OKAY, OKAY, I'LL TRY THIS GAME OF THRONES SHOW - BRING IT ON. UMMM WAIT, ALL THE GUYS LOOK A LITTLE PUNY - THEY'RE FIGHTING WITH FOAM SWORDS... IN BLUE JEANS AND HOMEMADE COSTUMES... OH DEAR GOD THIS IS A LARP MOVIE!!!






Knights Of Badassdom (2013)

The Pacific Northwest is truly a beautiful place to live. To hear some describe it, it's a cold place of nothing but rain. That's 'cause you don't live here, jerks. It's green, it's beautiful, we have everything from mountains to ski on, rivers to windsurf, and other rivers great for kayaking. We have lots of parks and the trails are so popular, the rescue teams have a really busy season rescuing people who come in from the city and think they can get up a steep mountain just because their StairMaster at home said so (I, of course, do none of those things).


We don't have hurricanes or tornadoes (well, a small funnel or two has been spotted), no earthquakes (maybe a rumble every umpteen years or so) and Mount Saint Helens? Psssh, she's gotten over her lady troubles and hasn't spewed ash since 2008. So we don't mind getting a bit wet now and then.

Hmm? The movie? Sigh, okay if we must. Yes I knew this was a LARP movie - and yes I know what a LARP is, I used to know people who talked to me who were seriously into this kind of thing. Used to. Anywho, I saw the name Peter Dinklage and although I've never seen an episode of Game Of Thrones or read any of the books (It's on HBO which I don't get, and books aren't my friends lately...) I thought this might be good for a larph... umm I mean laugh.


I expected awful and in terms of story and stuff I wasn't disappointed. I was, however, surprised that this movie was not detestable. Although I wanted to hate it for being filmed in Spokane, Washington, I actually kind of enjoyed it. It is silly, it is lacking in clear direction, and those who actually participate in LARP activities may hate it. I laughed a bit, shrugged and took notes.

It was directed by Joe Lynch but don't mention that to him or he'll probably punch you in the face. Apparently things weren't hunky dory in his little kingdom. Pffft. We have three friends who live in one house owned by Eric who's an 'accidental millionaire' (no, they don't explain that) and their house is shaped like a castle, the interior, more of the same. These grown men have been LARPing for years and aren't going to quit anytime soon. Well, at least not for the next 85 minutes.



Now you have to know that this movie, although released in 2013, was actually shot in 2010 so it's been out in the stratosphere for a while. It is interesting to note, however, that the main characters were made to 'train' in the ways of the Force... oops, sorry, the ways of the LARP... no? THEY HAD TO SPEND A DAY PRETENDING THEY WERE REAL MEDIEVAL LARP CHARACTERS IN ORDER TO TRAIN FOR THE MOVIE, OKAY? Wanna guess who the best of them was?


Yup, they said the one who had the best style was Peter Dinklage. So he had a solid resume to continue his career in Game Of Thrones.

So we have the 'millionaire' and full-on nutjob Eric (Steve Zahn) who's frustrated that he's only a 26th level wizard and the 'gamemaster' won't let him advance, Hung (Peter Dinklage) who is well versed with a blade (and the ladies), and Joe (Ryan Kwanten, an Australian actor who starred in True Blood). Of the three it is Joe who is trying to extricate himself from the fantasy and stick to gritty reality - he's a grease monkey, has a girlfriend - whoops, she dumped him, never mind - and his convenient doom metal band (who we never see). Sigh.

Getting, uh, very mellow with his friends, he wakes to find that he is at a LARP gathering and there the movie kind of stalls. Eric brings with him a mystical book he bought on eBay that he uses as a spell book - and finds out it really IS a spell book. With it, he unknowingly raises a succubus. Sigh.


Lame lines that rip off good movie quips plus a lot of bad acting follow ("Excuse me while I whipeth this out.", "There's a fungus among us.") and each group has their own name. They are... uh... do I have to do this? Sigh...


Freakend Warriors
The Medieval Kenevils
Gnomeland Security
Fair-Leather Friends
The Norse Whisperers

I'm beginning to see why Joe Lynch would like to pretend this movie didn't exist.

