WHAT IN THE BLOODY BLAZES DID I JUST WATCH?




The ABC's Of Death (2012) US/New Zealand

Originality in horror is incredibly hard to come by. Maybe that's why I thought I'd try this - the movie is basically a collection of 26 directors, each given a letter of the alphabet and allowed to do whatever short story they want. The results are - uneven but there are some really good moments and some really awful moments. 




Although there are some humorous shorts (including claymation and cartoon or cartoonish shorts) this is NOT for children. This is about death after all, and in some cases truly twisted and grisly. It is said they chose 25 directors and had a contest to pick who would be the 26th. That was the director of the claymation sequence.


They also do something that's a big no-no: They promise a sequel. That almost NEVER works but good luck to them. You will see anything from farting Japanese school girls (no I am NOT kidding) to a fight between a man and a dog that actually has a - well not a happy ending but a surprising one. 

Yes there are light moments - Adam Wingard, a director who has done films (well parts of them anyway) such as V/H/S stars in his own sequence, bitterly complaining that he got the letter 'Q' and feels it shows disrespect. 

There is toilet humor in abundance for those into that sort of thing. And lots and lots of gore. I don't know if they had budget constraints, but some obviously spent a whole lot more than others.

Oh and for my friends and their particular... umm... fears, yes, there are spiders and zombie clowns. Just letting you know.

It would take forever and make a short story unto itself if I attempted to explain each letter, so I'm just going to list them and the titles they represent (in the movie you don't get the title until the end of the movie so this may be a bit of a spoiler):

• A is for Apocolypse
• B is for Bigfoot
• C is for Cycle
• D is for Dogfight
• E is for Exterminate
• F is for Fart
• G is for Gravity
• H is for Hydro-electric Diffusion
• I is for Ingrown
• J is for Jidai-Geki (Samurai Movie)
• K is for Klutz
• L is for Libido
• M is for Miscarriage
• N is for Nupitals
• O is for Orgasm
• P is for Pressure
• Q is for Quack
• R is for Removed
• S is for Speed
• T is for Toilet
• U is for Unearthed
• V is for Vagitus (The cry of an infant)
• W is for WTF! (I am NOT kidding)
• X is for XXL
• Y is for Youngbuck
• Z is for Zetsumetsu (Extinction)

Watch with caution, watch with no expectations, and watch knowing you don't have to see the sequel (assuming there will be one) if you don't want to.

Japanese school girls (and trying to decipher Korean translations) are starting to look pretty good right now.

WE INTERRUPT OUR EASTERN GIRLS IN SHORT SKIRTS MINI-MARATHON FOR...





Silent Hill (2006) / Silent Hill: Revelation 3D (2012) Canada/France


I've been having a bit of fun with Eastern culture, especially in the way they take farce and blow it up to something that would NOT be tried in our button-down frowny face society (and we thought WE were the enlightened ones) and Manga that makes its way to the silver screen. But Westerners have their little tricks too, and one seems to be taking video games and making movies (some extremely successful) out of them (or vice versa). 

One example off the top of my head is, of course, the 'Hi my name is Alice. I work for the Umbrella Corporation.' game/movie series Resident Evil. Silent Hill is another one. Maybe not wildly successful (movies), but I think pretty respectable. At least there are more versions of the Silent Hill video game than there are movies (eight that I know of).

THIS is what I call a video game...

Now I don't claim to be a great movie reviewer. I've just seen enough good (and incredibly bad) movies to know some of what to look for and what is great to make fun of. But I'm just as good at finding a good movie and not realizing it - and passing it off for a boring hour and a half on my television set. Wrong, wrong wrong. I had watched Silent Hill some time ago and despite it having a favorite female lead (Radha Mitchell) of mine, about all I remembered is some chick trying to find her whiny daughter in a town of ash for some reason. Duh to me.

