil (2006): I reviewed this movie October 21, 2013, so I'll just touch on this one so we can go on to the new Soska take on the Jacob Goodnight story. Basically the WWE wanted to make an 80's type slasher movie so they have the monster, the evil mother behind the monster, a bunch of kids that nobody's gonna miss anyway, and a whole lot of unlikely coincidences to make sure they go to their untimely demises.

There were two things that, if you remembered nothing else, stood out. The huge chain with the hook on the end that 'Jacob' threw like it was nothing, and the fact that after (sometimes before) each person was killed, he also pulled out their glazzies - oops, appy polly loggy. Some Clockwork Orange is still in my system, I guess it takes some time for the gloopy stuff to get out. 'Jacob' plucked out their eyeballs, keeping them in jars of liquid.

They killed him pretty good in the first one too: Not only had he lived with a bullet hole in his skull for four years (nice shots of maggots and flies coming out of there - the sound of a fly buzzing meant he was nearby), so to really, really kill him, they shoved a pipe through one eye, then shoved him out a five? six? story window into an atrium, with an interior shot of a piece of rebar splitting his heart. He was dead, dead, dead.

See No Evil 2 (2014): "He's not dead anymore." That's my favorite line of this movie, which has gotten both good and bad reviews of how the sequel was treated. The second movie, much anticipated as it was to be directed by the Canadian Soska sister team, was bound to come under harsh scrutiny. I personally think that it was unfairly due to their youth and the fact they are women. Sad but true.

They loved the saga of Jacob Goodnight and felt he could be a long-living (sort of) character and wanted a sequel. Hey, they were bound to make a few changes, while sticking to the general formula of the movie, that is, to keep it close to an 80's type slasher film. Just with a lot more gore. You HAVE seen American Mary, right?

Not to say I don't have my problems with this movie. It picks up right where the first movie left off (never mind that it was eight years ago) as the bodies are removed from the dilapidated hotel and brought to the morgue.


I was excited to see that the Soskas had a cameo at the beginning as two bodies that had just been autopsied. Unfortunately, they do not appear elsewhere in the movie. They did bring with them favorites Danielle Harris and Katharine Isabelle (American Mary). Unfortunately (and my biggest gripe) Katharine Isabelle played a drunken idiot in this movie - Danielle Harris got to be the 'smart' girl.

So coincidentally (of course) the bodies are brought in on the night of morgue attendant Amy's (Danielle Harris) birthday, when all her friends have planned a surprise party. Nothing is more surprising than having a seven foot corpse get up and start picking off your friends one by one...

My problems with it? Let's do those first and get them out of the way. All the bodies should have been in bags yet none were. In fact the other bodies were not even present anywhere in the morgue yet the supervisor said they had received at least seven of the victims.


Tamara (Katharine Isabelle) sits on Jacob's body and taunts him about the fact his mother tortured him as a child. If this movie is taking place just as they're removing bodies from the hotel, NO ONE could know who 'Jacob' was, what his motivation was, or his history. They wouldn't have known the significance of his wounds including the whip marks, the hole in his head, and the condition of his heart.

His mother had referred to him as the Hand of God and the media knew this when there was no way they could possibly have found out so quickly and broadcast it as the bodies were still being brought to the morgue. And they had his mother (with no wounds showing) already put in a drawer? Really?

From some magic room in the morgue Jacob managed to find the signature chain with a hook to use as in the first movie. There was also a freaking sweet looking knife they had to actually have hand made - but his mythology of 'seeing the sin' was gone and he didn't pluck out eyeballs. He did talk a lot more though - in the first movie I believe he had one line - in this he talks quite a bit.


Some complained there were too many 'flashbacks' but you have to remember - a lot of people have probably never watched See No Evil and it HAD been eight years so...

Lets go to the positives. Glenn Jacobs is a truly talented (and very coordinated) guy who can play mean and nasty like few others - not to mention do his own stunts (But then again, who the hell are you gonna get to do 'em for him?)

I usually don't list things like camera work, direction, shots, etc. 'cause, well, those things aren't funny. A lot of movies make 'em really stupid, but not funny.

The Soska sisters, young as they may be, pay a lot of attention to detail (if you ignore the parts they kind of just did away with) and several scenes were particularly well executed. One that stuck with me was when a rack of shelves with glass jars filled with liquid and other icky things was pulled on a guy by Jacob. The detail of the glass shards and flying stuff was neater than any 3D trick and this was not a 3D movie. You could just about see each individual shard as they flew through the air - very cool.