This is one of those movies I had to watch twice because during my super-funk I watched it, took notes and promptly lost them so let me break down the rest of the movie for you:

The succubus, because Joe had a picture of his ex on him when she was summoned, of course looks exactly like her. She reeks. Uh, I mean she wreaks. Havoc. The first to go (dammit) is Hung, whose heart she shoves through his back and has a hard time trying to get it out through the front again. Ummm, I guess they wanted to really exercise that special effects budget. 

Eric, is told by the 'gamemaster' (Jimmi Simpson) that his book is genuine and written in Enochian...

Okay, don't whine, this will be a short lesson. This has nothing to do with Enoch or The Books of Enoch which are usually accepted as having some historical or theological interest or significance, but they generally regard the Books of Enoch as non-canonical or non-inspired of God. 2 Timothy 3:16, "All Scripture is inspired of God and beneficial for teaching, for reproving, for setting things straight, for disciplining in righteousness."

Enochian is a name often applied to an occult or angelic language recorded in the private journals of John Dee and his colleague Edward Kelley in late 16th-century England. Kelley was a spirit medium who worked with Dee in his magical investigations. The men claimed that the language was revealed to them by angels. The language is integral to the practice of Enochian magic.

So. If you have half a brain you know that the words "magic" and "angels" shouldn't even be sharing the same sentence, much less have one be attributed to another, right?

The 'spell' must be sung for whatever reason. People start dying right and left when Eric bungles the spell and actually transforms the succubus into full-on demon form (see previous paragraph). He tries but she turns the book to ashes. Only some stone which was embedded in the spine of the book remains - it apparently being the source of the book's (yaaaaaawn... sorry) power. But there's no spell. Well, I guess it's doom metal to the rescue...

The song is decent, because it was performed by Brendan McCreary - check it out, it's not half bad. So Joe, the non-believer, grabs the stone and his very short, uh, foam stick and "sings" this doom metal song (that he *ahem* wrote with his band) and the stone shoots rays into the demon - plus it summons the dead Hung who did some fancy sword work until the beast ends up a steaming pile on the ground. Yeah. I guess we're through now.

Meh.

                        

AN INTERESTING ADDITION TO NETFLIX THAT MAY CATCH YOUR INTEREST

Flesh For The Beast: Tsukiko's Curse (TV Miniseries 2013)

Well despite the fact that nothing is working for me right now, I'm awake so I might as well let you in on an interesting short series currently running on Netflix. I first heard of this when it was a movie - the preview for it looked good but I could never find it. The preview was also one of many included on my Zombie Ass: Toilet Of The Dead DVD so I really thought it might be interesting.


The basic premise is a parapsychology team of a male skeptic (Patrick Smith) and a female believer (Charlotte Pines) who accept Tsukiko (Maho Honda) into their little group to kind of play a paranormal style of Scooby Doo type mysteries. I've just watched the first one - interesting, not terrific, but interesting.

The first episode involved the little-known practice of post-mortem weddings. That's right folks, some people want to marry dead people. It happens. I shit you not.

Oh and my droogies I apologize for the third person blog entry from yesterday. Apparently I had my dictation equipment on 'smug bitch' mode and, well, you know.

Sorry this is short and sweet but the better I get things together, the better blogs I can put here. Thank you all so much for the continuing rise in readership - that's just way too cool for words.

UPDATE: After watching all seven shows, this promising looking series just sunk into a pit of diarrhea, murder, devil worship, anything anyone would consider offensive. It then left the viewer hanging with unanswered questions, missing characters (Charlotte Pines), and *SPOILER* the main character (Patrick Smith) getting the 'taffy pull' treatment and dying, while Tsukiko (Maho Honda) just skips merrily through a park.

Meh.

                        

MISS MURDER'S REPORTED DEMISE HAS BEEN A BIT PREMATURE BUT SHE AT LEAST SHE JOINS QUITE A SELECT PARTY...






Yes, The Horror Movie Shaming Is Continuing...