They pushed Silent Hill: Revelation 3D pretty hard if I remember right. And I thought 'But the first one was so boooring.' Pffft. Obviously I had watched it in one of my fugues and hadn't paid much attention to it so I decided to find it again online and really pay attention this time. Huh, that was a lot of fun, NOT. Netflix had the second but not the first - and finding it was not easy. If you've had a similar experience with these 'free' streaming services you realize that 1. They're not free and 2. Even if they say they have the movie, they probably don't. AND if they want a credit card right away even if they promise they're not going to charge you STAY AWAY. There are plenty of sites where you can just watch the damn things without a fuss, you just have to look around a little.

I did and I found it - no close captioning but I've found that (so far) only Netflix seems to have that option. So I turned the volume up and payed attention this time. I'd forgotten that this film also includes Laurie Holden in a substantial role (we all knew and loved her as 'Andrea' on The Walking Dead) and Sean Bean as the frazzled father looking for his wife and daughter, not knowing that the whole time he's pretty much walking right past them (I'll explain that) and HE DOES NOT DIE. 

This is a small giggle or SALTS because if Sean Bean is known for anything (besides being extremely handsome, a member of the original Fellowship in the Lord Of The Rings trilogy, and star or co-star of many films), is that he's repeatedly killed off in whatever he's in.


Silent Hill: So we have a mother Rose (Radha Mitchell) and troubled little girl Sharon (wonderfully played by Jodelle Ferland). They had adopted her with no problems, but lately she's been sleepwalking (and sleep drawing it seems) and the constant theme seems to be what she calls 'Silent Hill'. One night when her mother finds her at the edge of a cliff in her sleep (Okay who the hell lives near a steep cliff with no guard rail? Pffft. Oh, wait, I used to.) she has had enough and decides to try and find Silent Hill. 

Her 'suspicious' actions and the obvious distress of her daughter attracts the attention of a motorcycle cop, Cybil (Laurie Holden) who begins to follow them. Her husband Christopher (Sean Bean) tries by phone to dissuade her but to the movie's credit this isn't a 'I'm gonna do what I want screw you.' type of thing. They love each other, but she is convinced the only way to get Sharon's nightmares to go away is to find out what the heck they're about in the first place.

Racing to elude Cybil who is now trying to stop them, they both crash their vehicles in movie duh style. All three lose consciousness. When Rose wakes, Sharon is gone, she is at the edge of Silent Hill, and a fine ash falls, blanketing everything like snow. Unless you've been by a huge fire, you don't know how claustrophobic that can be. We live near enough to St. Helens that when it blew, we were not in danger, but we had a constant coating of ash fall when it initially erupted, and each time it 'hiccuped' afterward. My high school class is probably unique in that we had our Homecoming Parade interrupted because of blinding ash. It can be frightening and also extremely dirty.

Anywho, Cybil, who also had been knocked out catches up and both try to find Sharon. Silent Hill is an abandoned mining town (Aw man, a whole TOWN? Think of how many teenage slasher movies you could make THERE.) that became unlivable after an underground explosion caused a constant burn underground (and hence all the ash).

Ah but there has to be the supernatural element, doesn't there? Here is where the movie makers tried really hard to make it like the video game, or at least like the vision they had for it, but that kind of thing would have taken tons of money that they had but not enough of. So we get a 'feel' of a whole underground 'people', misshapen, some literally on fire - quite a complex bit of imagery and pretty impressive, even if they didn't get to do everything they wanted to. And it turns out the town isn't abandoned completely - it is inhabited by a nasty cult who are, to make it simple, witch hunters - and that's what doomed them in the first place. 

Back when the place was just a mining town, a red headed woman named Christabella (Alice Krige) led a doomsday cult that ferreted out the wicked to burn them... but not just on a stake - they had a sacred symbol they built a fire on (inside the church no less) and putting the victim on a tall ladder and lowering them slowly onto the fire. Nice people.