Originality: Embalming Jacob was a freaking sweet (and messy) idea, especially since the liquid was blue (watching blood and then blue gunk fly out of his eye socket was particularly gory) and a great device to keep him going for more movies; the whole cast dies for a change, despite there being the good, the bad, and the stupid; Kane was terrific - he talked this time - maybe a bit much but it puts him apart from the Jasons and the Mike Myers of the genre.

Overall I'm glad I have both DVDs and I can't wait to get hold of The ABC's Of Death 2 to see what letter the Soskas got to make into a gooshy, bloody mess.




                        

MISS MURDER'S REPORTED DEMISE HAS BEEN A BIT PREMATURE BUT SHE AT LEAST SHE JOINS QUITE A SELECT PARTY...






Yes, The Horror Movie Shaming Is Continuing...

Hello, hello, hello my droogies! Yes, faithful ones, Miss Murder realizes that the new year has a whole two weeks used up (or three, she don't count so good) without a single horrible movie review. 

Now Miss Murder could go into paragraph after paragraph of what's been going on with her health, but since you are faithful droogies, you already know. Miss Murder has basically been somewhat of a potato gone rotten lately. And no, that is not a Val Kilmer joke, although it could very easily be.

Let's just say she won't be
doing this anytime soon...

Let's just say, even though Miss Murder said she would not go on about her health, these past few weeks have seen her worse than usual, to the point where her faithful hubby has had to wheel her drooling, disgusting self between the bed and the computer so that at least she would have some material for future posts, even if she hasn't finished the ones she's been promising for weeks.

Oh droogies - the movies she's seen! Including one that insults you (the main character talks to you like you're scum for watching him) and uses the phrase 'oh my brothers' waaaay too much which is what got Miss Murder into her Clockwork Orange mood.

Now if you find some words in this particular column that don't sound like real words, it is because Miss Murder is back to using her wonderful dictation program. Things have gotten so bad that apparently that she had to retrain the program to recognize her voice as apparently her voice had changed. And not for the better, dear droogies. So. What HAS Miss Murder been doing?

Wait a minute... that guy on the right
looks familiar... ah hell,
he's a regular on the SyFy show Haven!

Well, young ones, besides working on the promised Kane/Jacob Goodnight/Soska sisters saga, she has once again strayed from the Netflix fold because it seems that their horror selection has been a little stale lately. 

Although when looking up the "WWE" site to read up on the background of the wrestler "Kane" Miss Murder "laughed" so "hard" she couldn't "continue" (don't worry Weird Al, these are not quotations for emphasis, it's just that so much of their drama is "staged" they have to use "quotations" in place of saying wink-wink-nudge-nudge-say-no-more when they're mixing fiction with rea - I mean manly gymnastics.)

Now Miss Murder is not saying Netflix doesn't have lots of horrorfilms (Since when is that one word - damned dictation program - oh well, that's kind of horrorshow, right droogies?), but it gets pretty bad when she can index them from A-Z, and at a glance see what she has seen, what she has not seen, and what she does not want to see.

Unfortunately, this isn't John Dies At The End...

She's not going to say exactly where she's been watching most of her movies (*cough* Hulu *cough*) but she's been surprised to find some not so typically awful horror, and some movies even worth reviews of their own. Now, apparently, some places have quite a catalog of horror movies and surprisingly there's not a lot of 'doubling' comparing their lists to Netflix.

This particular place seems to have a lot of Gravitas Ventures, which scream cheap and sleazy and worthy of a review once in a while.

Not quite this bad, but you
get the pic - oh no wait, no you don't...

And most of them are available free without subscribing. This isn't a suggestion, just an observation. You can forget about the other frigging worthless service (*cough* Crackle *cough* *cough*) that has commercials that stream perfectly, but movies you develop a stutter after watching because the streaming sucks rocks.

But she has seen her share of interesting movies. She's actually seen an abandoned asylum movie with a slightly different ending, total pieces of garbage that she was able to grab a nugget or two of gold from, and a quote or two.

Am I?

So far her favorite quote has been when a man who was old enough to know better was confronted with the ghost of Charlie Manson's daughter. He said, "Manson? The singer? I thought he was gay."