Hello, hello, hello my droogies! Yes, faithful ones, Miss Murder realizes that the new year has a whole two weeks used up (or three, she don't count so good) without a single horrible movie review. 

Now Miss Murder could go into paragraph after paragraph of what's been going on with her health, but since you are faithful droogies, you already know. Miss Murder has basically been somewhat of a potato gone rotten lately. And no, that is not a Val Kilmer joke, although it could very easily be.

Let's just say she won't be
doing this anytime soon...

Let's just say, even though Miss Murder said she would not go on about her health, these past few weeks have seen her worse than usual, to the point where her faithful hubby has had to wheel her drooling, disgusting self between the bed and the computer so that at least she would have some material for future posts, even if she hasn't finished the ones she's been promising for weeks.

Oh droogies - the movies she's seen! Including one that insults you (the main character talks to you like you're scum for watching him) and uses the phrase 'oh my brothers' waaaay too much which is what got Miss Murder into her Clockwork Orange mood.

Now if you find some words in this particular column that don't sound like real words, it is because Miss Murder is back to using her wonderful dictation program. Things have gotten so bad that apparently that she had to retrain the program to recognize her voice as apparently her voice had changed. And not for the better, dear droogies. So. What HAS Miss Murder been doing?

Wait a minute... that guy on the right
looks familiar... ah hell,
he's a regular on the SyFy show Haven!

Well, young ones, besides working on the promised Kane/Jacob Goodnight/Soska sisters saga, she has once again strayed from the Netflix fold because it seems that their horror selection has been a little stale lately. 

Although when looking up the "WWE" site to read up on the background of the wrestler "Kane" Miss Murder "laughed" so "hard" she couldn't "continue" (don't worry Weird Al, these are not quotations for emphasis, it's just that so much of their drama is "staged" they have to use "quotations" in place of saying wink-wink-nudge-nudge-say-no-more when they're mixing fiction with rea - I mean manly gymnastics.)

Now Miss Murder is not saying Netflix doesn't have lots of horrorfilms (Since when is that one word - damned dictation program - oh well, that's kind of horrorshow, right droogies?), but it gets pretty bad when she can index them from A-Z, and at a glance see what she has seen, what she has not seen, and what she does not want to see.

Unfortunately, this isn't John Dies At The End...

She's not going to say exactly where she's been watching most of her movies (*cough* Hulu *cough*) but she's been surprised to find some not so typically awful horror, and some movies even worth reviews of their own. Now, apparently, some places have quite a catalog of horror movies and surprisingly there's not a lot of 'doubling' comparing their lists to Netflix.

This particular place seems to have a lot of Gravitas Ventures, which scream cheap and sleazy and worthy of a review once in a while.

Not quite this bad, but you
get the pic - oh no wait, no you don't...

And most of them are available free without subscribing. This isn't a suggestion, just an observation. You can forget about the other frigging worthless service (*cough* Crackle *cough* *cough*) that has commercials that stream perfectly, but movies you develop a stutter after watching because the streaming sucks rocks.

But she has seen her share of interesting movies. She's actually seen an abandoned asylum movie with a slightly different ending, total pieces of garbage that she was able to grab a nugget or two of gold from, and a quote or two.

Am I?

So far her favorite quote has been when a man who was old enough to know better was confronted with the ghost of Charlie Manson's daughter. He said, "Manson? The singer? I thought he was gay."

She's also seen the much anticipated (for whatever reason) Annabelle - and all she can say right now is HOLY CRAP! HOW DID YOU EXPECT AN INNOCENT BABY TO SLEEP WITH THAT DEMONIC PIECE OF CERAMIC HELL YOU ACTUALLY 'SEARCHED' FOR JUST TO PUT ON HER SHELF? Seriously, somebody needed to call Social Services on those idiots.

Oh, and the movie sucked too.

Corey Feldman wasn't one of them...

So she has a whole lot of movies that she has made notes on tape for, most of them, terrible. One was almost watchable, and 'paranormal' wasn't even part of it. One. Movie. How sad is that? And do you know how many movies she was suckered into watching because the top billed star was someone she wanted to see... only to discover they are in the movie somewhere between two and ten minutes before they're killed off or just collect their check and go home.