The last person they did this to was a young girl - any guess who it was? Okay her name was Alessa who was targeted for being a bastard (that's the child-without-a-father kind) which apparently gave them an excuse to charge her with being a witch (they've been doing that for a long time apparently) - but when they burned her, the symbol she was burning on broke and she lived. Umm, what? That's probably where I lost interest the first time. 

But that was a shame because this turns into a genuine freaky deaky kind of fun movie with monsters, twists and great special effects. See Alessa, burnt but alive, was taken to the hospital where her hate grew until it became an entity in itself. The last goodness in her became a baby - who was dropped off at an orphanage. Okay that makes no sense whatsoever but that's why they call it fantasy so shut up.

Meanwhile back at the farm - uh, back with the husband - Christopher manages to get the local police involved in trying to find his family. They're mostly helping him because they're missing a police officer though - they don't really care about him or why he's there. Typical. The main officer, Thomas, is played by Kim Coates, another fave character who just oozes sleaze when he plays a bad guy. He's really terrific. 

Although the police don't admit it, they've got a pretty good idea of what happened, most having had either lived in the town before it was abandoned or had relatives who did. Since they're not real helpful, Christopher helps himself to the records in the nearby orphanage where Sharon came from and sees that, somehow, their little girl should be over 40 years old. I should look that good.

But of course Sharon is the 'baby' spawned by Alessa - the last good part of her left. And Rose and Cybil have to find her before Alessa, uh, what's Alessa going to do with her exactly? That part I was foggy on but that's not surprising. So Cybil sacrifices herself and Rose goes down down down into the nightmare of the people that time forgot. No, wait, people that got exactly what they deserved. Great, great special effects keep your interest as we basically have a chase scene that goes for a while.

I could explain the ending but I'd probably muck it up 'cause even if the movie makers were forced to take a truly grand idea of an ending and smush it down into what they could afford it's a great one. But I can tell you Rose and Sharon drive out of Silent Hill - but should have been tipped off that things were not all right because the ash still fell - all the way home. When they get there, the house is empty but Rose can feel that Christopher is there. He is. In the 'real' world'. They show that while both occupy the same space it is in different realities as where Rose is, ash falls but with Christopher, it is raining. A bittersweet ending.

Silent Hill: Revelation 3D: This is currently streaming on Netflix and I do recommend it - but it was not as satisfying as the first one (are they ever?) although they ramped up the special effects and I suppose the 3D element was supposed to make it more 'special' although seeing it I didn't see a whole lot of shots where it would have been worth the extra price. Eh, it always gives me a headache anyway.

We start with Christopher and Sharon. Immediately (especially if you've just watched the first one) there's a WTH element - Rose and Sharon were stuck, right? So they've got some 'splaining to do before the action can really begin. It's a hurried one and not that great. 

Christopher has told Sharon (who should have been played by the original actress, since she's 18 and beautiful it would have been perfect) that her mother died in a car crash and he killed a man in self-defense and so both are on the run with new identities - Harry and Heather Mason. He hasn't told her the truth, that her mother is alive but the remaining psychos from Silent Hill are after her because of her affiliation with Alessa, the evil that keeps them trapped (damned, doomed, whatever) in the ash covered town. 

So in hurry-and-tell-a-lot-really-fast style we find that Rose somehow had gotten half of a talisman called the Seal of Metatron. Who? Metatron is an archangel in Judaism. According to Jewish medieval apocryphal beliefs, he is Enoch, ancestor of Noah, transformed into an angel. What does that have to do with Silent Hill? Not a damned thing. Shut up.

Anywho, she only had half so only one of them could 'go back' to the real world (?!?) and she sent Sharon. But Sharon/Heather is still having nightmares - now not only does she dream of the town but a carnival (What is it about carnivals that are so creepy all by themselves? They don't even have to be haunted or damned, they're just creepy.) full of unspeakable things.

So the Masons are in a new town and she's in a new school - again. When the other teenagers begin their heckling she beats them to it and tells all of them off (I WISH I could have done that when I was in school) so that they will leave her alone. She meets fellow new student Vincent and they become friendly. But of course Vincent is from Silent Hill, instructed to find and bring her there. Yeah I know, I know, how come they can cross over so easily and cross back but Rose and Sharon couldn't? Shut up.