She's also seen the much anticipated (for whatever reason) Annabelle - and all she can say right now is HOLY CRAP! HOW DID YOU EXPECT AN INNOCENT BABY TO SLEEP WITH THAT DEMONIC PIECE OF CERAMIC HELL YOU ACTUALLY 'SEARCHED' FOR JUST TO PUT ON HER SHELF? Seriously, somebody needed to call Social Services on those idiots.

Oh, and the movie sucked too.

Corey Feldman wasn't one of them...

So she has a whole lot of movies that she has made notes on tape for, most of them, terrible. One was almost watchable, and 'paranormal' wasn't even part of it. One. Movie. How sad is that? And do you know how many movies she was suckered into watching because the top billed star was someone she wanted to see... only to discover they are in the movie somewhere between two and ten minutes before they're killed off or just collect their check and go home.

Don't get excited, this is the only
movement in the entire movie...

Of course, there were a few surprises and actually a movie or two in the huge messy bundle that she has been watching in stutters that might be worth a peek. Please be patient and she will get things up to speed just as soon as she is able.

Miss Murder now needs to wipe the drool from her chin. Where is that hubby?

                        

MOVIES YOU WATCH (AGAIN) BECAUSE YOU'RE LOOKING FORWARD TO THE SEQUEL - GO SOSKA SISTERS!




See No Evil (2006)

If you think this is about the classic 1971 horror film with Mia Farrow, you're reading the wrong blog. That's one of the reasons why I wish these guys would come up with something original - something without 'Paranormal', 'The Haunting Of', 'Of The Dead', 'Conjured' or 'Conjuring', or 'Massacre'. The title to this first outing of the WWE Films company went through several changes and each just made it worse. First it was Eye Scream Man - yeah that's stupid but no one else has used it. Except a villain in a Marvel comic book. Oops, Eye Scream Productions is what the WWE called their company for this movie. Sorry - not.

The next working titles were The Goodnight Man which I thought was the best one but... again it was changed, this time to Goodnight. Still... passable. But since this is a teenager slasher film I guess they went for the lowest common denominator and settled on See No Evil.


This is also professional wrestler Kane's first gig. Umm, as an actor - in the WWE circuit he (Glenn Jacobs) is well known. And before you pass off this seven foot tall, three hundred and change pounds wrestler as just some dumb guy they used for this movie, Jacobs earned a degree in English literature at Northeast Missouri State University where he played both basketball and football. Don't judge him by looks, people, no matter how much he growls.

Anywho, why would I care or even watch this get-them-together-and-kill-them-one-by-one slasher film that follows my horror worksheet (patent pending) to the letter? Well, the first couple times I watched it (you heard me) was because, honestly, I forgot a lot of what it was about. I remember the kids are snotty law breakers, made to work to clean an old hotel being turned into a museum to take time off of their sentences.


I remembered one chick not being killed right away because of her religious tattoos (later, later children) and I remember a HUGE guy dragging these people all over like they were made of paper. That's about it. But the Soska sisters, the Canadian twins and makers of the movies Dead Hooker In A Trunk and American Mary, heard that the WWE were interested in making a sequel and as they loved this film they batted their eyes and bounced up and down... Sorry - they did no such thing. Their thoughts: 



Jennifer Soska: "There are so many beautiful subgenres in the horror genre. We see this not as a slasher but one of those films like a Halloween or A Nightmare on Elm Street where you have this character, Jacob Goodnight, who by every right should be a horror icon, and we’re really going to develop that in this one. I think in the first one there was a bit of missed opportunity to not brand this character to bring it to that level where people can dress up as him for Halloween and have him on a T-shirt and talk about him, so that’s a huge thing that we’re going to be undertaking in this one."

Sylvia Soska: "It’s so funny because after we finished American Mary, you would not believe the meetings that we had with various different studios and various different scripts and they wanted American Mary again. They wanted a medical horror starring Katharine Isabelle in sexy surgeon outfits where she’s doing underground surgery. We had done that. No matter what happened they were like, “Oh, just do it again, do it again.” It was so funny because when we were first selling American Mary nobody wanted it and now everybody’s like oh, we’ll do that again.

One thing I didn't find American Mary has that’s really exciting about the See No Evil project is: scary. I've always wanted to make a film with Jen that is so scary and upsetting, it just keeps you at the edge of your seat while you’re watching it. We’re big Hitchcock fans and he always says it’s the lead up, not the payoff, that really gets under your skin as an audience member. And remember, See No Evil 1 had a lot of payoff, but the lead up, the seduction, wasn't there."