Don't get excited, this is the only
movement in the entire movie...

Of course, there were a few surprises and actually a movie or two in the huge messy bundle that she has been watching in stutters that might be worth a peek. Please be patient and she will get things up to speed just as soon as she is able.

Miss Murder now needs to wipe the drool from her chin. Where is that hubby?

                        

WELCOME TO 2015 AND MISS MURDER HOPES YOU GET SOME SLEEP...




FINDING GREAT SONGS IN HORRIBLE MOVIES

This will be short 'cause hey, it's almost one in the morning here (PST) and my brain gets stuck in one gear unless I grind it out so here's a short on how awful movies can get some pretty awesome songs.

I'm not going to tell you the movies that the songs are from - if you can guess them without Googling it, great. If you need to Google them just remember - that still doesn't mean you have to watch the movie, 'kay?

All right, here are some (I think) pretty cool songs from some pretty lame movies for you night owls out there:

'Bad Karma' by Ida Maria

'Desolation Row' (Bob Dylan cover) by My Chemical Romance

'Semi Precious Weapons' by Semi Precious Weapons

'Everybody Wants To Rule The World (Tears For Fears Cover) by Lorde

'Roads' by Portishead

Good night and have an aspirin-filled tomorrow...

                        

END OF THE YEAR HORROR MOVIE REVIEW CLEARANCE... PART ONE BILLION - IF YOU DIDN'T READ ALL THE ENTRIES MISS MURDER MADE IN BETWEEN, YOU REALLY MISSED OUT...


END OF THE YEAR AND END OF BAD MOVIES (OKAY???)

Pffft... yeah, I wish. Miss Murder here to sign off for the year 2014 and all it's glory and tragedy. Aaaand a bit of a pause while she cleans up all the hot miso soup she's just spilled all over the table, her lap, and the floor. Huh. 

Somehow wrapping up the first degree burns and chasing after the cats who are trying to get away with pieces of seaweed makes her wanna laugh, so either she's completely lost her mind, or her sense of humor is just as warped as when this blog started.

As most of you probably noticed, the output of movie reviews has been lacking for the year 2014, but hopefully with a fresh year, and some good movies that have been promised to be released for early 2015 (pfft), that will change. But for those of you familiar with Miss Murder's... situation, you know that each day may bring a different movie or a different excuse, depending.

But to end the year, let's address a few things that keep popping up for a little clarification into Miss Murder's mind - the part that isn't soaking in Miso right now, anyway.

WHY HORROR FILMS? WHY NOT ALL FILMS? This question is asked a lot and the answer is always the same: Miss Murder would much rather laugh at a ridiculous slaughter scene that has massive technical faults, than sit like a stone through a movie where Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston (Just picking two names here - this is not a real movie.) bicker and whine at each other just to realize at the end that they can't live without each other, and you just spent $20 to watch it. 

Horror can be watched in the theater of course, but it's more fun on the computer screen, where bits and pieces can be picked out of the worst of the worst because in all the garbage, you can find nuggets of genius. Like this comment on all hand-held found footage films in the clip above - this almost put Miss Murder in the hospital - old people are more inclined to get hernias from this kind of thing you know...

And while Miss Murder's view of the supernatural is her own and not open to discussion (it's also not the point), again even in the worst horror movies, nuggets of truth and lots of comedy can be found. It's rare to find any legitimate social commentary in a rom-com or (ick) some comic book character movie where there are one, two or all the damned guys (and girls) in tights fighting. They're too busy making things blow up to really talk about anything anyway.

And science fiction? Please. To make it even remotely interesting anymore (and I'm talking movies, not TV series) they have to either infuse it with a lot of gore or a lot of laughs to get people interested in plopping down $20 or more (if it's 3D) to watch the dumb thing. Really. Did you really think it was worth the money to watch them completely deconstruct Star Trek so they could make a ton of money off the same characters while totally destroying what Gene Roddenberry created? Really?