So despite Christopher/Harry's best laid plans as a promise to Rose, Sharon/Heather is caught and now in Silent Hill. We still have the town but they've kind of gotten away from the underground part. Now instead, there's the town and a nasty carnival. Oh goody. There are some creatures that were there in the first and some new ones, some kind of cool. My favorite were the 'nurses' with no faces who only moved when they heard noises, lightening quick with cutting tools but freezing when there was no sound.

Vincent, of course, is the son of the NEW psycho leader of the cult of Silent Hill and tries to explain to them that Heather is innocent, not like Alessa, but they want her anyway. And she wants to find her father, who (spoiler alert) DOES NOT DIE IN THIS MOVIE EITHER! WTH Sean Bean... you plan on surviving your roles from now on? <SALTS> So Heather takes the half of the seal, being told by Vincent that his bound, insane grandfather has the other half - with both she can save her mother. The grandfather (a great bit from another favorite, Malcolm McDowell) indeed has the other half - inside his chest. He takes Heather's half and shoves it in there (ouch) making it complete but doesn't get to keep it long - Heather rips it from his chest (ouch again).

Now we get to the amusement park. Heather confronts the evil part of Alessa and, uh, absorbs her. Shut up. Now Alessa is complete - uh, I guess, except for the burnt part. She then takes the talisman and exposes the current leader of the cult, Claudia (saying she's Christabella's sister - of course) of being one of the 'monsters' inhabiting Silent Hill. Since Heather is now also Alessa she summons another monster to defeat Claudia, and rescues Vincent and her father.

The ash stops and the town begins to clear. As they are about to leave, Christopher/Harry, who has 'felt' Rose visit him (Radha got only a small part in this one) announces he's staying behind to find Rose, now that Heather is safe and he has kept his promise. He walks back into the town.

Vincent and Heather leave, not seeing that the town is again fading away. They catch a ride with a trucker who says his name is Travis Grady. This is a nod to one of Silent Hill's video games - Silent Hill: Origins, a prequel to the other games. In that game, Travis searches for info on a girl he rescued from a fire and along the way unlocks repressed childhood memories... but that's another story and I don't play.

So Silent Hill - neat but confusing (even paying close attention). Silent Hill: Revelation - despite being released six years after the first one still seems a bit rushed in the story department although some awesome monsters and effects - not worth the extra money for 3D though.

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WAIT WHAT? UM HEY WHAT IS THAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'ALL OF A SUDDEN'?





Negatibu Happi Chenso Ejji (Negative Happy Chainsaw Edge) (2007) Japan

Yes you read that title right. And the movie makes just as much sense (if not a little less) and takes a hell of a lot of head scratching to get through. Assuming you make it to the end. I have several friends that are just super happy massive fun fans of Manga (that's a pitiful attempt at a joke). If you don't know what that is, Manga are comics created in Japan. 

The medium includes works in a broad range of genres: action-adventure, romance, sports and games, historical drama, comedy, science fiction and fantasy, mystery, suspense, detective, horror, sexuality, etc. In Japan, Manga is HUGE. It's like American comics and porn smushed all together. Soft porn. Lots of drama. And every Japanese girl no matter what age MUST wear tight white blouses, short short skirts that show their underwear, long socks and pedal pushers. I think it's a national law or something.

So when a Manga becomes a movie, one must expect something like, say, the United States using comics to make movies. Or TV shows, like The Walking Dead. Some work, some don't. I've seen both the cartoon and the live version of Blood: The Last Vampire which was quite good even if I didn't understand everything. This movie probably was very enjoyable to those who were familiar with this story first in Manga form. I think.

What made this movie so... weird to me that there was really very little backstory. Movies have done that before, but usually when there's, say, a to-the-death battle between a schoolgirl and an chainsaw wielding maniac, there's usually a reason, right? Not in this story.