Hmmm? The movie? Well we start with two policeman looking through an abandoned house. They find a woman held captive with her eyes torn out. One policeman is killed, the other loses his arm but still manages to shoot the guy in the head - saving his own life. They find seven bodies with no eyes and I'm starting to think is this an urban telling of Jeepers Creepers (2001)? Fortunately, not even close.

So skip ahead skip ahead and we've got some juvies looking to take time off their sentences. They're in for petty crimes - we're not talking murderers, we're talking lighter crimes idiots. What was a little different (very little) is that instead of the required five or six, we've got eight young 'uns to kill off. Oh goody.

And die they do - they might have lived if they had behaved and stayed where they're supposed to (says the old woman) but hey this is about teen rebellion and them having been caught and in jail shows they don't have a whole lot of smarts anyway. The same police officer who lost his arm and a female officer are 'supervising' this little project that happens in no city anywhere on earth. And they start to die.

You don't see Jacob Goodnight (Kane) except briefly at the start, but soon his huge presence is known (he does not speak, I don't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing) as kids disappear, being carried off for those eyeballs he's so fond of. Why? We have to wait quite a while for some backstory to explain the motive behind his bizarre collection.

So sneak sneak, die die, out come the eyeballs, plunk they go in the jars of... something. Lather, rinse, repeat. That's why I saw it a couple of times - the teenagers are pretty unremarkable so except for this huge mountain of a man there's not much to see. Finally we're down to a couple of kids (the two supervisors biting it pretty early in the movie) and the kids discover that the sweet old lady who hired them is actually Jacob's mother (and if you didn't know that the second she showed up I've taught you NOTHING) who tortured him as a kid, telling him his natural urges toward females was sinful and dirty (hey lady you had a kid so...) and that the eyes were the 'window to the soul' so she started the gouging first, plus keeping him in a cage - all in the name of religion. Isn't that special?

Which is why the one girl who has some large religious tattoos is put in a cage instead of being killed outright. But his mother doesn't like that - she wants her dead NOW. The murder and mayhem is varied and almost interesting - anywhere from being 'hooked' to death, to being devoured by wild dogs. And Kane, even though he doesn't say a word, has some really impressive range of looks from mad, to really mad, to sadly mad, to... oh sorry Kane fans. 

Ultimately, as I guess they weren't expecting a sequel, Goodnight is shoved out of a window and even though he holds on to the windowsill he drops when a pipe is impaled into his eye, making a real good hole. Just in case though, they have him fall through a glass atrium and when he hits the ground we get an inside view of his body so we can see his rib break and pierce his heart, killing him. The last scene is of one of the wild dogs, pissing in his eye socket. Brutal.

I'm not dissing this movie at all - hey, I used to watch wrestling all the time, I know how it works - these guys are like ultimate heroes to some. So I will say, truthfully, that this seven foot dude (who I already mentioned is smart) did a great job as the tortured and torturer.

So I can understand and I'm actually looking forward to seeing (small pun) what the Soska sisters have come up with (the sequel is set for 2014) - how Goodnight is resurrected and who his next set of victims (I'm assuming that will include the Soska sisters since they like to act in their own movies) will be. It will still be yet another teenage slasher flick but since it will be a Soska sisters slasher flick that's not such a bad thing, right?

A LITTLE BIT AUDITION, A LITTLE BIT I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE, A LITTLE BIT FLESH & BLOOD, A WHOLE LOT OF MISOGYNY




Dead Hooker In A Trunk (2009)/American Mary (2012) Canadian

This flinch fest has a little bit of everything - torture, rape, murder, misogyny and a small hint of humor. In a sick kind of way. I saw American Mary first and I was kind of glad - watching the Soska sisters' first effort of an independent film makes one realize that with practice this team might make some pretty good stuff. Just not yet. Seeing them both you can really tell they had quite a bit more money to spend on the second one.

Now there are those who would argue vehemently with me - DHIAT was recommended to me as an excellent movie, and I had heard AM was like the movie Audition (1999) an excellent foreign film I reviewed 8/24/12, that I'm going to have to get a copy of - it's a flinch/gore fest and the story is good. But back to the Soska sisters.