So maybe horror laughs can be cheap and silly and the gore as real as... well, not real at all. Recently Miss Murder saw a movie where a guy's arm was "ripped off" and what was left... was clearly PVC pipe with a bit of red gunk spurting out of it. I swear, if the camera was any closer, you'd have seen a serial number on that pipe. THAT is why horror is funny, worth Miss Murder's time and, when she can, the energy to plop down a review or two.

This is just random - and funny...

So here's to a new year of hopefully ingenious and original ideas shot with steady cameras and not featuring children scared out of their wits or in danger of dying - then trying to keep other kids from watching those movies. Let's have real scares, not CGI splatter that doesn't quite hit the ground, body parts that look like they came out of a Wal Mart clearance bin, and directors that think that their shaky camera shots are totally different and better than other director's shaky camera shots...

Sorry, not keeping on topic today...

So take it easy everyone, hold your loved ones close because tragedy has taken a lot from others this year, hell, this MONTH, and remember, Miss Murder is just somebody who loves to bitch about movies. Your results may vary.

And now ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Con.... aw darn it, did that one last time. Here's Stewie and his European See and Say...

SHAZOO!!!

                        

END OF THE YEAR HORROR MOVIE REVIEW CLEARANCE... PART ONE: MAKING SOMETHING OUT OF NOTHING AT ALL



Seinfeld

Seinfeld was a pretty funny TV series but I never watched it... wait a minute. No, no, no, that's not what I was going to review, dammit...

Don't Blink aka Last Stop (2014)

Okay, now we're... pretty screwed 'cause this movie was just awful. And I wanted to like it really, really badly because Zack Ward and Joanne Kelly were in it. Screw Brian Austin Greene - what was he famous for? Oh yeah, marrying Megan Fox. Hmm? He was in what series? Never saw it, sorry.

Soooo... (Starts to sing to the tune of The Brady Bunch - aren't you glad you can't hear it?) Here's the story... of ten rich douchebags... who are going to a mountain top resort... all of them have big issues... with each other... oh wait here's Zack Ward...

I'll spare you the rest of that song. How many readers did I lose with just that one paragraph? Hello? Wow.


Brief synopsis and a good reason NOT to watch this movie: Ten people arrive at a secluded mountain resort to find it completely deserted. With no gas for the return trip, the visitors are forced to stay and investigate the mystery surrounding the abandoned lodge. That's it. There ain't no more and if you're looking for logic or even an illogical damned answer you ain't gonna find one here.

I passed this movie over a dozen times until the name Zack Ward got my attention (one of my fave character actors) and then I saw Joanne Kelly. Mena Suvari gets top billing but I had no idea who she was, sorry. About the only thing I think I've seen her in was her brief role as Elizabeth Short (The Black Dahlia) in the first season of American Horror Story: Murder House. Meh.

And what happened to the benefits of satellite TV? They used to be so cool. When we first got DirecTV it was Chiller, SyFy, and Fuse - which actually played MUSIC VIDEOS. REALLY. MUSIC CAME OUT OF THAT CHANNEL, I SAW IT.

Now? Meh. Chiller is the home of serials played over and over (Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Ripley's Believe It Or Not, etc. ad nauseam) and a movie everyone's seen at least a dozen times on Friday nights. Fuse... no music. Lots of people screaming at each other, but no music. SyFy? Original programming... sharks flying in the air, through the snow, underground... hey, anywhere there is on God's green earth, Syfy can stick a shark there. They use to have great stuff - Sanctuary, Warehouse 13, Haven. 


Those great shows were inventive. Buuut, you show something for too long and you see patterns. Sanctuary (with cool actors like Robin Dunne and Ryan Robbins) was a great premise with the neat idea of having almost all their sets green screened to keep costs (and waste) low. A Canadian import, it was still pretty cool until you got the weekly message: A 'subhuman' (one whose genes were changed by some splicing) gets into trouble, the Sanctuary team (who houses those with nowhere to go) tries to rescue them, they get into awful trouble and are about to die but tada! 