First we meet Yosuke. He's kind of the anti-Japanese kid - instead of being super focused on school, family, career, etc. he's just hanging out, totally apathetic to everything around him. Some of that may have to do with the death of his best friend (in a motorcycle wreck, not suicide for a change) but the point is, he's a frizzy haired lazy boy who's pants hang waaaaay too low and wears one of those damn chain wallets.

One night he meets a beautiful girl, Eri. She gets pissed because he insists on calling her 'Eri-san' and follows her around. That cramps her style because, each night, she battles 'Chainsaw Man' to the death... uh to the okay-we're-done-see-you-tomorrow. When he asks why this is the backstory: One night she is out staring at the moon when ALL OF A SUDDEN it starts to snow - but the snow hangs in the air and does not fall. ALL OF A SUDDEN down from the moon (yeah, all the way from the frickin' moon) comes this hooded fellow with this chainsaw that's huge with two mufflers, yet he holds it with one hand. 

Since he can start it by pushing a button there must be a battery hidden in that sucker somewhere. So ALL OF A SUDDEN she discovers she has super powers - she can leap high in the sky, do all sorts of incredible acrobatics, and use shurikens that she has strapped all over. Each night they do battle so her grades pretty much suck too.

The 'duels' always end the same - she throws those shurikens, he swipes them away with the chain saw, tries to kill her, and she manages to get a shuriken into his exposed heart (which is not covered by bone, flesh or clothing for some reason). Beaten but not dead he leaps back up to the moon. I am NOT kidding. Once Yosuke decides he has to 'help' her (she does much better on her own) he frequently finds himself on the wrong end of the shurikens and gets cut. Duh. 

Oh and this chainsaw is THE DULLEST chainsaw on the planet. I know more than a few loggers, and they wear steel toed boots which is a plus or a lot of them would be missing toes. But THIS saw is soooo dull she can fight him off with a long squeegee, a golf club, a wood club, hell she even stood on the damn thing and it didn't make a dent in the bottom of her shoes.

And they're all tired. He's tired of school, having to move to another town to be with his family, having to join his father in the family business. She's tired of living by herself (her family was killed), supporting herself by some unseen source, going to school during the day and fighting a psycho moon dweller at night. I got tired just watching them. Yosuke, as a gift to Eri, gives her Mithril... sorry, wrong story. He gives her a chain mail top to wear under her clothes, 'cause they're available in every Japanese Wal Mart.

Now Yosuke is convinced he's a total loser (he really is but that's just MY opinion) so he doesn't believe he deserves to be around Eri (and get cut up every night by those damned shurikens) but show up he does, gives her rides on his bicycle, and watches her fail, night after night. She discovers that the sadder she gets, the stronger Chainsaw man gets. Sigh. And the movie has almost an hour to go.


To break up the cycle of 1. school 2. fight 3. bored 1. school 2. fight 3. bored, for some unknown reason we're treated to a music video featuring Yosuke, his roommate and 'dead' friend Noto (Blonde Japanese guys are kind of creepy, ya know?) and I guess this is a turning point for Yosuke for some reason because he becomes determined that he will die instead of Eri. He loves her. I guess.

The final battle: we start with snow, guy coming from moon, her shurikens, Yosuke with his weapon of choice, a unipod (for cameras but with one, ah skip it). But she's REALLY sad so she's getting her butt kicked. Yosuke, for whatever reason, had 'borrowed' a crotch rocket - sorry, a motorcycle from his teacher (?!?) and after racing his 'dead' friend, he races into battle, using the motorcycle against Chainsaw man. 

We get a comical look inside the chainsaw as he revs it up (the pistons are skulls - DUH) and then whammo! First Eri gets the business end of the chainsaw edge, then Yosuke rams the motorcycle full into the monster, breaking the chain and wrapping it around the monster's neck. He grabs Yosuke by the neck. Yosuke hopes to die but the monster basically says (yeah, he talks) 'Nope' and poof, he's smoke. And it's over. IT'S OVER? WHY? Oh yeah, because it's ALL OF A SUDDEN. DUH.



