Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.
Showing posts with label Willem Dafoe. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Willem Dafoe. Show all posts

Monday, March 24, 2014

THE MOVIE TITLE SAYS ODD, NOT STUPID AND CONTRIVED - SHEESH!




Odd Thomas (2013)

Odd Thomas is a book by Dean Koontz. Some people refer to him, rather unfairly, as the poor man's Stephen King. While some of his books do seem to have a lack of, I don't want to say imagination because there's plenty of that. I guess people believe that he is more of a writer for the masses, and not for those who appreciate a good scare. 

Personally, I own several of his books, and have read them many times. My favorite one is called Lightning. It's an older one, and I wish they could make a movie out of it, but at the same time I don't want them to try because I know they'd screw it up.

Lightning has just about everything. You have horror, romance, Nazis, time travel, consequences of changing events in the past, as well as the future, and just about anything else you can think of. This is a great book. I just don't want to see it on the big screen starring Brad Pitt and a bunch of CGI effects.

But let's get back to Odd Thomas. That is his actual name. He explains that his family has told him several versions of how he got that name, from it being an error, to it being the name of a distant relative. Looking at my first name, I am completely in tune with how he feels. 




It's not a lot of fun to go through life constantly having to repeat and re-repeat your name and spell it at least once every time you meet someone. And yet, celebrities think it is just wonderful to name their progeny something very, very strange with impossible spelling that their child is destined to repeat endlessly throughout its life.

Odd Thomas can see dead people. No, he's not the grown-up boy from The Sixth Sense and there is no Bruce Willis here. Odd Thomas not only sees dead people, but because, according to the rules of this book, they cannot speak, somehow he is able to discern how they died and who killed them.



Odd Thomas lives in a small California town. He works as a short order cook. The love of his life is a waitress who works there, named Stormy. He also is not passive about his ability. In fact, a phrase from the book was adapted to be the catchphrase of the movie poster. Something to the effect of I may see dead people, but then by God, I do something about it. Something like that. 

In other words, when he meets up with a dead person and sees a vision in his head of how they died and who killed them, he goes after the murderer. He does not have a weapon. In this movie, apparently, neither does anyone who he goes up against. Massive duh. In one case, he tells the killer he knows he has a bit of the victim's blood in his pocket. Then he knocks him into a swimming pool. So much for the evidence...



What he does, at least in this movie, is beat the crap out of and subdue the alleged murderer until the police arrive. In real life, this action alone would get him thrown in prison. But for the sake of this movie, he is looked on as a hero, if a little odd. Pun intended.

Now it gets weirder. Apparently, the fact that Odd can see dead people and find criminals isn't enough. There are creatures following certain people around called bodachs. These horrid gravity-defying creatures apparently follow around those, either to whom calamity is to happen, or who is about to cause calamity. Hey, I don't make this up. I just write it down. This word bodach is simply a fancy way according to wiki of saying bogeyman.



At this point, as he sometimes does, my husband walked by and saw the scene where these creatures are following someone. He immediately and correctly said that this was an awful lot like the short-lived series Dead Like Me. In that particular show, people who had died, but not crossed over, were given jobs like regular people. In their extra time they are given assignments on small sticky notes of who is about to die. 




They get a name and a time and that's it. But, strange small nasty creatures called gravelings, always seem to show up just before the person dies to make sure events come together right so that the death happens, right on schedule.

So the bodachs are this movie's way of warning you that something bad is about to happen. With movies like Paranormal Activity, and other movies of the same ilk, they use a cheap sound effect that sounds like rumbling to let you know something bad is about to happen. Here it's bodachs. 

One day while he's flipping burgers, Odd happens to notice a strange man whose hair looks like it is made of mold. And there are a butt load of bodachs, following him around. Since this movie is 100 minutes long, it takes a while to get around to the point. We get a little background on the monsters, mostly that if you pretend not to see them, they won't bother you. If they know you can see them, you're in a world of hurt. Why? Because the movie says so.

So one night, Odd is walking home, which seems very dangerous because by now the whole town must know that with this guy there are no secrets, and even though this is a very small town, apparently it's the murder capital of the world. Anywho, he's walking home when he is accosted by a ghostly apparition of a bowling team. The whole team. This time, something is very wrong. Besides the fact that he talks to dead people because they are yelling at him. Dead people do not speak according to this book and this movie.

These people are soon-to-be-departed since obviously they are not dead yet. They also are able to lift him up and carry him around. This freaks him out. That must have been hard to do, considering that he sees dead people every day. They are faceless, but the bowling shirts are very obvious. So apparently in the afterlife, people get to dress like Charlie Sheen. Dammit.