That they have talent is without question. Like I said, I think if they keep making movies, they'll get better and better. These two had great promise and certainly original stories but, well, let's start with the first one.

When you write/direct/produce a movie and then decide to star in it, you're gonna have trouble. For one thing, the more 'hats' you wear, the harder it is to keep control of them all. As actresses, they were uneven and at times cartoonish, but did show promise. The story is - umm - bizarre is about the only word I can think of for it and I was hoping this wasn't going to be a cheap version of Weekend At Bernies. It wasn't.


Dead Hooker In A Trunk (2009): The characters have no names, just description of their personalities. There are four. First is Badass (Sylvia Soska) a tough twin to Geek (Jen Soska) and we get a small bit of backstory that as a small child she was forced to shoot her father after he killed their mother. Geek wears glasses because, of course, in movie lingo this means she is not as pretty as her sister but smarter, right? Even though they're identical twins. In this film, except for looking alike, they have little in common. 

They are joined by Junkie (Badass' friend) and Goody Two-Shoes (Geek's friend) - the only male in the group and shown to be the weakest one of the bunch. The fun begins when they smell something strange in their Firebird (a restored 1969 Pontiac Firebird with mag wheels - too good for them but I'd take it) and discover, well, see the title.

Thus a chain of events is set in motion and the movie gets very choppy - there's almost no flow, just 'scenes' that happen one after another. The Soska sisters set out to show women can use gore just as good as the big boys can, and there's plenty of it. In the course of trying to get rid of the body, Geek loses her eye by being hit in the back of the head with a baseball bat (interesting) but instead of going to hospital just puts an 'X' of electrical tape over the hole (better than duct tape I guess). Then Junkie gets a severe cut via chainsaw to her arm by a drug dealer while she was making a pickup so Badass, having a gun from a previous scuffle, proceeds to blow everyone's head off and rescue her.

Now we get into cartoonish territory. We have Geek wearing her glasses over a tape covered eye socket, and as they're all out arguing on the side of a road Junkie waves her arms in frustration and a truck comes by and whoops! No more arm. 

Not to worry though, Badass simply retrieves the arm out of the 18 wheeler's grill (WTH?) and sews it back on. Ooookay. So the hooker's still in the trunk and the four decide to bury her together. As Badass digs a hole the hooker... wait for it... sits up. Badass promptly bashes her over the head with the shovel without a second thought. Yikes. But they don't bury her yet and back in the trunk she goes.

This goes on for the rest of the movie, with bad things happening to the group and a definite all-men-are-evil-and-will-hurt-you theme running throughout (Goody Two-Shoes doesn't count - one they think he's gay (he's not) and two he's a born again Christian youth group leader. With a foul mouth. Sigh.). The two injured girls don't act like they are in any kind of pain and still don't even go to a doctor and the rest of the movie's storyline is finally revealed - the hooker was killed by a serial killer and placed in their trunk for... a while I guess.

It wasn't really much of a shock to discover that it was Goody Two-Shoe's pious priest who was the serial killer since there really wasn't many men in this movie (sorry for assuming the serial killer was a man but roughly 85% of all serial killers are male). His motivation? A botched circumcision left him a bit... different and women made fun of him his whole life. Huh. That's... kind of dumb. You've gotta admit that of all the reasons someone would want to kill...

In the end in a twisted sense of justice, he is set on fire and burned, and the hooker dumped in the ocean, with our four now-friends driving off into the sunset. Ick.


American Mary (2012): While this also had quite the unique story (and also smaller parts played by the Soska sisters) it was uneven and seemed to run out of gas long before the ending, which was pretty dumb. But my problem is the title of the film itself. The character is a student studying to become a surgeon, named Mary Mason (Katharine Isabelle), and as she does... what I'm about to describe, she tells all that she doesn't want her name spread around in case the police come back to her so they call her 'Bloody Mary'. So where did American Mary come from? There's no reference to it in the movie and no explanation either.

So Mary is studying medicine in Seattle, Washington (really Vancouver B.C.) with a sadistic teacher named Dr. Grant who's a real A to the double S to the HOLE. He picks on Mary constantly, both in class and in the hospital when they make rounds. But Mary badly wants to be a surgeon, even practicing on turkeys outside of class, to become the best there is. One BIG problem. Mary is from a Hungarian family in Budapest and they don't have money. And she is broke. Very, VERY broke. Desperate she goes to a strip club for a job. The owner, Billy, says all the right things (insert sarcasm here) like 'You're not fat under there or anything are you?' Like I said, all men are evil and will hurt you.