In the end Yosuke stays put so he can be with Eri (her Mithril - umm I mean her chain mail blouse saved her life) and realizes that life sucks but it's his life and he's going to live it. Wow. How freaking depressing.

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THAI ONE ON - NYUK NYUK NYUK







Hor Taew Tak (Haunting Me) (2007) Thailand

Now stop me if you've heard this movie plot before. But there's not much chance of that - unless you've actually seen this movie (and it's unbelievable three sequels). Let's see... we've got two ghosts haunting a building owned by four way way WAY over the top katoey (Thai for 'drag queens') because of, umm, well each one has their own reason - but both are haunting the four plus their young male boarders at the same time.

It's up to the brave men... uh women.. uh, anyway it's up to these four individuals to try by any means necessary to exorcise the two ghosts in order to keep their male toys - umm I mean boarders happy. And I notice you haven't stopped me yet. You'll probably wish you had. I mean really, really wish you had.




We're not talking Patrick Swayze 'Wong Foo' type of katoey either. We're talking over 50, and over the top in attitude, language (what was translated anyway) and dress. Wow. This is not a horror movie by any means although it is labeled as one - think of it as more of a three stooges (plus Shemp) meets ghosts type of movie and you might have something a little closer. 

The four's names are Taew, Mot-dum, Songkram and, for some reason, Cartoon (no I have no idea why). Their problems come when, for some unknown reason, they decide to cover up the deaths of one obese katoey named Pancake (don't ask) who fell, hit his/her head and died. The other is a beautiful girl named Num-Ning but we don't see how she died until later.

Like all foreign movies, how much you get out of it depends a lot on the translation. This was a toughy. The girls didn't speak very clearly to begin with (judging by how their voices sounded slurred) and the translation was really rough ('You can scare me dead!') making a good review of exactly what happened here just about impossible.

Needless to say there are sight gags galore, Scooby Doo-like cartoon sound effects, sped-up chase scenes, and the pissed off ghosts. Pancake, who apparently, uh, rotted a bit before she was found, alternately shows herself 'normal' and 'rotted' depending, and the beautiful girl Num-Ning, although having long hair, was not one of those slimy long black haired girls - she was actually pretty - with glowing green eyes.

If I were to pick a good sight gag it would be toward the beginning. One of the katoey's is in the kitchen preparing food. Num-Ning slides by the window like she's on a smooth track slide. She does this twice, then suddenly appears in the kitchen. No one is there so she looks out the window - the katoey slides by as if on the same slide, telling the 'ghost' to take over in the kitchen. Umm, I guess you had to be there.

The rest is (for them) comic scrambling to find some way to get rid of both ghosts. There are sex jokes, family jokes (a katoey's son is constantly popped on the head for saying 'dad' instead of 'mom'), rape jokes (yes, I know, I didn't think that was appropriate either) and much, much confusion.

After trying 'traditional' Thai methods to exorcise the ghosts which don't work, they decide the only way to get rid of them is to solve the mystery of their deaths (which, if you think about it was what they should have had the police do in the first place...).

And, in the end, Pancake becomes a friend and helps them with their problem with Num-Ning who, after all, only wants justice against the boys who killed her. Simple enough, right? Apparently not - since three more movies follow. Yikes.