So although the movie hasn't even gone 10 minutes, already they're breaking their own rules. These faceless bowling enthusiasts are trying to get Odd Thomas away from some sort of danger. However, as they are carrying him off, they are being shot, one by one. How do dead people get shot? Well, they're not dead yet. So what are they? Already, this movie has changed its rules and now we are just as clueless as apparently Odd is.

From here the movie starts sliding into the valley of incredible movie coincidences. Something is being set up, and now Odd must play detective to find out who this strange man is and why so many monsters are not only following him, but beginning to gather in this small but very violent town.

And, of course, since Odd is the star of the show, he manages to find clues and suspects that the police don't seem to be able to locate. That doesn't make the police look very competent. Willem Dafoe plays a detective, but takes a backseat to a 20-something fry cook who can follow dead people and monsters around.



The fact that all of these bodachs are now gathering in town, not following any one specific person, but showing up everywhere, tells Odd that something big is about to happen. He just doesn't know what yet. And he won't be finding out any time soon, because this movie is 100 freaking minutes long.

To save you, my dear readers, from a huge page of incredible coincidences coming together, let's sum up. The whole idea, was to have a massacre at a local shopping mall. This is a small town. Somehow they can support huge shopping mall? Oh well, if I looked for logic, this review would be a hell of a lot longer.

Still being in the realm of incredible coincidences, there is a slow reveal of the plot. Odd finds out that the bodachs have been pretending not to see him, but actually can. Apparently, they have not killed him thus far because they believe they can use him. Massive duh. Odd finds out that not only is one of the police officers involved in this plot, but apparently several are involved.

The plan is incredibly flawed however. They have a van full of explosives, how the hell did they get hold of that? This is post-9/11 time were talking about here. That many explosives being gathered would surely set off alarms in all kinds of different places with all kinds of different government departments.

This is their plan and I'm not kidding. The three cops, who apparently were in cahoots with the mold-head guy, are dressed in black gear, complete with Kevlar vests. They are wearing black masks. The idea is for them to first kill all mall security personnel, who conveniently all happen to be in one place, then use their automatic weapons to open fire on the food court at the mall. 

Because of recent events, this was a little uncomfortable to watch. After taking out as many people as they can, their plan was to go off somewhere private, strip down to their police uniforms, and come back out and somehow save the day from themselves. Okay, that's… stupid. Plus, if they're playing hero inside the mall, who is going to set off the explosives in the truck that is parked inside the parking garage?

This leaves Odd to not only stop these three trained police officers from killing people inside the mall, using only a pistol against automatic weapons, but then he must run to the garage and get the explosives away from the mall. All within the space of a minute or two. The officers, of course, get off quite a few shots before Odd takes them down. 

Apparently, the movie is telling us that they could not hear a small pistol being fired over the sound of their automatic weapons. Bodachs are there any huge quantities, just waiting for all the carnage, so they can??? It's never really established what the monsters are there for except to facilitate the death of those they showed up for. What do they do with these people or their spirits as the movie goes, afterwards? Dunno.



And, of course, since Odd is the major good guy in this movie, even though he is shot several times, he not only manages to take out the three trained gunmen, but get to the garage, hotwire the truck, and drive it out to a conveniently located culvert and let it explode, harmlessly spreading fire along the empty canal.

So Odd and his girlfriend, Stormy, spend the next several days doing what couples in love do. They dance, they laugh - well, he laughs anyway, they sleep in, watch movies, eat junk food, and generally just enjoy each other's company.



But you know, these movies cannot have happy endings. It's the law. There's a knock at the door. It's Willem Defoe, also getting over his injuries, at the door with his wife. They gently tell Odd that it's time. The audience gets clues that something is not right with the time Odd has spent with his girlfriend. She has not said one word. And, remember the rules for this movie. Yes, his girlfriend had been present at the mall and had been killed. They are telling Odd that her body has been released and the funeral is today.

The film did not do well. It says it has a 93 minute running time (pffft...), a budget of $27 million, and a whole butt load of legal problems. But its biggest problem was the amount that was so contrived. POD tattoos on the bad guys meant 'Prince Of Darkness'? Pfft... c'mon guys. Could you be ANY lamer? For me, P.O.D will ALWAYS mean the music group (Payable On Death)... yeah, that ages me, but so what?

Coming up... Disc Three of our Pure Terror Horror Movie Marathon... aren't you excited?


Friday, August 30, 2013

MAJOR BEEFCAKE, SWOONING WOMEN AND REVENGE SERVED VIOLENTLY





The Boondock Saints (1999)

In 1974 a particularly violent film (for its time) shocked audiences with the idea that one man could so callously kill in the name of revenge. It was called Death Wish and starred one of the major actors of the time, Charles Bronson. The story was of a home invasion by three would-be thieves who are enraged when they find little money. In retaliation they beat and rape the mother and daughter of Bronson's character. The mother dies, the daughter, forever traumatized. The whole theme was controversial - is it right or wrong to go out for your own justice or depend on the police? The theme caught like wildfire - there were five Death Wish movies in all.