Before she can, uh, shake her booty Billy's bouncer comes in and he asks her to come with him to help stitch up an associate of his who had been tortured - for cash. Now. For five grand she does the distasteful job and manages to get back home before she loses everything she hasn't eaten for the last few days.

The movie gets weird from here. I mean that in an interesting way. If you have no experience with the concept of body modification, you won't understand what the big deal is here. I'm not talking about the cute little green dot earring in your nose (which always looks like snot to me) or the standard rose/skull/eagle tattoo on your arm/thigh. I'm talking hardcore. If you look up body modification, you'll find it's not for circus freaks - there is a population of people so desperately unhappy with themselves that they will do just about anything to alter their appearance. Or just think it's cool. Whatever.

This is not part of the movie - it's real...

Not just plastic surgery, but things such as 3D modification, voluntary amputation, and something not mentioned in the movie but last I heard only two people in the WORLD are willing to do it - tattoo the whites of your eyes. EYES. Blue eyeballs. Or whatever color they choose. These people also are willing to take the necessary risks to attain these modifications - unless the person is very good (and sterile) you can go blind or die from the complications.

So Mary meets Beatress - a stripper from Billy's club. Right away there's something... alien about her. She loves Betty Boop. A LOT. So to make the outside look like she felt on the inside... lets say the effects are startling. She has a friend who basically wants to look like a doll - and that means female, but, uh, not anatomically correct shall we say? Her name is Ruby Realgirl and she designs dolls and wants to be one herself - her face already is so frozen that when she speaks her lips barely even move. What does she have done? Umm - look at a Barbie doll and you'll pretty much figure it out. And she pays a LOT of money.

Mary is then invited to a party with other surgeons. This was a massive duh. Why they hell would surgeons invite students to a party unless... yup, roofies all around. In no time, the horrid Dr. Grant has her in a bedroom and she is violated, choked, raped and videotaped. For whatever reason, he doesn't have her dumped somewhere - she wakes up in the bed next to him. That... was not realistic. Dazed and messed up she asks Billy for a favor and soon Dr. Grant is trussed up and in her apartment. She decides to 'use' him to practice some other body modifications so that she can continue her new profession and collect some very high fees. Oh and she does it without anesthetic, just to be fair. I thought it was fair anyway.

So Mary starts to become famous for her skillful technique and willingness to do anything a customer asks. Anything. Cut it off? 'Kay. Sew it up? 'Kay. We then get to see the Soska twins again playing German body modification fans who want to always be together - even when apart. That involves switching arms and for whatever reason, 3D implants of horns in both foreheads. She gets another surgeon to help her since both arms need to come off and be sewed back on immediately. And of course since this is fantasy just as unreal as the first movie we won't worry about the little things, like connecting the nerve endings, muscles, fusing bones, you know, the micro surgery needed for this kind of thing...

And Dr. Grant? He's fine - what's left of him. Hanging by his flesh from hooks, all limbs amputated, lips sewn shut and being fed through an IV, Mary keeps him alive - whether for revenge or more practice we don't know 'cause somehow a security guard discovers her and tries to free the guy - the guard ends up getting his head turned to paste. Mary was mad and Mary made a mess.

Even though a detective has been harassing her with questions, she continues her work. Billy is worried though - Beatress has disappeared. Turns out that Ruby has a husband who doesn't quite appreciate his new anatomically incorrect wife. He beats the bejeezus out of Beatress until she tells him where Mary is. Mary doesn't discover this until she's already home - where he's waiting for her. How he got into her locked apartment we don't know - all we know is the movie has a few minutes left so...

The husband stabs Mary who returns the favor and kills him. She manages to sew her wound shut but the next scene is of the police crawling all over her apartment. They've discovered her album of 'work', including the hapless Dr. Grant. And Mary? She stitched herself up, but the internal bleeding was too much and she lies dead on the floor. What a flat, nothing, what the hell ending.

So what have we learned kiddies? Creativity is great. Practice is good. But maybe for the twin's next project they should step back and concentrate on the story and the direction instead of giving themselves excuses to parade in front of the cameras. Oh and remember - men are bad. Just ask them.