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FRAT HOUSE BUDDIES ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS





The Ceremony (2008)

This movie seemed to be one of those privileged college kid stupidly makes contact with a demon and pays the price, slowly, as paranormal happenings start and build to the end. Sigh. And since The Ceremony is hardly an original title, and this was a low budget movie, AND a picture search brought up every freaking ceremony ever held in 2008, I found just two pics that were any good, sorry. I made a checklist to see if this movie is just like every other PA movie (even though it only cost $155,000 to make):

Movie Element                                                 Yes      No

Kid already has more money than you                X
Mess is all his fault                                                       X
You just want the kid to die fast                                  X
Hand held/found footage                                             X
PA from a creak to all furniture moving              X
Satisfying conclusion                                                    X
Endless scenes of PA equipment being set up               X
Kid looks like he stepped out of GQ                              X


Okay, so it only had a couple of annoying features, but a pretty decent story. This is a one man movie: Eric is a college student living in an affluent frat house. He's just graduated with a degree in psychology and has been offered a great opportunity in Seoul, Korea. He's packing up, and a bit miffed because his frat buddy Jared was supposed to be there to help him clean the place up, so they can get their deposit back. So he's packing, cleaning, and trying to write one last term paper before his trip. A call to his folks about the job was kind of flat - here he's going clear the hell to Korea and his mom just says okay. Okay? Wow. Keep it down mom.

So we see him cleaning by himself, watching TV, dozing, basically doing everything BUT writing his term paper. Jared says he would be there but he's flunking a class and so is making arrangements for an extra assignment to graduate. As Eric cleans up (he's an ordinary looking kid, scar on his lip but handsome) he looks into Jared's bedroom. On the floor in a circle of lit candles is a book. Mostly thinking of the fire hazard he blows out the candles and curious, picks up the book. It's in a strange language (this book is supposed to be really old but looks like it was printed in a common font - whoops) and you know it's gonna be about something supernatural.

He just kind of casually looks through it - attempts to pronounce some words but none of it makes sense to him. But the weirdness begins anyway. This is the usual movie PA stuff - first it's a sound like footsteps, then doors open or close, and the whispering begins. Eric's interest in the book is distracted by his certainty that someone else is in the house - but the phones are acting up and he can't find anyone. He looks on the internet for a sort of translation but it lets him down so he contacts a professor and emails him part of the text. Later the professor calls him back, telling him basically it's a prayer to Satan (duh) and a plea for an exchange. What exchange? A soul for knowledge. 

Oookay. Now he hasn't been messing with Ouija boards or Tarot cards, he didn't perform a ceremony, but he seems to be caught in one anyway. I have to give props to Scott Seegmiller who plays Eric - he carries the whole movie by himself and portrays just the right amount of confusion, fear and dread. I just wish the director had paid a little more attention to Eric's face - sometimes he has stubble, sometimes he doesn't. Small point.

Now things are really starting to happen - we've moved up to furniture moving, cabinet doors opening and closing (spirits love making messes out of houses) and now Eric finds that not only can he play complex piano compositions, he actually can understand (and speak) the language in the book. Which comes in handy because the 'man in white' mentioned in the book is starting to appear (or at least be heard) and Eric tries to find out what the dude wants. His soul. Duh. So Eric, despite himself keeps finding himself looking through the book as the house basically goes nuts like leaves in a whirlpool. Oh, and looking in the mirror his reflection (when it's not moving on its own) shows that his eyes have turned completely black. He's screwed.

Finally Jared calls again. Eric asks about the book. After a pause, Jared admits that Eric WAS the assignment - he knew he couldn't resist starting the Ceremony, which apparently began the moment Eric blew out the candles and picked up the book. Oh, a Happy Birthday Ceremony huh? Realizing what a douche his so-called friend is he makes his decision. He tells the ominous man in white that he wants to pass this on to another 'soul', thinking of Jared of course.

We see the next morning the house is perfectly clean and of course there's not a single sign anything strange has happened. Eric hears Jared drive up and just waits. He hears footsteps going up the stairs...

Going to the stairs (which are conveniently by the door) he runs into Jared who has just now come in. He looks up the stairs wondering who went up before... we then see that Eric's family had showed up with balloons and gifts, meaning to surprise him for his successes. His baby sister for some reason has gone into Jared's room and when the mother shows concern that there's candles left lit on the floor the little girl bends over to blow them out...

I guess even nice guys don't get to have happy endings.