Dr. Helen Magnus (who's over 100 years old - give me some of that!) would find a solution with her team and all would reset for the next week. Oh, and we got to see the many talents (and characters) of Christopher Heyerdahl too - he got to play a monster (so to speak) in several guises.


Haven was formed after Stephen King's novel The Colorado Kid - it was the basic love triangle - a blonde comes to Maine thinking she's an FBI agent, kind of falls in love with two different kind of guys, and finds out she's not who she thinks she is - in fact, she doesn't know who she is at all. I loved this show but again, patterns - each week the three would find a different 'trouble' (the name they gave for people with special abilities that almost invariably screwed things up), the two different guys would hate/like each other and vie for the girl and we reset for the next week. 

They tried to keep a storyline going but that gets kind of tough when you're spreading a novel over seasons worth of episodes. Again, it was a Canadian import (Maine is close enough, right?) but we got to watch Eric Balfour and that was good enough for me.


Warehouse 13. Ah, there was a super cool series (supposedly in South Dakota but actually another series from Canada).. until, you know. A super-secret government place that bends space (the outside is a regular warehouse, the inside is like a city) and two agents are picked to go out and find 'objects' that do special things (usually those that belonged to famous people) and bring them to the safety of the warehouse. Aaaand the pattern was set. I still loved that show - we had CCH Pounder, Saul Rubinek, Eddie McClintock, and the know-it-all Myka played by Joanne Kelly. 

Now what was my point? Did I have... oh yeah, Joanne. She was sexy AND smart and played off her fellow characters very well so since this movie was obviously a 'gather 'em up and waste 'em one by one' movie I passed UNTIL I saw that name. Oh and Zack too. And despite the two of them being Canadian (actually Joanne just lives in Canada), the film was actually shot in New Mexico.

I looked up Don't Blink and got hit with a billion Doctor Who references - sorry kids, never watched the thing (love David Tennant though) so I don't know what that's about, but the other title for this movie is Last Stop - which is the name of another movie made in 2000 with Rose McGowan and Jurgen Prochnow so I guess they were kind of stuck one way or another...

I tried to wiki Don't Blink and got some damned country song so... screw it. This is what happens...

We have ten people, supposedly friends, going to a mountain retreat. It is so far up that you have to gas up just to make it there. Your tank's empty when you get there, so the retreat has its own gas station. 'Kay. They chug and hope to make it to the resort. Hmm, ten people, I'm already thinking Agatha Christie but not near as smart...


These ten people are the kind of friends that you know that a couple of them really know each other and the rest are just kind of tagging along. When they all arrive they can't find anyone in the ridiculously resplendent lodge - no one is at the desk, the tables all have food on them but no one is eating and clothes and makeup are in the rooms but again, no people.

So following movie logic, even though nobody has cell service, they decide to split up and find out if anyone's out there somewhere. Because people aren't going to start disappearing unless they do movie duh stuff so here we go... who goes first? 

One finds that although the food is cold, the stove was left on. Inside the cabinet under the sink is a scrawled 'help me' which he doesn't see - which makes what kind of sense? Why would someone put it there - the cabinet is under the freaking sink and was full so it's not like anyone was hiding under there. But if that kind of duh is going to put you off you might as well stop watching...

The cabins (which are five times the size as the house I live in) have stuff but no people. The Zack and Joanne (Why do they always make this beautiful woman look like a train wreck?) characters go for a hike to find something, anything. While it's too hot at the lodge, the nearby lake has frozen solid, fast enough to trap a small boat (no one in it) and there isn't an animal, bird, or insect anywhere around.

Grouping back together, Brian Austin Green's girlfriend just vanishes while the group's talking (I think it's the Mena woman but I just don't care). They take off to look for her, a guy vanishes. They decide (massive duh) to be in one room at the lodge where they can watch each other.

Now you see her...

After a few more disappearances, two take off in a car but get only to the end of the driveway before the driver disappears, the passenger now a mumbling wreck. They also find that the temperature has dropped 50 degrees within hours, meaning the too-hot weather at the lodge has now turned to a lodge covered in snow. And they now know they were never going to leave.