I Spit On Your Grave (1978), another type of vigilante movie, was about a beaten and raped woman who systematically stalks and kills each of her attackers. Again the question being - was she in the right?

So we fast forward to 1999. Twin brothers Connor and Murphy McManus (Sean Patrick Flanery and Norman Reedus) are good Irish Catholics who work in a meat packing plant. On St. Patrick's day they celebrate in their favorite pub, and are told by the tearful bartender that the pub is closing because it has been taken over by the Russian Mafia. In fact, some heavies from the Mafia come in to close the place early. There's a scuffle and the twins are marked by the very large Mafia dudes (guess they were doubly heavy) for death. 

The next day the bodies of the Mafia men are discovered in an alley. The local police postulate several theories, none of them even remotely logical as to how the two died. In comes special FBI Agent Paul Smecker (Willem Dafoe), brought in since the dead men were recognized as Russian mob guys. He not only recognized immediately that the local police aren't trying very hard to solve the case but that something very interesting had happened in this alley. He was right.

The scene plays out - Conner and Murphy are attacked, one handcuffed to a toilet, the other taken into the alley to be shot. Conner (the one with the toilet) rips it from the wall and from the roof drops it on the man about to kill his brother. He then jumps down and both dispatch the men. They are now considered vigilantes and are targets of criminals and authorities. And thus the movie continues in this vein.

I don't think I have to really detail what happens in this movie - you know that they decide that fighting bad guys and cleaning up their neighborhood is their 'calling' and the FBI Agent who at first is determined to bring them to justice eventually decides that they ARE the justice doing what he really wants to do but can't.

The interesting parts of the movie are the scenes where the brothers are revealed to be quite intelligent - they are not thugs - in fact they know at least six if not more languages and are very religious. The agent can find nothing to fault them at the time - they did act in self defense - and lets them go.

They subsequently decide to clean up other bad guys - using techniques they've observed in movies. With incredible luck, even though massive screwups take place they win each time and many in several Mafia 'families' die. The FBI agent acts out each scenario as it takes place in slow motion behind him, making the scene look like a violent type of Tai Chi - very strange. It's also strange that they felt the need to point out that the agent was a homosexual - that seemed superfluous to the plot and had nothing to do with his abilities or character.

Impossible and overdone..
One Mafia boss decides to end the brothers once and for all by getting released from prison a real monster. His name is Il Duce and apparently he makes Hannibal Lector look like a boy scout. Shackled from head to toe and kept in a cage he is somehow paroled and instructed to take the brothers out. But as he's about to do that as they are ready to dispatch yet another bad guy, he hears them recite their family prayer - it's a ritual they use before every, um, murder. Instead of killing them, he puts his hands on their shoulders and finishes the prayer with them. Il Duce is their father.

The last Mafia boss, Papa Joe, is about to be acquitted for about the umpteenth time in court. The brothers, together with their 'da' walk into the courthouse and in front of the whole room dispatch Papa Joe. They walk out, free men and heroes to most of the spectators.

Okay people didn't like this movie at first but it's become kind of a cult movie, with a sequel following. I had several problems with it though (and I'm sure the female population will hate me for this). Two brothers, good Irish Catholic boys decide that murder is no big deal? And there were some goofs. One, everyone who's a fan of Norman Reedus knows he has his first name tattooed on his chest, yet in the movie his name is Murphy. Which is why the first rule of tattooing is never NEVER have a name tattooed on yourself, even if it's your own.

The scene where Connor throws the toilet from the roof also has some goofs - we see him haul it up and get ready to hurl it. The top of the tank comes off and falls first. We see that the toilet has no seat or seat cover. Yet when the toilet hits the mobster, it has both a seat and seat cover.

Again I have a problem as to why they made Dafoe's character a homosexual - not because of the sexual orientation, but because it has nothing to do with the plot or his character. Toward the end of the movie he shows up as a prostitute in drag to sneak into a mobster's house but that still doesn't explain why they made a point of showing him to be gay. Is it to show that intelligent FBI agents can be gay? We already know that. It was an unnecessary plot point is all.

Having Billy Connolly as the violent 'da' of the boys was also confusing and unnecessary, as the first time he finds the boys they have a shootout where each are injured - what was the point of that?

The language was also rough and unnecessary. These are supposed to be very intelligent and religious men. But this movie is far from the top when it comes to language - on a list of movies with multiple 'F' bombs, this movie has more than The Devil's Rejects, less than Pulp Fiction, more than Platoon (another Dafoe movie), and less than Goodfellas.

I guess I'm just not crushing on the brothers McManus.