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TRUTH IS SCARIER THAN FICTION (WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS DISTURBING CONTENT AND IMAGES)

This is fake by the way...

Cannibalism

It's a subject that's still shocking to most people today, even though it has existed almost since the beginning of mankind. Although many more movies are using cannibalism to sell tickets (usually committed by inbred people living deep in the woods or mountains), it was and is more common than most know.

Donner Party

In the Bible, one walled-in city was prophesied to soon be under siege. The people were told that the soldiers would be there so long that the people would run out of food - and those bearing children would see them being used as food. More known to people are the tales of the Donner party in 1846 who consumed several of their number when stuck in the Sierra Nevada for months. 

Andes memorial site 2006

Most also know of the rugby team whose plane crashed in the Andes mountains in 1972. Those who survived were only able to do so until rescued by consuming the frozen bodies of their comrades. Long before then there were the Aztecs and other cultures who believed that by consuming their enemies they gained their strength and with some, their knowledge. In this century, both men and women have been caught and convicted of it - most being unapologetic, one even going so far as to say if released, human flesh would be all they ate. So it is not unheard of, but a darker practice has been reported that even those to whom cannibalism doesn't phase are shocked and sickened by it.

Baby being carefully cut out of pipe

In the East, where the ability to have children is curtailed by the government (couples exceeding the 'limit' can face considerable fines), it has become common knowledge that many babies, mostly female, have been abandoned because of this - the couple wanting their one child to be a son. That's why the recent event in China where a newborn baby boy was found flushed and stuck in a sewer pipe was so surprising - not that the child was discarded, but that it was a boy. That's pretty damn sad all by itself. It survived by the way.

Baby recovering nicely in hospital

But does anyone actually EAT the aborted fetuses of children? One Eastern movie had a story of a woman who prepares 'special' dumplings for women to pay big bucks for, the goal to regain their youth and vigor. Those dumplings were made of chopped up fetuses. 

This picture and others published on Seoul Times website

Recently my attention was drawn to a claim by the Seoul Times that this practice was getting more and more common, mostly with the preparation of soups with this in them being served at big cost to customers. A town in the southern province of Canton (Guangdong) is now in focus. Chinese folks there are enjoying baby herbal soup to increase overall health and stamina and the power of sexual performance in particular. Think this picture's awful? They had plenty more, of the preparation process and the cooking methods.

WTH?

Is this true? The short answer is no with an if. The long answer is yes with a but. Consider that this website advertises that it is for 'all foreigners interested in Korea'. Umm, what? In other words, if you have had the misfortune of seeing actual pictures of humans seeming to feast on the unborn, you're probably seeing either what in some cases were exhibits made by artists (why the hell they would do that is way beyond me) or outright photoshopped pictures printed for shock value. 

Attributing most of this to Eastern countries is called blood libel. However they DO make movies showing them doing just so. But to accuse them of REALLY doing it would be like making a blanket statement that Americans are all psychopathic serial killers just because a whole lot of movies have dramatized the few that actually are.

But wait, the scary part is coming up. This article is from the United States ABC news website (dated January 2012 - I never heard a WORD about this):

'An Oklahoma bill that would ban the sale of food containing aborted human fetuses has some people wondering: What food currently contains aborted human fetuses? The bill, introduced Jan. 18 by State Sen. Ralph Shortey, prohibits the manufacture or sale of  'food or any other product intended for human consumption which contains aborted human fetuses in the ingredients or which used aborted human fetuses in the research or development of any of the ingredients.' 


What they don't mention is that Senator Shortey is as reliable as a three dollar watch. Shortey may be acting on claims that the San Diego-based company Semonyx used proteins derived from human embryonic kidney cells to test artificial sweeteners, NPR reported. The cell line, known as HEK 293, was created from a human embryo in 1970 and has become a staple in biochemistry labs around the world. If passed, the bill would take effect Nov. 1, 2013.'

Are you beginning to see why horror movies don't scare me in the least?

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