...now you don't.

They're down to three when there's a knock on the door - it's the first guy to have disappeared. He claims to have fallen in a ditch and doesn't remember what happened. Now we're up to four but down to ten minutes. But Zack's character isn't taking any chances...

Person after person disappears and we're eager for them all to leave 'cause then the movie's over, right? We are down to Joanne Kelly and Brian Austin Green who are staring at themselves in a mirror in the dark with candles. The effect of Brian "disappearing" kind of gets spoiled since he is clearly just falling backward into the dark - double duh.


Tons of emergency vehicles (and two men in black, one being a 15 second role by Robert Picard) show up to do a 'quick sweep' of the place as Joanne, sole survivor (and mad as hell at her agent I bet) is given the magic blanket (see my horror movie worksheet - whoops, sorry, haven't printed that out yet) and put in the back of a police car. They hustle around until...

Joanne covers her eyes and thinks about what Zack said, 'Anything we do or are gets erased.'



A sudden silence surrounds her. She looks up - tons of emergency vehicles, not a single person around...

Let's hope this was world-wide or else they're gonna try for some sort of sequel - The Douchebags Come Back.



                        

END OF THE YEAR HORROR MOVIE REVIEW CLEARANCE... NOW WITH MORE VIDEOS!

Miss Murder Gets Smarter As Movies Get Dumber

Well my loyal friends, another year is getting ready to bite the dust. I thought back on this year, realizing I'd done a whole lot less reviewing - and a whole lot more jabbering about the movies I managed to do. BUT 2014 was good as far as Miss Murder learning new things - there are now better pictures ('cause Miss Murder picks most out herself, instead of using Google pictures) and YES, she can make videos! She hasn't learned how to make video compilations, which would be fun, but some of the videos are pretty freaking funny...

Yes I'm still on planet Earth and yes I will continue to do movie reviews - in fact, I thought I'd go through a bunch of movies that I'd seen that really don't deserve a review or even much of a mention - maybe a joke or two, but that's about it.

I doubt they even knew what this meant...

And 'cause of the health issues I've pared my electronic presence even further - I'd already dumped my Facebook horror page, and cleared out my Timeline, but I had kept up with putting ads on my Timeline for my, ahem, 'friends' to see and to read my stuff. The only time I think they ever got attention was if I said something another person thought was funny (one in a hundred maybe), or if I included 'Wado' in the ad poster (Cherokee for 'thank you') and the one person who knew Cherokee happened to see it (again, maybe one in a hundred). 

So... no one cared or looked at it or probably even got it since I didn't pay the required minimum $5 per day for it to be on their pages. I've only got 31 followers on my Google + page, but freaking hell, I've spent exactly ZERO dollars and I've gotten almost 2.5 MILLION views of my page. So pucker up and KISS MY ASS Zuckerberg!

I changed my Facebook personal icon to a stick figure I drew on MS Paint and within an hour I got a complaint in my private message box: Get rid of the stick figure and put Rob back in there (my icon is Rob Mayes in case you wondered) "because you're ugly".

I dumped that person immediately and continued with cleaning out the stupid account, when again within minutes I got a friend request from the same person and an IM asking "Whaaaaat? Why did you dump me, what did I do?" I said 'don't call me ugly'. She professed she didn't really know what she was saying because she's Spanish and she just thought Rob Mayes was beautiful. Uh huh. That's the most attention I've received from anyone all year. And I don't even freaking know her.

How many supposed friends, acquaintances or relatives have shown any support or contacted me, good or bad? NADA. NUNCA. ไม่. NUL. никто. KEINER.

Facebook is a waste of time. If you want a news stream that's all on one page, that's about all it's good for.

So hopefully we'll have more good stuff on this blog, I'm hoping to learn more about drawing (I DO have decent programs, both for anime' and the program Poser 10 - I'm confused but trying) and I also hope to learn more about combining videos and hey, maybe even start my own YouTube channel to add to the billions of other boring people who insist of sharing their opinions about stuff - but until then... Ladies And Gentlemen, Mr. Conway Twitty...